A Singaporean In Australia

Generalization leads to misconceptions. For example, many Singaporeans regard Australians as lazy bums because they don't work long hours or they "knock off early on Fridays and drink by the beach". In this case, the devil is in the details. As companies here are way more flexible in their employment structure and management compared to Singapore, there could be an special work arrangement between company and employee behind their seemingly outrageous benefit of knocking off at 1pm every Friday.

For the benefit of those who don't know what the fuck I was talking about, here is at example:

Thus: "People in Australia are slack" or "Australia is only a place for retirement, not hard work" But if so, why didn't anyone really stop to debunk our Singaporean misconceptions? We think people really bother about what we think of them. 

At the moment, I know more mothers with young kids who stay at home rather than work. It seems to me this is more than a trend but slowly becoming a renown culture. Again, I noticed there is a common generalization among Singaporeans that in Australia, it is easy for families to survive on a single-income model and bring up, 2, 3 or even 4 kids without any major dramas because of "Australia's pro-family policies". In truth it is not easy at all and definitely not much easier to do that in Singapore.

I do not deny that government policies can be key drivers to population trends and behavior. I know that very well myself, because multiple policies by a certain government drove me out of my country. So I am not playing down on the importance of the pro-family policies which not just support families monetarily (but not as much as you think) but to create an environment where living details are meticulously observed to make it conducive for parents and their children. That is why I believe there is more to it beyond the financial part of the equation.

A typical family in Singapore sees a couple with 1-2 young kids and a live-in maid. If we were to clone this model in Australia, we will find the hiring the maid so expensive that it will literally wipe out the entire salary of one of the parents just to pay her off at the end of the week. So does that makes sense for the mother to stay at home to take care of their children instead? Therefore in such a model where the family income is drastically slashed by roughly 50%, the financial health of families is usually worse off than families in Singapore. 

Coupled with the much higher cost of living (i.e eating out), if a Singaporean family expects to dine out as often as they did in Singapore, they will find it unaffordable. Some shell shocked Singaporeans will find themselves waddling in despair because they could no longer dine regularly or have as many cup of coffees as they wanted chatting with friends in a cafe after work. These debunk another myth that Australia offers you a higher standard of living.

But it really depends on how you define your standard of living. For me, I find having home-cooked food everyday is a luxury I couldn't afford in Singapore even when my mum was willing to cook for me every evening. The problem for me back then was that more often than not, I could only get home to have supper, not dinner.  Raw food prices are considerably affordable in Australia and cost of meals is drastically reduced (compared to eating out) if one is willing to prepare his own meals. The problem for me was that I didn't even have the time, or perhaps energies, to enjoy the process of cooking a meal, caressing my food and rolling my peas about before eating it gently. To me, that is a higher standard of living. To some, that is a nightmare. I am sharing this with Australia migrants wannabes so that you know what you are getting into. My good friend Duchess of the Brook will be happy to share with you the shocking array of household skills she had picked up since her move which practically transformed her life of a "tai-tai" with silky smooth hands to "a maid". If this kind of lifestyle isn't your cup of tea, do not attempt an application.

Alright, so a family with kids and a stay-at-home mother who works like a maid with a family income lesser than one of Singapore's family. So why are people still doing it? (and why people in Singapore are not) I can offer you a few of my observations.

1) Peer pressure

We want to think we are unique people but humans have the herd mentality after all. Just look at your mobile phone on your hands now. The only thing less common about it is probably your phone case. Oops, that fat old guy opposite you in the MRT is using the same case is raising eyebrows at you. Fuck.

2) Support

It can be daunting if you are the only mother in the whole island staying at home but it isn't if a horde of other mothers who are there to offer their kids to play with, a chat when you need it (researches had shown the top mortality cause of human females left alone for prolong periods is the lack of talking, followed by lack of water and food by a distance.), a dash of salt when it ran out "unexpectedly" and even babysitting when you need it most. That explains why I make it a point to visit my good neighbour Angie, who stays at home with her little boy, during working hours whenever I am back in Singapore, just to check if she starts talking to her wall.

3) Mother

Mother and maid starts with the same alphabet but the similarities end there, though some Singaporeans seem to think otherwise. If a maid spends more time with her kids, cook their (and your) meals, clean your home and know where items are kept better than you and everything in the household better than you (hopefully excluding your husband), then what are you? When I told my wife (who started learning cooking only after we came to Perth) her noodles tasted strangely good, reminding me of my mum's noodles and asked her what special new ingredients she put in, she replied with a big smile, "Love."

