A Singaporean In Australia

Last night my wife placed my hand on her tummy. There, I finally felt the baby's kicks. "Thud, thud, thud." It suddenly occurred to me we were about 3 months away then.

The radiologist said she thought it was a boy, though she "wasn't 100% sure," so we had to assume it was going to be a boy. Unlike little Albany, I never had doubts about what name I was going to give her. It was Albany right from the start. The boy needed a name too. I pondered for a while before I dozed off. No names at all. Not even a shortlist. It was harder than I thought.

It was only when I had to name my son, I realised how many guys I dislike. Parents tend not to name their kids after someone they know, unless of course, they are dead and naming their children after them is an act of honoring them. Otherwise, it is kinda odd to be in this situation, "William, meet Uncle William." So it would perhaps be a good idea to give your son a name that none of your close friends have. However, there must be a reason why the rest of the people aren't your close friends. It is likely that you have things you dislike or hate about them in the first place. Thus it would be stupid to give your son one of their names and start wondering why you tend to smack them in the face for no good reason later on.

By eliminating the names of the guys whom I get along with and as well that many idiots I had met before, there aren't many names left to choose other than some gay sounding names like Dashiel or something. Don't get me wrong. I know the good intentions of parents naming their boys as such. We tend to call our friends by shortform. Jennifer will be Jen and Christopher will be Chris. Thus a hippie name like Dashiel will have an endearing shortform as Dash, which is obviously meant as a compliment to good looks, unless, in an unlikely case, his parents think he will grow up to perpetually make dashes to the toilet or away from the police. Though it seems like a good idea, it is unnecessary to name your kid after an attribute you would like him to have, lest he grows up opposite to his namesake and be an ironic joke wherever he goes. I know a certain Prime Minister of a country who is supposed to be as display his swag like a glorious dragon as his given name suggested. Unfortunately, he tends to go on a holiday whenever there is a critical need to appear in public to address wanting issues. Yet you can't expect his parents to name him something to do with an ostrich, right? I mean, how would they know it will turn out that way? Thus, I'll eliminate names such as Victor.

I won't choose a name that he can't even spell it himself, such as Fistandantilus, (therefore known as Fist for short), neither would I want to give him a name with multiple variations in use. Shawn, Sean, Shaun, Shywn. An example of its female counterpart will be, Jaslyn, Jasline, Jaslynn, Jesline, Jeslynn, Jeslyn. wtf?! Dyslexia is more serious than we think. 

Perth friends laughed and told me since I named Albany after a town in WA, I should have just carry on the practice. Some suggested names are Augusta and Geraldton. Nice try folks. Why not Balga, Karratha or Gidgegannup? Not quite feasible. It doesn't always work that way.

I guess a lot depends on where our boy is going to grow up. If he grows up in Singapore, give him an Ah Beng name to blend in. Maybe Rexton or something. So he can drive his satki WRX around while I put up the announcement to disown him in Shitty Times. Since I'm too lazy to move around in the near future, I guess he'll need a local beng name instead. John or Steve sounds about perfect, since every warehouse supervisor I've met so far seem to have either of these names. Or Jim. Perfect fit if he grows up to mow grass for a living.

I'm no good at this. I guess I'll let Jen do this thing.

The most frightening thing about this was that when I sent this screenshot to my friend, a Singaporean mother, her reply was, "Hmm, I will take note!"

That was a painful reply I least expected from her.

Any wonder why the average Singaporean kid is stressed out flat from unnecessary pressure from paranoid parents? During my days, we were lucky enough to have cool parents that didn't label us as potential murderers after we turned our sisters' dolls into helicopters by spinning them by their hair. Back then, it was probably a relief for a father that his boy played with dolls, unknowingly paying special attention to their boobs. At least he also showed interests in girls rather than fondling a half-naked He-Man all the time. These days, boys playing with dolls must be alarming for our supposedly well educated litter of parents, with all these LGBT paranoia going on.

