If Jesus Christ Was Singaporean

Christmas is over but the festive joy isn't. If you can take a joke, read on.

If Jesus Christ Was Singaporean
by asingaporeanson

Jesus was born in KK Hospital some years ago. For 30 years, Jesus lived a traditional Singaporean life, working as a carpentry contractor. During this time, Singapore was under the PAP's dictatorship for half a century. Jesus introduced himself as 'Ah Chris' to his clients.

In his thirties, the liberal embrace of foreign workers affected Ah Chris' small business. He found his company unable to win job tenders due to the increase in competition with the emergence of many small teams of foreign workers led by one of their countryman who managed to turn Singapore PR. As a result he took on a second job after regular office hours as a self-motivation trainer. His teaching were popular with clients because of its effectiveness. Some students began to claim that their new uplifted spirit as miracles and great recommend Ah Chris to friends as their personal coaches. Soon, Ah Chris' make-shift office turned into a big business.

Ah Chris' key messages in his training some also includes

  • God loves you and is with you, unlike the government
  • Love one another, don't sinkies pwn sinkies anymore
  • Invest in true blue Singaporeans
  • Democracy has come to Singapore
  • Reality of judgement to a good government
  • God forgives those who question

Many have asked, "Who is Ah Chris ah?" Ah Chris' most controversial act was that he repeated claimed to be God, which was a direct violation of the Singaporean law. Due to Ah Chris' increasing popularity, religious leaders, damn dulan of their decreasing tithe in their Suntec City Church, asked the Singapore government to apprehend him. In each of his official trails, the court found Ah Chris not guilty of breaking any Singapore law. Some government officials even believed Ah Chris was God. Still, the religious leaders, using the argument of political disfavour, convinced Pinky that Ah Chris was a threat to his dragon throne.

Pinky threw Ah Chris an ultimatum, ISD or Hougang Chalet. Ah Chris knew ISD was a straight route to erm heaven where he was supposed to be, he chose Hougang Chalet to punt for a chance to be released later so he could continue his work. Instead of sending him to Hougang, the armored van where Ah Chris was detained went straight to Changi. In the prison, Ah Chris was subjected to ISD torture in their mobile van, parked within the Changi prison premises without coupon for a week. Ah Chris, for all his visionary prowess, certainly did not envisage that. Eventually, Ah Chris was hanged for having drugs in his possession, in which the media explained that Ah Chris used drugs for mind control over his faithful clients.

Three days later, Ah Chris' Facebook follower were shocked to see an update from him, a simple phrase "YOLO" was all it took to convince many that was the conclusive proof that Ah Chris' claims to be God were real. According to residents in Tampines and Pasir Ris, on that evening Ah Chris left the earth by rising up into the polluted sky. Somebody even managed to take a low resolution video of Ah Chris' rising and posted it online. The video soon went viral. 

As a result of these miraculous events, the number of Ah Chris' Facebook new followers increased dramatically by a few thousands every day. The religious leaders responded by trying to get Facebook to shut down Ah Chris' page, citing a dead man should not be allowed to own a Facebook page but Facebook response was short and curt, "Balls."

Within a few years, people throughout the world became Facebook followers of Ah Chris, though there wasn't anymore updates after his last, "YOLO" comment. Although some of Ah Chris' messages and teachings were diluted or communicated through the expansion of a new religious institution, Ah Chris' original Facebook updates and life still speak loudly for themselves.


  1. Punters who bought 4D of the date and/or time of Ah Chris death won jackpot.

    Years before Ah Chris death, he warned that the big floods will repeat unless people repent. But gahmen retorted that it's only once in 50 years occurrence, only to eat their own words later that the floods cannot be helped.