A Singaporean In Australia

Last night my wife placed my hand on her tummy. There, I finally felt the baby's kicks. "Thud, thud, thud." It suddenly occurred to me we were about 3 months away then.

The radiologist said she thought it was a boy, though she "wasn't 100% sure," so we had to assume it was going to be a boy. Unlike little Albany, I never had doubts about what name I was going to give her. It was Albany right from the start. The boy needed a name too. I pondered for a while before I dozed off. No names at all. Not even a shortlist. It was harder than I thought.

It was only when I had to name my son, I realised how many guys I dislike. Parents tend not to name their kids after someone they know, unless of course, they are dead and naming their children after them is an act of honoring them. Otherwise, it is kinda odd to be in this situation, "William, meet Uncle William." So it would perhaps be a good idea to give your son a name that none of your close friends have. However, there must be a reason why the rest of the people aren't your close friends. It is likely that you have things you dislike or hate about them in the first place. Thus it would be stupid to give your son one of their names and start wondering why you tend to smack them in the face for no good reason later on.

By eliminating the names of the guys whom I get along with and as well that many idiots I had met before, there aren't many names left to choose other than some gay sounding names like Dashiel or something. Don't get me wrong. I know the good intentions of parents naming their boys as such. We tend to call our friends by shortform. Jennifer will be Jen and Christopher will be Chris. Thus a hippie name like Dashiel will have an endearing shortform as Dash, which is obviously meant as a compliment to good looks, unless, in an unlikely case, his parents think he will grow up to perpetually make dashes to the toilet or away from the police. Though it seems like a good idea, it is unnecessary to name your kid after an attribute you would like him to have, lest he grows up opposite to his namesake and be an ironic joke wherever he goes. I know a certain Prime Minister of a country who is supposed to be as display his swag like a glorious dragon as his given name suggested. Unfortunately, he tends to go on a holiday whenever there is a critical need to appear in public to address wanting issues. Yet you can't expect his parents to name him something to do with an ostrich, right? I mean, how would they know it will turn out that way? Thus, I'll eliminate names such as Victor.

I won't choose a name that he can't even spell it himself, such as Fistandantilus, (therefore known as Fist for short), neither would I want to give him a name with multiple variations in use. Shawn, Sean, Shaun, Shywn. An example of its female counterpart will be, Jaslyn, Jasline, Jaslynn, Jesline, Jeslynn, Jeslyn. wtf?! Dyslexia is more serious than we think. 

Perth friends laughed and told me since I named Albany after a town in WA, I should have just carry on the practice. Some suggested names are Augusta and Geraldton. Nice try folks. Why not Balga, Karratha or Gidgegannup? Not quite feasible. It doesn't always work that way.

I guess a lot depends on where our boy is going to grow up. If he grows up in Singapore, give him an Ah Beng name to blend in. Maybe Rexton or something. So he can drive his satki WRX around while I put up the announcement to disown him in Shitty Times. Since I'm too lazy to move around in the near future, I guess he'll need a local beng name instead. John or Steve sounds about perfect, since every warehouse supervisor I've met so far seem to have either of these names. Or Jim. Perfect fit if he grows up to mow grass for a living.

I'm no good at this. I guess I'll let Jen do this thing.