Paranoia is really the nicest word I can use to describe people who think toy planes, cars and trains are supposed to be "boys' toys." 

So girls are supposed to ride on rainbow ponies instead of a good 'ol plastic truck? How about fighting? How are young girls suppose to fight with their brothers when the time calls for it?  By using their supersonic toy kitchen ladle against their brothers' lightsabre? What do these young girls do later in life when men tell them to get back to the kitchen. They call men sexist and whip them with their feminazi crap. Whose fault was that? Jason Sim and his "We are against Pinkdot" crapshit group. Girls are supposed to play with rainbow ponies, dolls, make up and kitchenettes you know? Why would feminist groups insist it should be any different after they grow up then? These self righteous groups should just fight, burn and kill themselves. That will make the world a better place.

You know what Singaporean parents ought to take note about brainwashing instead? About how their children are being taught that a certain group of people is incorruptible and how they should worship these heroes of the nation for which everything they have is bestowed by these demi-gods. About the news and newspaper always tell the truth. About how 5Cs measures the worth of their lives. About how meritocracy and aristocracy can be interchangeable whenever it fits. There are a lot more to worry about while mankind is on the verge to discover alien life while cultists are still calling out for homosexuals to be condemned to the deepest crevice of hell.

"Why don't you become a migration agent?"

I have been asked this question countless times. It seems logical for them. Since I am already answering questions posed by Singaporeans about migration issues, is that not a good idea to start a career out of it? After all, according to these folks, I already have a "customer base."

No.

Singaporeans. Since all we think of it money, isn't it also logical for the so call customer base to magically disappear after I declare I am charging a fee for my services? These write ins are just Singaporeans who are unwilling to pay a dime to a migration agent and hope they can get away with it. In other words, cheapos. While most Singaporeans will find this term derogatory, I don't. I would have done the same thing myself if there was any blogger guy living in Australia who may be able to answer some of my queries when I was searching for answers back then. Cheapo, whatever. Besides, being cheapo is a strong survival trait, desirable for any Singaporean soul who are brave enough to step out of the well. A cheapo is likely to drop his or her materialistic tendencies widely bred in Singapore. That can only be a good thing. You should be proud being called a cheapo.

Besides, it is fun to give advice without responsibilities. Perhaps the most ideal situation is to talk shit and get paid for it, just like what Sumiko Tan has been doing for decades. Not everyone though, has the devil's luck. So I have to be contented answering queries for free. Since free advice is dangerous, I have the privilege of bullshitting my way through without being taken to task, such as recommending Melbourne as the best choice of destination where obviously Sydney is where Singaporeans will feel at home. Perth of course, is a shithouse, the 19th level of Hell in fact, where you get tortured for eternity with boredom. I tell the truth once in a while, you better believe it.

Furthermore I tend to have the habit of drifting away from the blog, distracted by writing in another blog or playing online games elsewhere. If I am a migration agent, I would not be able to do so. I want to go my type of MIA without worrying about putting a dent in my business reputation.

Then I would have to write a list of articles related to migration with subtle hints all over the place about why it is good to let a migration agent take care of your migration toils. And why I should be that agent. I rather close down the blog if I have to do this. I will never enjoy blogging here again.

Who will hire a chaotic neutral, muddle headed bo chap guy as their migration agent anyway? I am surprised that anyone still ask me to consider being one.

Thank you so much for replying!!!

On a side note, do you mind just putting my initials instead of name on your blog please?

And.... do you have any input regarding the bit on financial & nature of household section? We have been in a long distance relationship, no shared assets (not that we needed to) hence we want to actually start living together by getting the visa sorted.... That's our major worry at the current moment. We don't know if we should approach the AU High comm. people to ask or if not who? We're not looking to turn to paid migration agent at the moment though.

Any ideas?

