A Singaporean In Australia

Thankfully, Singapore does not have a childbirth problem in the opposite direction. Else, we can expect genius MP Lee Bee Wah to regulate the problem by enforcing a licence must be obtained before anyone can have sex. Before that, she'll ensure every cyclist to get a licence before they can cycle on Singapore roads. [link]

Mind you, that is not a bad idea but that depends on which side you are standing on. Her colleagues will love her, for they are struggling with revenue raising ideas after the casino. "What else, what else ah?" Everyone has been walking in circles during their PAP meetings, except for PM Lee of course, who bumps his head into walls before he can complete a circle. So when Lee Bee Wah came out with this idea, she received her rightful adulation from her colleagues and went home with a equivalence to the Man of the Match (MOTM) or  Most Valuable Player (MVP) that soccer and basketball players receive respectively for their outstanding performances. That is of course, the Creative Unison Notion Trophy (CUNT). Oh she'll relish such prestige.

Really, if anyone is concerned about safety enough to invoke the ridiculous, one will wonder why our traffic police does not install a speed camera at every single lamp post in Singapore. When every drivers knows there is no way to get away with speeding, they stop speeding altogether or risk a imminent revoke. With speeding totally eliminated, it will prove what they advocate: "Regulate speeding for everyone's safety" is right. Or not. So why won't our government do it? Well if they do that, the number of speeding offenders will be drastically reduced and that translates to a dive in revenue collection. Challenge this.

So what is stronger underlying purpose of implementing cycling licensing other that revenue raising? The government can show Singaporeans the rising statistics of cycling accidents if they want to but that doesn't take away the fact that more accidents will happen when there are more cyclist and our population density has spiked. Common sense. Recently my neighbour got a big bruise after an unprecedented  incident of being knocked to the floor by a stranger on the street. As far as I know, she has never been floored during a stroll in her entire life thus far. Wonder if that warrant a call to implement a licence for safe walking?

Lee Bee Wah's genius opens up an wide array of possibilities for the PAP government.

- COE for bicycle. Different categories for children BMX, adult Mountain bike and Road bicycles and elderly Wheel chairs and parent baby strollers. NTUC trolleys are exempted.

- All vehicles must be installed with a IU and ERP is payable when any cyclist puffed pass the new cycling path abutt all roads with an adjacent ERP gantry. No ERP for cyclist after 12am

- All cyclist must go through 30 cycling lessons before they can take the practical test. Lessons will include a circuit training where cyclist learners will go through daily difficulties such as how not to roll back on a slope and perform parallel parking with or without striped poles.

- All cyclist will be receive a complimentary cycling water bottle that cost the Tax Funded Government Cycling School $100 bucks each, supplied by a mysterious company called HIT because no other vendors bid for the tender.

- The school will be headed by an ex-military general of course, because no one can ride a bicycle better than an army general.

- License will be renewed annually but only after the cyclist pays their cycling track tax

- Bicycles are only allowed to be parked at home or at designated parking post for a low charge of $10 a month. Sheltered parking is available for $20 a month. No parking in HDB corridor or void deck or other unauthorized area because if it is a fire hazard or it does not promote integration with foreigners. Or whatever they can think of.

- Insurance for cycling is mandatory. Only preferred vendors allowed to offer.

- All bicycles must go through an annual vehicle inspection for safety. Only preferred vendors are allowed to certify.

The possibilities are limitless for the PAP. Can you help them think of more?

So do I have to write about mundane stuff? Yes. This will be one of those boring time wasters Jan the nurse honestly told me about. Life in Perth may be incredibly boring to many Singaporeans. (She actually said this blog is boring, not Perth, but I am conveniently pushing the blame as you can see)

Every Singaporean brought up in a city environment so it is common to find many turning their nose to the idea Perth living. One of the reasons is convenience. We have the convenience in so many aspects of life that you can only imagine in Perth. In Singapore, we can get what we want in easily and quickly. Food, clothes, tools, sex, entertainment, amenities and covered linkways, you name it. If we are given most if not all basic material wants that a human being can ask for, is there even a right for a Singaporean to feel unhappy? Probably not but it isn't difficult to understand why if you buy into the concept of the law of diminishing marginal utility.