4) Children

When I was in Singapore a few weeks ago, it saddened me to see children hugging their maids like their mothers and picking up their accent. I am not implying that maids do not deserve love and there is anything wrong with the way they speak. In their earlier growing stages, children are like sponges absorbing everything around them. So when you found out that your kids grow up with a different behavior or a set of morals than you expected, don't blame the teacher in school for not performing because the teachers at home didn't do their jobs for years. Children are not pets. There are special responsibilities that you may have to be prepared to sacrifice your time or money to perform them properly. If you are not willing to sacrifice for your children, they will not sacrifice their time for you when you find yourself too old to work and society no longer wants you. Your boss certainly can't wait to show you his finger by then. On the brighter side, at least your kids will hire a maid to take care of you.

5) Fun

If you do not enjoy spending time with your young children, something really wrong needs to be addressed. Unfortunately, there isn't an option to drag kids into recycle bins yet so you will have to work out something else. Otherwise, why are you resisting the fun?

So what if we cannot afford it?

A dual income family in Singapore is only made possible if there is a carer, such as grandparents or a maid to take care of young children. In many cases, grandparents are not viable options so many families turned their heads towards hiring a maid. That is only made possible because the government made laws to allow the exploitation of this group of people. We often console ourselves that no matter what scraps we pay them, they will be able to "build a castle" when they return home to justify our exploitation. Two wrongs don't make a right. That is why hiring a stay-in maid (with no or minimal annual leave) with on a super suppressed salary is illegal in Australia and is widely perceived as slavery. Our thirst for convenience has blinded and convinced us otherwise.

So how do can families in Singapore cope on a single income? How not to, when everything in Singapore (except for cars, alchohol and milk) is cheaper than Australia when thousands of families in Australia are coping. No, most of the men are not on super-scale salaries, especially after paying tax. It can certainly be done, with a paradigm shift, careful financial planning and ... the willingness to sacrifice (your wants) for your children. Also remember, it is only temporary. Your children will not be young and by your side forever. You'll return to work sooner than you want, once you have tried being a stay-at-home mother.


Before anyone reports me to those fucken no-lifers in AWARE that I advocate turning respectable women to maids, please understand we men work like dogs out there, some under the sun through scorching Summer and biting Winter. The life of a maids, in my humble opinion are relatively better one of a dog. So you will expect SPCA to represent me if AWARE bitches come running at me. Dog vs Dog

   Thanks for putting your blog and contacts out for all of us who are still in Singapore and not out yet for good, to get your two cents worth. 

I was guessing, you will be the right person for me to tell this tale/ hope to. 

  I am only turning 24 this year, not a guy, so I wont know exactly how a 1.5 years to 2 years of guarding Singapore feels like to be honest. But I am no different than someone out there who has been eyeing Australia to migrate to since primary school days, (not helping when I have a dad that instill the idea that Singapore should not be a place to grow old in since young, probably given that he has a job offer in Australia almost 3 decades ago and he have to turn it down for my mom, she's a loyal Singaporean, who votes for neither party every time). 

  But, I am still here because I know it is quite impossible to migrate to Australia without a degree and I am staying put because I have to pay for my education loan, that seems impossible to finish when I am left with a final trimester in Curtin University (Singapore Campus). It's too difficult to get financial assistance when your university is not the main Singapore universities, honest. I don't think I can finish that final trimester even, with a $2k /mnth pay before CPF cut, after CPF, that leaves me with only $1.6k. $1.2k is all gone monthly to repay education loan, and what am I basically left with to save up to pay for my last trimester? Nothing. Well, of cause if I do not need to pay for my other basic necessity such as transport ($100), food ($5-$10/day) and left with only $50-$100, that is if there are no social work activities we have to attend! 

  I am at a lost. I will not get my degree finish any time soon. Meaning I can never send in my application to apply for Australia visa even (tried once, and got turn down because of it). I don't even know where to begin except to suck it up, pay for my tertiary education loan (without getting a degree, you know how depressing that is), and restart all over again to get a degree and THEN, apply for Australia visa. That sounds like a long way to go, but I will try to do it. To also keep both my parents out of my education loan poverty. 

  Thanks for taking your time to read this email, I think I've wasted a few minutes of that. But please go on and blog, as I will always google your blog for me to read so that it can ease me, every time. Your blog has been a place I come to read and get lost. 

Thank you once again!

