An online article by CNA by Linette Lim titled: Companies look to overseas Singaporeans to fill jobs: Survey [link] appeared in few of my overseas Singaporean groups alert. The word "survey" triggered my snakey sense. Well you see, over the years I come to discover the secret world of phantom interviewees or ghost fans.
The phantoms are divided by two categories: Low and high level. Low level phantoms will be those who are nameless or very vaguely defined ones. Such as those phantoms that Dr Koh Poh Koon waved to after GE2011.
That scene (left) was sibei classic and should be shown on every NDP just like the scenes where Ah Kong cried on national television. Those were moments that define uniquely unique Singapore.
Other low level phantoms include phrases you read on Shitty Times such as "one student who was interviewed," or "Nin Nao Hia - 47, a taxi driver for 37 years."
Higher level phantoms are those with photographs, posing with a cheesy grin. You will never see one grumpy phantom because these folks come with happy stories to... well ... make you happy. Some examples are that taxi driver who earns $7,000 a month, that hero who with family and kids who bought a HDB flat with an income of $1,000 a month and so on. The reason why these phantoms hold greater weight (thus higher level) is because they are actually real people, never mind they are 1 in 10,000 who did what they did but were used to convey the message that the rest of the population are losers.
In this particular report by CNA (the above mentioned), there seemed to be many "surveys" done and statistics are thrown about liberally. They even get a elite level phantom to do this quote,
“And based on our survey, 82 per cent of overseas Singaporeans are keen to return home.”
- Mr Toby Fowlston, Managing Director of Robert Walters Southeast Asia.
A real name with a high ranked position of a reputed company. The class of phantom, termed "Ang mo gwee" is undoubtedly elite class phantom.
Wait, wait. Although there is not a penny on me for anyone to sue my pants off, I have to put a disclaimer here. I am not refuting the fact that the Ang mo may have done a credible survey with a meticulous methodology framework. Nor I was insinuating that a fake result was reported. In fact, I am here to back his findings that 82% of overseas Singaporeans are keen to return to Singapore. (sorry I changed the wording a bit because the Ang Mo may not understand that not every overseas Singaporean, much less 82% of them, regard Singapore as "home" anymore)
Well here goes. The qualitative survey results done by asingaporeanson.blogspot.com, your most trusted overseas Singaporean website. The survey was done by posing the same question to all the overseas Singaporeans groups I have access to. Mind you, these people are not phantoms. I may have little education but I have morals. All interviewees can be identified, verified and thrown in ISA if necessary.
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| 1 count to "Yes", 0 counts to "No" |
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| 2 counts to "Yes", 0 counts to "No" |
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| 3.2 counts to "Yes" because response was overwhelming, 0 counts to "No" |
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| Surveying in Facebook group "Singaperth |
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| 4.2 counts to "Yes", 0 counts to "No" |
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| This is vague but after hours of analysis I gathered it is a "No" 4.2 counts to "Yes, 1 count to "No" |
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| 5.2 counts to "Yes", 1 count to "No" |
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| 6.2 counts to "Yes", 1 count to "No" |
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| 6.2 counts to "Yes", 2 counts to "No" oh nooooooooo! |
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| 7.2 counts to "Yes", 2 counts to "No" |
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| 8.2 counts to "Yes", 2 counts to "No" |
Amazingly, my own survey matches Ang Mo Kwee's survey results! There we go, the elite way to get your 82% to agree they are keen to return to Singapore.
That, ladies and gentleman, is how you do phantoming, Singapore media style.
Thank you for reading.