One of the benefits of living a life out of the country after decades of societal conformity is that you get a 'utility reset'. So when ducks waddled into a workshop where they have no business to be, it was delightful for a city-bumpkin from Singapore. But if they do that often enough, especially when they start to stealing his lunch during his toils, you can be sure he will soon be throwing a crowbar towards them to convert them into lunch instead.

If you have a sense of humor and a easy-going personality to be able to grin it out with your spouse through bad experiences that you will never experience in Singapore, such as train breakdowns, you will find the flip sides easy to tide over. If you hug each other like frightened monkeys when you experienced your first storm or play hide and seek when there is a blackout in the evening, those will be part of your fond memories when you look back one day. It's fun to reminisce and laugh about it. On the other hand, it is hard to explain why most of us will feel extremely pissed off when stuff like that happen in Singapore. 

Flip sides aside, the nice part comes when you experience the delightful nuggets of life there. I can't understand why it is so easy to feel relaxed or happy at the slightest things there while a shower of blessings in Singapore couldn't keep the grouch away. Perhaps it makes a difference being in an environment where there is a wide diversity of what people want in life. It feels like a parallel world, at least for the first 5 years maybe until the law of diminishing marginal utility catches up or the environment regress to a similar state where you came from.


It needn't to be a so call "First World" country. I believe we'll find happiness, probably even much so in "Third World" countries. It is very difficult to resonate with this. Trust me, I know because if I will not recognise myself if someone time-travel backwards and show the old me what I wrote 5 years into the future.

The most highly paid Prime Minister has a warning to the world. Make sure you alert all your friends because that must be really important.

According to the Prime Minister, addressing reporters in Bali, financial markets could head into uncharted waters if the US defaults on its debts.

Good warning hor? US$16.7 trillion debt. An impending unprecedented debt default. So global financial markets will head into uncharted waters. In local terms, if Ah Kow have been borrowing from loan shark Teck Huat for the past 30 years without missing a payment until Teck Huat can even lend Ah Kow via GIRO or SMS, then if Ah Kow decide to default on his loans, Teck Huat jialat liao. Wisdom of a genius. Prime Minister Lee should get a nomination for the Economics Nobel Prize Award. Heck, screw the nominations, just give it to the man.

I wonder who didn't see it coming. The US debts hit US$16.7 trillion back in May. That's US$16,000,000,000,000. If the US is charged just 1% (which we know it's way higher) interest on their debt, that will be US$160 billion per annum for interests alone. The last US President that saw a budget surplus in a single work year was Bill Clinton in 2001, who saw the US to a US$128 billion surplus. Every single year since then, the US chalked up amounts in billions of deficits each year.

To put it in simpler terms, the answer could be found in a your primary school problem sums. A man earns $1000, spends $1200 each year and has a current debt of $10,000 on an interest rate of 3%, how many years will he take to repay his debts?

Sadly, reverse compounding is a bitch. With that against you, no one can bite off more than they can chew, not even a big mouth like the US of A. With a US$8 trillion debt in 2003, they managed to double it within 10 years. 

It also took them 10 years to double their debt from US$4 trillion in 1993 to US$8 trillion in 2003.

So with a debt of US$16.7 trillion in 2013, how much will they owe the world in 2023?

It's not going to be pretty but the USA is bankrupt, as far as I'm concern and they are going to be owned by their creditors once everyone loses their patience in their ponzi scheme. How ironic, considering how often the USA conquer peace keep the other countries. that happen to have oil in their backyard. Poetic justice perhaps.

So our dear leader is still pondering if the US will default or not. Thanks for the insight man, PM Lee. It looks like Singapore is going to into uncharted waters on his wife's mahjong table in near future. Singaporeans are so lucky.