Regards,

SK

******

The elder Grace told me I had a chance to meet up with her niece and Sydney Librarian, both in Perth on short trips. Sydney Librarian was one of the earlier commentors of the blog and had graciously shared her migration story and insights about living in this new country so I couldn't say no to a chance of meeting her and Grace's niece, most Singaporeans wouldn't mind having a chat with her except perhaps the bleached whites. At the end, "lanky Nic" fell victim to the prowess of the Great Perth Summer and had to rest at home. The rest of us would have a meal by the ocean watching sunset, as Sydney Librarian requested.

I was assuming there was no sunset by the beach in Sydney, since the ocean faces the East. Or the Librarian simply wanted to reminisce old times, since she used to live in Perth for a few good years, setting up camp since 1989. I didn't ask for an answer since the idea of having a meal watching sunset didn't sound like a bad idea. 

Not even in dire Summer? Not even in dire Summer.

The famous sea breeze, termed the "The Freo Doctor" which cools the coastal suburbs on daily basis, didn't let us down. It felt cooling sitting by a sunset, considered strong by any standards. The temperature was significantly lower than the majority of other inland suburbs towards the east. I took a mental note that that could be one of the very few outdoor activities I would do during Summer. In fact, judging from that experience, it might be too cold to do it even in Autumn and Spring. If we tried that in Winter, our food would turn cold even before we touched it. So we might be back again for at least once more as we moved out of the last couple of weeks of Summer heat. 

Even little Albany seemed to notice the cool air and had showed a rare disinterested in her food. After a few rounds of arguments between father and daughter, I decided that Albany wanted to call it a day on her fish n' chips. She walked quickly towards the ocean, held my right hand a bit tighter as she made herself down the steps of the timber stairway. When she reached the last step, she sat down in a huff, daintily removed her shoes and rubbed her feet on sand. Then she looked up at me and smiled. I said to Albany, "Go for a walk."

And she did.

Innocence had no boundaries. So after being bored of her futile chasing of birds, little Albany decided to venture all the way to the water. I stopped her in time. Not today, I told her and she protested with the language of her people.

Though I had never been a social person and never enjoyed meeting people, that evening meeting the Librarian could never been better organised. It was such a great idea because I felt completely at ease - and happy being there. The last thing I wanted was to sit around at a big round table with strangers I had never met before because I would be forced to communicate and perform activities at timings I couldn't choose to.

I would like to thank both Grace Seah and Sydney Librarian for creating that opportunity for me to look at the Summer of Perth from a new angle.

Hi Mr. S'poreson;

Me and my wife are planning to go for 189 or 190 as Mechanical Engineers.

We have a 1 yr old and 9 yrs old sons.

As your daughter is coming 2 yrs old too, perhaps you can share some light

about the child care/student care facilities in Perth/WA.

We currently have a Filipino maid in Spore but I reckon that we may have to give up domestic help in Australia

or can we continue to have a maid?

We are set to go to WA. (western Australia which may or may not be perth).

Many thanks in Advance.

Rgds

W Chew+65 xxxxxxxx
+60 xxxxxxxxxx

******

Hi Nix,

Im Faizal fm  spore n just wanted to hit d rite note wit e subject! Hope u still bleeding red with pool as good times coming.

Short intro-im ardent reader of yr blog n daily dose of yr adventure jus make my train ride every am oblivious to the sardines!

Im treading my way thr man.....hit a snag as my agent misinfomed.....190schedule2 WA state sponsor = require me to hv an offer of job! Wtf.......Im holding back my piece of mind to d agent....

Positively looking forward to the situation, im searching hopefully of any job offer be it low entry level or any damn shit job tt can give me tht offer LETTER.....jus need to get adv on the following:

A. is thr any synducate willing to sell offer of job letter ?

B. I plan to go cold knocking on doors of sports company in wa with hope tht they r willing to e,ploy me with condition tht i will start 3 4 months later when my pr approve.do u thk it work tht way?

C. U still in spore?

Hope to hear fm u n say hi to Albany n Jen!

******

From my understanding (I may be wrong of course), a State Sponsorship or nomination from Western Australia is an agreement with the Government of WA to make a commitment to live and work in the state for a period of two years after your visa is granted. I have yet to hear anyone requiring a job offer to qualify for a State Sponsorship. What your agent said didn't even make sense to me. If you have already have a job offer, your company will be able/willing to apply a work visa (subclass 457) for you without the need of your PR visa. Why would you require a State Sponsorship in that case? My suggestion to you is to ask your migration agent to catch a spider and fuck it.