:)

In such a case, instead of going for Subclass 309, you can consider Subclass 300 (Prospective Marriage visa) instead. A few key notes about this visa,

• To be an eligible sponsor, your partner will need to be aged 18 or over and be an Australian citizen, Australian permanent resident or an eligible New Zealand citizen.

The prospective marriage visa has a couple of advantages over a spouse visa. Firstly, it is potentially quicker to process, since there is a marriage plan and date involved. Please give them ample time to process your case though, say, your wedding about 6 months or so at the time you lodge your application. Secondly, the required documents of your relationship will be considerably lesser. 

Take my case as a comparison, when we got married, we do not have a HDB flat to our names. Many Singaporean couples to live apart until they purchase their HDB flats. Sometimes it can take a few years. Though this practice is very common in Singapore, to the Australia Immigration Dept, it seems like a dodgy marriage to them and screams fraud. Thus, my wife had to move into my parents' flat after marriage and change her mailing address there. With official documents such as bills or insurance coming through, we were able to prove that we were living together. Bills or expenses would be paid from our newly set up joint account to show we share our financial burdens. These were far from convincing but that was the best we could do under those circumstances. We were rated as a "high risk" case (as evident from our waiting time) but eventually got through.

Since a Prospective Marriage visa works on completely different dynamics, the emphasis on your living together will be much lower. The focus is pretty much on your marriage. The more details (I don't mean more lavish) you can provide them about your wedding arrangements, the better. Take for example, the guests list, with their contact numbers provided for verification to show these are for real. Remember, you can never provide too many details on this.

Next will be to prove that your long distance relationship happened. Yes, the Immigration Officers will read through all your lovey, dovey emails, smses. Even sexts will not daunt them a bit. Travel documents, (if you kept them by any chance) will be crucial to prove both of you have met, or had traveled together, when and how. Any documents with both your names (and faces) on it will be useful to prove your relationship, such as accommodation bookings, air tickets, photographs etc. It is the most cheesiest thing I had to do but that's the way it is. To make your case stronger, include statutory declarations by a few mutual friends.

A key point to remember. Do not get the wrong idea that any specific document is mandatory. That's a silly Singaporean mentality that we tend to fall into. The idea is to put up a convincing case. While a wide array of documents is obviously a good thing, you can get your visa even without certain documents they ask for (except the wedding arrangements of course). 

Confused? My advice is to print out a prospective visa application form and a checklist and go through it. Both documents will give you a good idea what you have to prepare and alarms you what you lack. There is no time to waste. It will not be very convincing for example, to open a joint account 3 days before you lodge your application. Do not delay. Put your foot in and start working on it today.

1) Call up any Justice of Peace in Singapore and ask if they are willing to certify your copies. Bring along both your original document and the copies. The JP will check and sign on them. These will be recognised as certified true copies. JPs will not usually charge for doing these. Alternatively, law firms provide certifying services as well but their charges vary quite widely. Unlike in Australia where many professionals (such as policemen, nurses, pharmacists etc.) are able to certify or be a witness, lawyers are the only recognised vocation to do the same. Ironic. The crooks.

Mine took about 12 months in all. Thus I was deemed as a high risk case. If your application is rated low risk, you will be able to get it processed in half the time. Though an online application is possible, due to the unique nature of this application, there will likely be a lot of hard copy items to be submitted. Thus a submission to the embassy may be a better choice.

3) Your health check is only required when a Case Officer picks up your application. If an officer requests for a health check, it usually means that your application is in order and is approaching the final stages. It will be approved within 1-2 once your health check (and police clearance) reaches the immigration office in Australia. (the clinic will post the results there by mail)

The partner temporary Visa (Subclass 309) allows the holder to:

If your relationship is ongoing two years after your partner temporary visa, you will be eligible to apply for a permanent visa (Subclass 100) which allow you to:

There is no difference between these 2 visas in terms of the eligibility to work.

asingaporeanson 

I seldom realise I have not been updating this blog for a while but normally I will be reminded. Then I'll get my butt working again. I have nothing much to share about migration. All that needs to be written are written. The rest is up to you. I don't think any of you are really that interested in what I do or where I go with my family, what we eat and other what not. I had done a lot of those but those seemed to be a distraction of the main theme of the blog. Thus I hardly update about my life lately, minimizing the irrelevancy.