Waaaah. So Australia has a new breed of rich people and they are the "blue collar" workers aka tradies, according to this article [link]

Hold it, hold it, Singaporeans, if you are thinking of packing your bags and head south to clear someone's toilet or prune gardens to get rich, stay put and stand up for Singapore.

First, if money is your sole reason for moving to Australia, you should shelf your plans because Australia can offer you much a higher level in other aspects of life but not money. You will probably be better off doing what you are doing in Singapore.

Second, you can actually get rich in both Singapore or Australia but you will never get rich working for others. Fact. 

It looks like it isn't a disease exceptional to Singapore journalists only. Our friend here started his article with a bold headline suggesting that tradies in Australia are the new rich. Lower down the article, he stated that according to a report (wow he has a report), blue collar workers earn an average of A$1229 a week. Ok, so if that is the new definition of rich, I hereby announce proudly that I am really close to being rich. Wow, it feels good to achieve something most of us wanted to do. Only that the taxman takes away money each week, leaving rich men like us about A$1,000 to pay the mortgage or rental, which ranges from A$300 to the limits of the sky, A$50 or so on fuel if we are not driving under-utilized powerful petroloilic, A$100-$200 on groceries and entertainment if we are not alcoholics or druggies. So what does that leave us? Rich? Fucking shit journalist.

I am working towards being ultra rich then.

I met the young and pretty nurse who came around the same time as me to Perth last night over dinner. It's interesting to note I knew all but one nurse in my entire Singapore life but since I left, I got to know 5 more somewhere out there. Grace . WD . CK . Ling . Jan. What do they have in common? They are Singaporeans, working overseas and doing nursing as their profession.

What profession? Our Population White Paper blatantly stated nursing as a low skilled job. After the dismay cries of our indignant angels in white, Teo "What do you think?" Chee Hean apologized and informed the public that was an error and had been since amended. 

I wonder how many Singaporean nurses actually felt better for that. They can call them Angels of Love if you want to, but that meant nothing if the general sentiments and vibes towards the profession is at a noxious state where nurses are regarded as our domestic foreign maids - but in uniform. 

I supposed enlightened nurses should know by now, the amending of a word does nothing for them. If I insist on any of the 5 nurses to get back working in Singapore as a "highly skilled" nurse, I would have two syringes shoved up my nose and its mysterious content shot up to fry my brains in seconds. I suppose you can ask Winking Doll [link] our hot Singapore nurse blogger working in Canada how she compares the working conditions in a Singapore hospital to a Canadian one. As it seemed, it was dire enough in Singapore to motivate our family friend, Grace, to leave Singapore at a young age all alone to pursue her passion in Perth. CK described leaving Singapore nursing as crawling out of a human discharge sewage.

I am not sure how many Singapore nurses have smashed their oximeters on the ground and tell Singapore to shove it. I'll not be surprised if the figures are high as compared to other professions. They will because they can and because we make them. Printing out the truth (not that they are low skilled but how lowly Singapore regards nursing) probably snapped plenty of last straws among the nurses who have been motivating themselves with delusions till then.

So Singaporeans should be contented to be nursed by Pinoys. If we are not happy about it, always remind ourselves that it's our own bloody fault that the young does not take up the profession anymore and many established left the industry or continue in another country that respect them. As far as I know, our Pinoy friends are silently plotting an escape route using nursing experience in Singapore as a platform. It is sad the situation in Singapore has reduced to such a sorry state, devoid of passion, loyalty and a sense of belonging.

Meanwhile CK has put it appropriately. Nursing is the passport to the world. That was why people such as Ling and himself initiated a mid-career change, got themselves through the baptism of fire before earning their angel wings to fly them to a place where they will be happy to serve their noble cause. Singapore's loss, really - no matter how many foreigners you can import to replace them.

******

Hello J******,

Since this is the Month of Libra, I will dedicate this series to two good people I know, one having her birthday today and the other, will be celebrating his first birthday as a father tomorrow.