Cold knocking on doors sounds daunting to me. As Summer is ending in Perth soon, be sure to bring some warm clothing to avoid the process being colder than it is. Though my impression of cold calls/knocks without a work visa yield very poor returns, I am not ruling getting a job this way completely out as people continues to surprise me. Perhaps your chances with the employers may increase if you tell them your visa is 'in process'. Again - this situation sounds ridiculous to me (refer to paragraph one) so remember to clarify it with your migration agent. Bring a spider with you just in case.

No, I'm already back in Perth. Unfortunately, I didn't see anyone reading the blog in the MRT trains during my trip back. One of my friend told me he saw someone doing so several times and I'm 'famous'. That must be a myth he created to tempt me not to stop writing. Nonetheless it is encouraging to hear people telling me how it helped to kill boredom by reading it during train rides or toilet bowl arts. That's definitely better than being told my writings cure someone's insomnia.

Thank you for writing to me. I wish you good luck in your application and job hunt. YNWA

We had dinner with the good neighbours at a fantastic eatery at the east of Punggol, near the river that splits Punggol and Tampines. I like the dining experience. The place had high ceilings like a warehouse. I could not remember a single detail about their renovations, because it means fucko to me. And it should, to you and everybody else as well because these meaningless features one of the major reasons why food prices have gone up so much. Needless to say, the food wasn't value-for-money though it tasted like the way it should be. I couldn't really remember the name of the place either. It was probably along the lines of 'Pit stop' or something like that because I remember mentioning to Jen that place would make a brilliant pit stop for our night cycling trips back in the school days if it was already established back then.

What stood out was that the business owner bothered to put up a mini children playground within their premises to entertain kids for enough minutes for parents to dine before they peed or get bored of the place. For my case, the former happened first but such an interruption did little to disrupt our comfortable dining. Such a set up is common in Perth but a rarity in Singapore. Needless to say, I doubt the restaurant will exist beyond my next few returns. Bless the makan place and boss, whatever their names are.

After dinner, my neighbours did a Lou-Hei on the eve of my departure. It was fun making a racket but depressing at the same time because it was only an hour away from our last sleep in Singapore. Again, it became more apparent what we really miss in Singapore. Food wasn't in the list at all, at least for me. Neither was the flowing river like they sang in the songs nor the new billion-dollar garden that I never visited. It was always about the people that mattered to me.

None of the previous departure day felt good, even though we looked forward to return to Perth. This wasn't an exception. Watching mum reluctantly released Albany from a last hug left a sourish feel. She would tell me how 'different' the place felt without hearing Albany's voice in the house during our phone chats over the next few days. I could resonate well with that, after being away from Albany for a week during my last return to Singapore.

Two hours was a long time to contain any curious toddlers. So Changi Airport provided what Perth Airport didn't and that differentiate flight waiting between a nightmare and breeze. Ironically despite the vastly abundant "pro-family" amenities in Perth, Perth airport isn't, at least for now. Even more ironically, everything else outside Changi Airport and what's-their-name Punggol restaurant in Singapore, isn't "pro-family".

So we lugged our bags back, crammed with household items, gifts from TT and the others, Albany's toys, clothes and shoes, some food (no space left for Bak Kwa) and found Sham & Rob smiling widely at us at Perth Airport. Sham didn't know how important it was to me when she said our return "completes the family" or something along that line. That felt so different, so different to the time our feet first touched the same ground two years ago. Sham's words made me realised how far we had came since.

Nobody likes traffic jams but nobody hates it the way I do. I could probably blame my thinning hair on Singapore traffic jams, which certainly had me tearing out my hair on occasions. It probably gave me cancer too.

The taxi driver with 20 years of driving experience told me that he half mocked at tourists who commented that the traffic conditions in Singapore was really bad. His retort was, "Tell me where in the world without traffic jams?" and he looked visibly pleased when he told me it left his passengers dumbfounded. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, so I remained as dumbfounded as his previous passengers. Having said that, I wouldn't be really surprised if many Singaporeans thought the same way. Everywhere also traffic jam. Everywhere also corrupt scumbag politicians. Everywhere also bad working conditions, every company same. You work less in Australia but you have no life, you earn more but you pay more tax, you have more personal space but there is racism so it all works out to be the same. Everywhere is the same. There is no greener pastures. It's all illusions in the mind, they said.

Lan jiao, understand. The next thing you know people started to call every elderly man with the surname 'Lee' their Ah Gong. Same lah. Is it really?