This post that marks my re-re-re-re-return to writing is about bad advice and percentages. By the rule of thumb, free advice is bad advice. Thus everything you read here may very well be bad advice. That goes the same for the advice given by yet another charlatan who advises you not to heed any advice you get receive here. Equally free advice and probably equally bad.

When I was contemplating my move in 2011, Uncle Lai told Penny to warn us against the move, citing a "white-collar recession." I did not heed his well intended advice because I wanted to move out of Singapore, period. Today, I am 2 months away from my 4th year in Perth. Bad advice or not, the decision was made and never regretted. One may argue that 2015 is worse than 2011 and so it makes the same old advice even more valid. Well, 2011 was indeed worse than 2007 too. So what's your fucking point? If I have a crystal ball and tell you for certainty that 2019 will be worse than 2015, will that halt your move? I believe that depends heavily on your intentions. If you are moving for the money, you should have never considered leaving Singapore in the first place. However if you are leaving for other reasons..... do I need to say more?

Look. They call a 5 or 10 % unemployment high. To me it means 9 out of 10 people are employed. If you happen to be the fucking 1 guy then of course that's truly bad times for you. So it is actually a good idea to shelf your migration because 1 guy out of 9 couldn't find a job? I would have thought you are moving to Greece. 

If you are uncomfortable when the odds are against you, I wonder why you bothered to take up driving, since in a country where there are more sheep than humans and cars, the average driving test passing rate is only 60%. If you still went ahead although you had a 4 out of 10 chance to fail, why does a 1 out of 10 unemployment bother you that much?

You exist because you beat 200 to 600 million other sperm to the race to your mother's ovary. That's a feat by itself but don't let that fool you, none of us is special. None. Since everyone is a unique individual or champion, that makes none of us special. We are all dumbfucks who are doomed to fail as long as luck don't come our way. However, I am a strong believer of making our own luck. Where migration is being concerned, you only need 1 job out of the 1000s out there. Imagine if you are a man born in China and the government tells you that there is 5% drop in female births in the country, will you go into panic mode just because there is 6,9 million less females for you to find a partner? It is only mentally viable to have 1 wife. How many wives do you need. How many jobs do you need? 1.

If you are looking for a cushy situation where you are sit down, masturbate and collect cash, you will be better off staying where you are. Else, there is always a place for a fighting spirit somewhere out there in the world.

What do we really mean by bad times anyway? Bad economy, high unemployment, natural disasters or what? Why don't you ask the same people who told you not to move how they live their lives through these bad times and see how terrible their lives must have been. They are probably sipping their drinks by their alfresco while you are still in your office. Or are they so hungry, scouring the fields for tapioca because they have not been working for 5 years? Ironically, for some reasons they refuse to fuck off back to Singapore despite the terrible times here to put their money where their stinking mouths are. You wish they do. Ha.

First and foremost I like to extend my appreciation for your well written and frank blog detailing your migration journey from SG to AU. I have been following it for a few months and had read probably close to 90% of your blog posts. 

I am a 40 yo IT Sales Professional Malaysian residing in Malaysia. I have a wife (36 yo) and a daughter (3 yo going 4 in December - probably around the same age as Albany). I had a chat with my wife on my intention to migrate to AU. Surprisingly she's supportive. Great first hurdle checked. Then I arranged to meet up with a migration agent in downtown KL). We had our first meeting yesterday. 