Happy birthday, old farts. And I love both of you.

I have never tried doing a straight comparison between Australia and Singapore through these 2 years because it is simply impossible to do an objective one based on the perspectives of a single man, so it brings little value to anyone who cannot related to my personal preferences. That means my own endeavour can be entirely different from the other Singaporean. Having said that, I'll try to keep subjectivity down to the minimum. A point to note, I have never traveled or worked in any parts of Australia except for Perth. So any information provided may not be a good representation of the whole Australia, the weather for example. If there are any comparisons that I missed out but you are interested in, leave a comment and I will do one. Eventually I will compile the comparisons on a single page with summaries and links to the main articles.

Weather

Wah. Damn it. Whenever I make a joke about Christians the yolk will end up on my face, every single time. I wonder which church Peter Yu went to. You know you want a piece of that. After all, it gave him

See, being Christian is great and I stand corrected. He is courageous enough to be interviewed and reveal his noobish taxi driving record so far, using our legendary $7,000 a month Hasnor Hashim as the gold standard of course. If Peter works 30 days a month, he'll take in $4,500. That's only 65% of the benchmark. To be honest, that's not bad at all but you know Singaporeans lah, we will be normally shy to tell everyone we got a 65% in our exams if we know the bloody nerd freak next class got a 100%.

Whenever a journalist reports a piece of new, I believe he or she should ask this question: Who benefits? I don't know who really benefits from this. It's a subtle attempt to calm the public down, assuring their taxi drivers are earning well enough to support a family. Bear in mind, taxi drivers is one of our Big 4 vocations, namely Security guard, Mc Donald's, Recycling agent, Taxi driver (SMRT) that Singaporeans would take up at their last resort. So that makes our first few resorts seem a lot more rosy doesn't it, if the last resort doesn't sound that bad.

It benefits the Christian church for sure. After the City Harvest scandal, recruitment must be a tough thing for all churches across Singapore. Ah, now the recruiters can show this piece of news and say, "Want wife? (showing a picture of Serena Wee), join us lah!" before continuing on with the 10 folds, 20 folds, 100 folds bullshit. Singapore bachelors will soon be swarming to the church nearest to you.

Does Peter benefits from this? I'm not sure why Peter Yu agreed to sell his piece of story to the prostitute press. He probably did not get money (or much) for that. Perhaps knowing his ex-wife well enough, he knows that it will drive her mad to know that he now lead a happy life with his new family. So much win for him if so.

Did Singaporeans benefit from this? Well we can't expect every piece of tabloid to be beneficial or educational to us. However can we expect more responsible reporting? I think they just slammed another nail into the taxi drivers on the street. Hop on to a cab soon and ask, "Eh uncle, you earn $4,500 a month ah?" and see what responses you'll get. Or ask James [link] the Taxi Driver Blogger. Read about how he failed to break even on bad nights and then consider the fact it isn't likely he can make $400 another day to make up for it. Come on, do we still need blatant lies to hoodwink the general public?

It started not long ago when the dearest neighbour asked me for help to write her complain letter to the hospital that subjected her grandfather to agony. Up till then I avoided doing anything of that sort because I hated it.  I hated that because I used to get abysmal grades for any effort of that nature during school. Be it the complain letter, an ordinary memo, a job request, an advertisement, an announcement or a warning letter, anything, I was usually scored 5/10 and no more than 6/10 at best. Of course, that left me wondering what the hell was wrong with myself. Wouldn't you?

Unfortunately, dearest neighbour insisted I should help her because "my English was better than hers." Hmm. Poor thing, she must have gotten the 4/10s in school. So I gave it a go. She didn't get back to me about how it went. It didn't turn out that bad I assume, unless she couldn't bring herself to telling me, "Your letter couldn't do shit-all." A year later, Maggie Mag asked me to do a similar thing. To write a formal letter informing HDB that they discovered an unwanted present embedded in their wall by their contractors. That too, received some attention that we hoped for.