Living in Perth has been a privilege. I had met up with my counterparts living in the more populated Eastern cities and had been informed about the traffic situation in their cities. Though Perth has grown very much over the last decade in population, the traffic condition outside the smallish Perth city is still favourable, somewhat the level of Singapore in her 80s. Unless one commutes to and fro the city everyday, it is probable to drive home without getting trapped in a traffic jam everyday. Comparing that to my last driving memories in Singapore during 2010-2011, a mere 25 km drive from Choa Chu Kang to Marina Bay took me at least an hour in the morning and 1.5 hours for the opposite direction at the end of the day. The same 25 km drive to and fro work in Perth takes me 22 minutes everyday, 99% of the time. Same?

Since Singaporeans like to talk about money, we'll talk about this in dollars and cents then. The differences in my time taken to drive to and fro work in Singapore and Perth was 38 and 68 minutes respectively. That equates to me being trapped on the roads unnecessarily by 106 minutes per working day, 27560 minutes per working year. That works out to be a grand total of 7.6 days spent waiting on a fucking Singapore road to get to point B in a working year. Since you are so calculative, tell me how much is 7 days of your life worth? If I were to work ten years driving the same route everyday, I'll tell you where I rather spend 70 days of my life - elsewhere.

Don't even try telling me to move closer to my work place in Singapore. Don't get me started on housing topics. Just don't. You'll not regret it. That will be good for everybody.

Having said that, Perth is not immune to traffic jams. In fact it will only get worse, just like anywhere of a growing city. I experienced a Great Freeway jam in Perth a few times. Normally there would be a real nasty truck accident of some sort. The key differences of being trapped in a traffic jam here in Perth, as I observed:

1) Drivers still kept a reasonable distance from car to car in a standstill situation. There is a distinctive (positive) difference in general driving patterns.

2) Drivers do not weave in and out of lanes to gain an advantage over a couple of cars around them.

3) If they do (2), it is rarely at the expense of another driver's safety and done in a courteous manner.

4) Impatient drivers have the liberty to exit a traffic jam by doing an 'illegal U-turn' at the unblocked dividers. In Singapore, most if not all central dividers are fenced or railed so a traffic jam cannot be defused in that manner.

5) I've witnessed drivers turning off their engines, stood by their cars and chatted with the next few random blokes who did the same while waiting. In Singapore, these folks would be blasted mercilessly with honks.

6) You don't get an ERP fee even if you are trapped in a jam.

7) There is still a plenty of 'unknown' short cuts or longer routes with much lesser traffics available as alternative routes. In Singapore, it has became open over the years and there isn't secret paths for 'emergencies' anymore

8) I hardly hear a single sound of the honk in a week on Perth roads. When I honked at very rare occasions, I couldn't recognise it.

9) If I do (8), it would be a tap, not a 'press and hold' and expect a god to split the traffic jam like the ocean.

10) Drivers do stop to help another distressed driver by the roadside, especially in the regional areas. This may be another post, another day about what happened to us in 2007.

I received a message from Yun² during my first days in Singapore. It said, "Welcome home."

Yes, it's good to be back.

I arrived a day before my birthday, which coincided with the eve of Chinese New Year. So I had a night to rest and then I would help my mother out to prepare for the reunion dinner the next day. Perhaps it was the guilt of not being by my parents' side for two years running, so it felt liberating to be finally around to help my mother with her chores during this busy period. Though she was still active and reasonably fit, age took a toil nonetheless. Her memory wasn't as fine and my dad not physically being able to help in a single task anymore (not that he used to help a lot) was a moral blow. On top of that, she had my little niece to keep an eye on. Watching her relying almost entirely on me for the CNY Day 2 feast further deepened that guilt. We could be away longer, but eventually mum would need me.

Before long, as expected, the little details of life in Singapore began to annoy me. I didn't come back with rose tinted glasses like some of the Singaporeans I knew. Little minor details such as neighbours squabbles and their complains about noisy gratings or drain covers irked me. Only then I realised how much Perth had changed me and why I failed to understand why would anyone reject this kind of lifestyle in Perth. If common Singaporeans could be so pissed off with a neighbour skipping a rope above them to shame them on the internet, wouldn't the inconveniences, inefficiencies or nitty gritty issues in Perth drive them to their graves? It further affirmed my beliefs that migration was not for everyone. The more I observed about Singaporeans in general, the more I believed only a minority of us would be truly happy living elsewhere. The rest of us would be unhappy, or unhappier after we moved. Having been there, done that, a move like that seemed more than a mere physical move to 'greener pastures'. What was more intriguing was an underlying self-discovery journey within. That made me a tad more reluctant give advice to people who wrote to me. I started with the intention to help as many as I could, because I once felt as hopeless and helpless as any of them, I could feel them and saw myself in their shoes.