During the meeting he shared with me the steps involved, estimated timeline and cost for each step. Based on his calculation, I should be getting 60 points (65 points if I can score 8 and above for ILETS or 70 points if my wife can get 6 and above for ILETS). According to him, AU government/states are not looking for anyone with my skill set i.e. it's not on the SOL. He advised me to go ahead with the Assessment (AUD3,600) and he'll put in the Expression of Interest (EOI) once there's any requirement for my skill set on the SOL. The Assessment is valid for 2 years. 

Here's my dilemma. 

1. Is it realistic to expect there will be a need for someone with my skill set (IT Sales Professional) in AU for the next 2 years? Do I roll the dice now and hope my skill set will be required by AU within the next 2 years?
2. How often does the AU government update the SOL list? 

I hope my questions are not too dumb to be asked and thank you for your time reading this email.

P.s. The agent I spoken to has only 7 months under his belt and he couldn't answer some of my questions or maybe I am not getting the answers I am hoping for???

Hi Terence,

Don't do it.

I can't remember seeing IT Sales on the SOL since 2008. Don't take my word on it. What you should do is verify my claim. If the agent is worth the salt, ask him when was the last time this vocation on the SOL. We are not asking for the agent to predict when it will be on the SOL. That will be pointless. Past records though, can be a good tool to gauge the future. Since Australia had enjoyed a good past decade of economic growth, if IT Sales was never on the SOL during these years, it will never be for the next 5 where Australia will be going through a recession. If your agent cannot provide past data, go to the next one. He is not worth your time. 

The immigration department usually update the SOL once a year during July. However, there will be times there will be minor updates during the beginning of the year.

Perhaps your wife's profession may yield a higher chance if it is already on the SOL. You may wish to look into it.

Good luck,

asingaporeanson

A tip off by our friend J, who has never been forgotten. It is about a $1 per week rental program.

If I couldn't find a job during my earlier days in Perth and I happened to know the existence of such a project, I would have likely to move deep into the regional areas with my baby. Since I have no income, it makes little financial sense to keep paying hundreds in rental every week bite fingers as savings dwindle.

So moving to a house under the $1 a week rental program will suit me fine. This is how they describe the program

This program is started in bid to save some of the dying towns around Australia due to negative growth in population. So this is not strictly a labour-for-accommodation exchange. While some house owner only expect you to renovate his house while staying in it for your $1 rental, some towns might only require you to send your children to the local school to keep the school and the school buses services running. There are options available to your skills and motivations and deals are expected to be highly flexible and negotiable. If I were to consider taking it up, I will check with the representative if there are jobs available that I can take up outside my basic scope of responsibilities so that I can even save some money while I'm there. No matter what, I'm sure my family will not starve to death in an environment where I may be expected to maintain a farm.

Living conditions may not be anything that common Singaporeans have experienced. As such, we call it these conditions "harsh" or "bad", we'll have basically nothing good to say about it. I beg to disagree. This form of living isn't bad. It is just different. Whatever that we may be deprive off in these environment, such as convenience or comfort, will be compensate in another form that we cannot even fathom because we have yet to experience. Life in a farm is not a bed of rose but it isn't as difficult as we think too. However, it takes time for realisation to materialise but Singaporeans rarely have the patience to wait. With only a fixed set of reality in our minds, nowhere else in the world will be good enough. Of course, that is the biggest lie a man can convince himself to believe.

Hi Nix, 

First and foremost, thanks for your wonderful blog of ideas and accounts on your stay in Perth. This is my first time to bug you on sound hdb/migration advise (wont be last I'm sure). 

My hubby and I (35 and 30 years old respectively) applied for a BTO Punggol waterway 5rm unit back in 2011 when we first got married. Fast forward a kid later in 2013, we secured our skilled occupation visa back in Jan 2013, and have been saving since for the big migration. 

The BTO project was slated to complete in Q3'15 but to date no news. Concurrently, we booked our one way tickets to Melbourne (15 Aug) with contemplating thoughts of cancelling the BTO upon our departure. 5% deposit from our CPF has paid up $25k towards the choice unit. If we get the keys to the unit, we have around $150k to wipe off from CPF and the rest $200k on hdb loan - works out to $1.2k per month instalment repayment. 