I thought I was alright, until I read some of those done by Gintai, realised why I was the 5/10 shit. I've much to learn from. The reason why I volunteered doing the latest one was because I couldn't stand the injustice that I thought they suffered in their house building adventure. For one, I admitted I wouldn't go along if he asked me to go down to site to pia jui. He definitely make a much more convincing case doing that himself. But writing letter, why not? Especially taking on a guai lan cocky Ang Mo. So I shoved the cock back into his mouth. Yes they would act, they better. Sometimes I wondered if I did more harm than good helping these folks writing 5/10 stuff. Hopefully, things would turn out better for them.

Having said that, I do not believe the pen is mightier than the sword. If the pen is mightier than sword, why then, are actions louder than words? The problem with Singapore is that we talk too much, shoot too much "black and white", blog too much and do nothing, unless you considered having a cheerleading picnic as Hong Lim Park as something. Words can only do so much if the sword is not used in tandem. I don't literally mean take up arms and create violence. That doesn't solve any problems. It could be as simple as throwing a piece of coded litter in the right bin. Until then, the pen will write on and on till it dries.

If you make a move to Australia, all will be well and you will live happily ever after. I am sorry if I misled any of you to think that way, lest the Singaporeans already in Australia started demanding answers for "Why I no happy?"

It is true I may be happier here, but not the way you think. I didn't look at Australia with dreamy wet eyes before I came. I always knew things would only get worse, not better. The weather would only get worse. Standard of living would only decline. Houses would get more expensive and eventually priced out of the ordinary working class. Roads would get hellishly congested. The metropolitan region would gain density and size until it would be logistically impossible to stay efficient and yield to building upwards. School children would be stressed out with extreme competition and would face unemployment issues upon years and years of academic investment. The economy would go on a bear run for more than a decade (and I don't need an economist to tell me so). Locals would have their tolerance limits tested and eventually give way to (radical) xenophobic-ism. Ooh, what a painfully familiar story.

Since it will all turn out the same, or worse, eventually so why did I bother? Well I moved to buy the inches, the precious inches that are fast dwindling in Singapore. When the "Cheaper, Faster, Better" mantra came out, even atom in me told me I better go. A good bull fighter never lose sight of an escape route should his fight goes awry. The wise will never have their backs against the wall, for you need space to back down. Heck, you need space for a good momentum leap even if you decide to scale the wall at last resort.

Am I making excuse for "quitting"? No and there isn't a need for any. All of us were descendants of so call "quitters" that someone disrespectfully put it, including himself really. There is nothing wrong fighting for the inches that threatens our survival. We were in an environment where interest rates could not be cut much further to stimulate the economy yet we were told to celebrate prosperity. Our children were fighting in a pernicious arena where the PSLE score of 280 was no longer considered outstanding enough. Our roads were bursting at their seams that even an ambulance could not get to destination on time. Many of us were a critical illness away from bankruptcy. We were told to work more for less and we could certainly do so but the questions were, how much longer, faster and cheaper could we go? When things will not work out even if we work 24 hours a day, when even foreigners no longer accept being as cheap as they are, what then?

We needed a reboot, a place for the unhurried soul. A place where inches are still available and can be sacrificed for survival when the need arises. I didn't come here to "slack", for those days were merely clever illusions at the present, if they really existed in the past. I don't think any Singaporeans should come with the mindset of having an "easier life". Tell me, do you think I had it easy since I came? Things are definitely better than the earlier days but it is by no means "easier" than the comfortable managerial life in NParks where I hugged trees for a living. But the comfort didn't come cheap in Singapore, for I expended all the inches in the knapsack for it.

We were lucky to be a generation blessed with these inches but what about our children? Our parents slogged their guts out because they knew that would give their children a better life. They were correct and delivered. At the way things are going, not even the elites will have the confidence that their children will lead a better life than themselves, evidently so seeing how fast they send their children abroad, including the guy who called that act, "quitting." As they know the real hard truths, the inches are running out fast.