Then I realised, I couldn't have been because they weren't me. People came from all walks of life, with very different background, circumstances and motivation. My opinion was neither important or relevant to even my own friends, for they seldom heed any, much less simply anyone out there. One of my principles of living life was to keep things simple and I should practice it by refraining from making the lives of the others more complicated than it should be.

There would be some who needed it badly and some who didn't. For those who had only an hour to slash a tree for firewood for the impending freezing night would hack it with whatever they had on hand, with all they could instead of asking the neighbour where and how he should begin. If you need to ask before you act, you are not cold enough. There is no harm to ask how to do it better while you are at it, though. That acts as a supplement, a complement not a substitute.

As time went on in Singapore, the busy schedule eventually wore me out. Getting around with a toddler on public transport or taxis weren't exactly pleasant to begin with. At two occasions I was shoved abruptly by grown men while I was standing in the trains, bear hugging Albany as close to me as possible. I begun to think I was wrong to declare that having an own car in Singapore was over-rated because the Singapore community simply did not have the empathy, patience or mercy for one another. There were simply too many things bigger than life itself in our minds. In such an environment where human beings were at such a detestable level, personal space became even more precious than ever and a car offered just that. So the humble pie was smashed flat on my face.

When Jen was packing and little Albany was meddling about, I overheard Jen explaining to Albany, "Pack, pack. Go home." It felt a little strange to hear that because somebody welcomed me home just several days ago. What frightened me was that I didn't know where I felt at home anymore. When my holidays were running down, I felt strong polar opposites mixed feelings about leaving. There wasn't a time in my time I had secretly felt happy to be 'back to routine' before. Yet it was such a grieve to say goodbye to the people, and dogs, that we hardly spend enough time with.

This is home truly, where I know I must be

Where my dreams wait for me, where the river always flows

This is home surely, as my senses tell me

This is where I won't be alone, for this is where I know it's home

which begs the questions of;

1) Where do you want to be?

2) Where do your dreams await you?

3) Where do your senses tell you to go?

4) Where do you feel alone?

To me, question 4 was a highlight among the rest. A common understanding of the word alone is isolation, being apart, being lonely. As a Liverpool supporter, "You'll Never Walk Alone" is not merely the club's motto but a mantra. The phrase doesn't just integrates the concepts of togetherness, teamwork and unity but also carries a metaphor that emphasize assurance that one will always be in the company of the others, be it through physical contact or more so, spiritually. As such, being physically away ironically brought me closer to the people who matters and away form those who don't. From there, I know who truly love me and who I should reciprocate to. That could be why I never once felt lonely being almost 4000 km away from .. Singapore.

Many Singaporeans pride themselves as an elite working class which thrives under pressure. Until recently, we were brought up being told we were the best. All of a sudden, Singaporeans are dogshit. Of course. Otherwise there will no justification to bring in foreign talents. 

Though I blended into the environment like fish to water, I couldn't help noticing the little annoying things around me. Singapore isn't a bad place and my purpose here isn't to badmouth my country of birth. You wouldn't want me to sing praises anyway, if you came to this website knowingly. There are other avenues for those on another day, such as the NDP rally or blogs that hail the Progressive Wage Model as the best thing since Mee Siam Mai Hum.

My new neighbourhood was only slightly more than a year's old but there was already the familiar scent of ammonia left over by bodily liquid secretion of mammals on either regular basis or an one off event. I hoped it was the formal, as it would be embarrassing for the cleaning company in charge of keeping my HDB flat spick-and-span. I said that because my toddler peed on the floor once in a while during the lapse of her potty training but my house did not smell like a public toilet. I might as well admit to it, I was insinuating that the fucking cleaning company that lived off part of our conservancy charges either did not know how to remove a urine stench or couldn't be bothered to do it. Or perhaps they had grown so tired of doing it again and again, which they would have my great sympathy if so for having needed to go beyond their line of duty in that case. Then I would like the humans in my neighbourhood to take a good look at themselves. We had almost half a century history of HDB living so there simply wasn't any more excuses to use the lift as a makeshift toilet, prevent the little ones or pets from doing do, or failure to clean up after them. We must be the only country who called ourselves "first world" and armed our lifts with a Urine Detection Device.