Friends and relatives kept urging us to keep the BTO as a safety net... in case we dont "make it" there, there is a home to come back to. In the meantime, rent out 2 rooms legally till 5 yr Minimum occupation period (MOP), thereafter sell or upgrade to condo. Take it as a sound investment. 

Our main concern is, we wont even get to meet the MOP considering we will be out of SG for some time. Furthermore, we will both be unemployed by the time we leave SG, how will HDB recalculate our loan eligibility? 

I read on forums that HDB grant discretion on case by case basis. If after 5 yrs i intend to sell the house and do not meet MOP, HDB will repossess and pay 85% of the purchase value.

I am not asking you as a HDB call centre, I have gotten in touch with them and was presented with the facts above. What we look to you for is sound advise and a voice of reason amidst this mayhem of a HDB unit. To keep or not to keep?

Sincerely, 

Y

Hi Y,

Firstly, congratulations and good choice of making Melbourne your home. It is certainly not as full as Perth so more Singaporeans should make move to Melbourne.

There is no sound advice to your question unless you to have full clarity of your goals. Ask yourself these questions:

How do you define 'making it' in Australia?

Will you return to Singapore if you 'make it'?

Will you return to Singapore if you do not 'make it'?

Do you foresee a good housing market in the next 30 years in Singapore?

Will your friends and relative take up responsibility if your sound investment go bad?

Your answers to the above will lead you to your decisions.

Now about dead-locking yourself in the scenario you take up the BTO flat. If you return to Singapore once a year for about a month each time, it will take you 60 years to clock a 5-year MOP in order to qualify you as legal sellers, according to HDB's current policy of fatuity. So let's not think of profiting from Say if you decided to sell it at 85% of your purchase price X years later, will your rental collected over X years cover this 15% loss? The equation is simple: HDB will makan $52.5k off you. Say if you plan to sell the place after 4 years, you will need to be able to rent up your rooms for $1093.75 a month in order to break even (not factoring inflation and interest rates). Will you be able to do that? If not, you will need to rent it out for a longer period to break even or get positive returns on your investment. (Note: 4 years in Australia makes you eligible to apply for citizenship = renounce SG citizenship = take out CPF funds) Bad or good investment? You decide.

Say if there is a high possibility of returning to Singapore after encountering some hurdles, it is definitely a good idea to have a safe haven waiting for you by the Waterway. Much will depend on your mindset. If you are taking this option, do your loan assessment before leaving and return after a year or so to collect your keys, do your renovation and rent it out. By that time, they don't give a damn whether you are employed or not as long as you pay your mortgage on time. Alternatively, move your folks into your new cosy house for them to enjoy instead of the tenants and rent out their older HDB flats whole.

Or lose $5k(?) to give it all up and save all the trouble and focus your full energies on living a new life overseas. 

I'll choose losing my deposit (btw 5% is downpayment, not deposit). You see, the likes of OSU always claimed that Singapore is working hard lure overseas Singaporeans back to Singapore. The fact that such a HDB policy exist, seemingly as a move to cool down the property market fevered mainly by the sharp influx of Singapore PRs, but does not exempt Singaporeans, tells me otherwise. For Singaporeans who obviously need a house to live in which country we are working overseas at, we are allowed to hold a HDB flat only we do not buy a second property overseas. So they are expecting us to live under the bridge or in caravan parks? Or bite the bullet and rent houses for as long as we are away, which makes no financial sense since we are overseas to earn money in the first place, only to burn them all up in house rental. Policies against the people. Mind blown. 

The message that HDB and the Singapore Government is conveying to me is clear, "Cross the bridge and stay put or burn it." There is no middle ground.

So if you have made the decision to leave, fuck them and their fucken policies and leave like you mean it.