Yes, Summer was bad in Perth. It could get hot, hot and real hot. Despite that, the relative humidity seldom get to the heights of Singapore's even on the worst days. After getting used to the air extraction vents installed in virtually every bath or toilet in Perth houses, that was one good thing I looked around for after every bath during my Singapore stay so far. I would have thought it was a good idea to have one of those things around since Singapore was always so humid but no, it wasn't to be. I had to wipe my mirrors after each bath and ended up sweating again before I could even get my freshly bathed body out of the bath. I should have taken a ice bath perhaps. My bad. My friends told me I was lucky to come back during the better weather. I had to admit that my sensory memories had faded. It could probably have been a lot worse later in the year. I dreaded the thought of that alone, especially the days I spent most of my days outdoors for my work. I didn't realise how something as trivial as weather could make such a great difference to one's mental well-being. Perhaps it was never trivial in the first place.

There shouldn't be electric plugs in the washroom, said one of my friends when I told her it was a really good idea. For safety reason? I wasn't too sure about that. Whatever it was, these plugs in the bath that I came across in any bathrooms of all the houses I stayed in Perth came really handy. If you ask me, that was the second most important location a man would want an electric plug at. The first location would be his garage, or anywhere that he could park his car at and work on it. We were left to rely on the our cigarette lighters in our cars as the sole source of electricity for any damn thing we might need to do for our cars. Seriously? Given the Singaporean men's irrational love of cars, we could have been the nation with the most car mechanics per capita in the world but we ended up being the best car detailers instead. Such a pity.

"Have you send your child to school or training yet?" I couldn't count how many times I had been asked that during these 2 weeks. "My sister had already sent her one-year-old child to 'Mind training', to teach her how to use her right brain. (or left brain, or just brain. I couldn't remember). Your kid is already 2 years old, never learn anything?" Hey, what's wrong with us Singaporeans? There is nothing wrong with the aptitude of our kids, it's their attitudes, our attitudes first in fact, that requires examination. If there is some sort of extrasensory perception courses I could sign Albany up for, I would have her zipping those lips up the next time.

After I left the ICA building, I sent Jen and Albany to head home in a taxi for Albany's afternoon nap and I headed straight to the Lavender MRT station to take a train to the east to meet Gintai - the ex-MRT driver celebrity blogger to catch up and get updates on his future career plans. Poor guy, I made him wait for 5 hours for the appointment because I did not expect to be caught up so badly at the ICA. I noticed a mob on the station control as I ran down to the train platform.

Before long, the mob moved down to the train platform level while I was waiting for the train so I had the time to take a good look to confirm what I saw earlier - a life size cancel cell snailing towards me. Soon I noticed commuters standing near the platform doors like me started to walk away to make way for this mob, which was moving right through us. That reminded me of certain laws in Singapore:

 141. An assembly of 5 or more persons is designated an “unlawful assembly”, if the common object of the  persons composing that assembly is —

The first attempt to apply for Singaporean citizenship for Jenny and Albany failed so we decided a second one since we were back. We walked into ICA at 9ish but we didn't expect it would take us until beyond 3pm before we could call it a day. It wasn't a long queue. The outrageous queue was at the work permit/temp visa/PR section. The citizenship queue was rather short. That really spoke volumes about how much commitment our Singaporean PRs gave to our country. What a different story that was in Perth. Over the last 3 months alone, I personally knew four Singaporeans who decided to give up their red passports for the Aussie blue.

What each of them had to do was to pass a Citizenship test and it was by no means a walk in the park if they didn't study or make the effort to learn what the immigration department think every Australian citizen should know about Australia. 

Singapore?

The vetting officer who attended to me was a young Malay chap. He was flawless in his customer service and was very accommodating, straight to the point and knowledgeable in his work. Before long, he picked out the fault in my application and had me realised the ICA was extremely strict when it came to verifying the income level of the applicant. I provided them an appointment letter of my permanent job in Australia, which included my salary, an additional letter (6 months old) from my boss confirming I was an employee in my company and how much my annual salary was and my pay slips for the past 1 year but it was deemed inadequate. I was requested to provided a 'up to date' letter and a further supporting document to confirm my income, such as records of my Australian tax record for the past 3 years - original copies, no less as well as my Singapore CPF statements and tax records, whether it was 'zero or not'. The officer was apologetic but told me I would not be considered for an interview if I didn't provide the following.

I had to call back to the office to ask my office manager to amend my letter and send it to me at the soonest possible, which I printed out later in the first level of ICA with the help of the kind kiosk attendant. I went back and he made me 'promise' I had to provide the crucial Australian tax records immediately upon my return to Perth.

During the interview, the nice Chinese auntie spent 90% of the time scrutinizing my income documents. She managed to pick out I was missing the latest pay slip, which was not issued to me yet when I left Perth for Singapore. She got Jen to note down that I had to send the rest of the latest payslips as well, despite the fact I had a year's worth of previous pay slips over the counter. Then she re-emphasized the need for me to send my Australian tax records over before they would process my application. She also told me to get my company to rewrite the letter and change the salary format from annually to monthly as it was "more accurate." Lastly, she told me to ask my boss to include my NRIC number on that letter.

I sighed and finally ask her why the obsession with verifying my income to such extent. She told me it was the main deciding criteria to the approval of my application. Okay fine.

Next, she got me to write a letter to explain why I applied for Albany's citizenship more than 1 year since her birth for without it, ICA would not consider my application. These thoughts wandered in my mind: If Albany was born in Singapore, she would be a Singaporean by descent with no questions asked. But she was born geographically outside Singapore, so we had to apply for her citizenship ($170 total fees in all if approved). If I did not apply within the first year, she would not be legitimately recognised as a Singaporean and unless her lao pei write a letter to his country explaining 'why so late?' (subjected to approval). To me, Albany would still be my daughter whether or not she was born in Singapore. To my country she was no longer a Singaporean daughter if I did not register her birth within the first year. Interesting.

We finally managed to submit both applications, not without being told repeatedly to send back the income verification documents or the application would not be processed. When asked if our applications would be approved if we sent the documents back, my interviewer could not give me an answer. That would depends on my income of course, but she could not say that over the counter. I understood. If I may have my way, I rather ICA be more outright with this and tell me what is the minimum income they were looking at in order to approve an application like that. If I couldn't make the cut, I would not even apply and waste my $200 that afternoon as well as everyone's time.

I understand there is a significant cultural difference between Australia and Singapore. This episode couldn't illustrate that more. While my friends in Perth had to learn everything they need about the country to pass their citizenship test, I had to tear my (what's left of my) hair out to verify my income on the other shore to get my wife and child's done. The shore I was born on, toiled and defended. The human grocery stall.

So $450 is a basic living wage in Singapore? Why are we paying PM Lee Hsien Loong $183,000 a month (not including bonuses), 400 times of a basic a living wage? No wonder WDA was proud to present their Progressive Wage Model with general cleaners wages starting from $1,000. Cleaners are earning well above the living wages in Singapore. Sometime ago, we thought they had barely enough to eat. Things must have escalated rather quickly since.

Someone tell me, this $450 monthly wage of our disabled employees is not CPF deductible. I find it really difficult to convince myself that $360 of take-home pay is adequate to handle a month of living expenses. Sure, my mom used to tell me, "Last time your father's pay was only $240 but somehow we survived and brought all of you up." Unfortunately that was 40 years ago when a bowl of noodles cost 40 cents, bus fare was 10 cents and the flag down rate for taxis started from 40 cents. That $240 might sound meek but it could get our family a whooping 600 bowls of noodles to tide us through the month. That $450 Bizlink proudly pays the disabled buy them 180 bowls of noodles at $2.50 each or 144 bowls if CPF is deductible. True, an average person only needs 90 meals a month but buses and trains in Singapore do not offer free transport to the disabled, no social organisation provide free laundry, accommodation or pay utility bills in full for the disabled. Perhaps there term 'living wage' cannot be more apt - it keeps the disabled from dying, nothing more, nothing less. Being half alive is better than dead right? It really depends on perspectives. If we were to get our Ministers to live on $450 a month in Singapore, how many will think they are better off dead?

In the 'survival of the fittest' environment of Singapore, there is no place for the disabled. If there are no laws against it, or if Singapore living is a computer game, the people in control will probably have no qualms to erase the existence of the disabled community. We may be working towards it but at the moment we are not North Korean enough to do that. So, the 'unproductive' disabled are left to live, or die, with society providing as little as possible for their community. (Mind you, that $450 is their WAGES, not a welfare payout) The Government would have told us they make the best decision for the country, not the most popular. They may be right. For providing plentiful for the disabled may bring forth second degree issues, such as abuse or discontent. They may be wrong. By showing little care for the less fortunate in society, the less well off population may gradually distrust the Government, wondering when they will be the next tier to be left behind.

A large percentage of the disabled population were born with disabilities, rather than acquired. There is no guarantee for any couple that their next child will not be born with disabilities. Every Singaporean knows that it will be a lifetime of financial and mental strain having a child with disabilities in Singapore because culturally we do not accept them as part of our society. I believe every couple who decided to drop the rubber and would have that nagging fear at the back of their minds. There should be significant figures who decided not to take the risk at all, one of the many contributing factors to our proud record of the lowest birth rate in the world.