A Singaporean In Australia

No, despite the clickbait-like title, this is not some fucking stupid meaningless buzzfeed "listicle" or "testicle" or whatever you call it. 

Instead, I realized in this few weeks why living overseas really opens your eyes to be able to analyse the behaviour of people and understand, or continue to be completely mystified, at the things some people do, and learn something new about why people are assholes everyday. In fact, despite my satki office job which allows me to interact with satki people with satki sounding titles (I have satki office job title myself), and of course my satki black vios, I thought I was quite exposed to the type of retarded behaviour people can come up with. 

Today, I finally understood why most Singaporeans find that OSU and anything related to Singapore clubs funded from the little island state is full of shit and generally avoided by the plague. It is because the people who surround these things are usually attention and authority craving people who are so full of themselves they have their heads up their ass. And really, there is no difference between being a student, a working adult, or even a old duck going into retirement soon so you can shove your "REAL WORLD EXPERIENCE" up your ass. Assholes are assholes. 

So obviously, with the whole Singapore wetting their panties over SG50 and trying to outdo themselves in heaping praise on the Great Leader and how far Singapore has come since it was a fucking imaginary fishing village blah blah blah, we had the standard "all the Singaporeans gathering for National Day because we have nothing better to do on a weekend and we have no other friends anyway" gathering of Singaporeans. 

Now you must understand the makeup of the small town I am in is quite different from your typical Australian capital city with all its chiobu xmm students who seem to have spent all their money on their international school fees and eating at expensive brunch cafes so they can take their instagrams that they have problems affording enough cloth on their clothes, but anyway that is another story. Most of the people here are either working, or married a local and thus moved here so our gatherings, for the better, are usually more diverse in terms of cultural makeup because people drag their bored local partners to these things so they can sit there and pretend to be interested in durian or char kway teow or something, drink beer, and sit in a corner and improve their candy crush score. 

But anyway, cynicism aside, by far and large, most of these locals are genuinely interested in the Singapore culture and genuinely try to integrate and understand the different culture (which is why they married a Singaporean in the first place because if they just wanted a fuck they could go to Geylang or Clarke Quay or something), so it really is up to Singaporeans to respond to what is usually an initiative to integrate with your culture, etc. Because face it, as much as you try to mispronounce your words and tell people how many fucking years you've been here, no, you're still not Austraaaaaaalian - people still identify proudly with their Greek, Pacific Islander etc roots so there is really no reason why we shouldn't proudly identify with our Singaporean roots as much as we hate the fucking PAP and the shit Singaporeans spew sometimes. 

So, let me get to the crux of the story after my longwinded (but deep and meaningful) rant. Mr Beer, as i shall call him, is not Angmoh but is from a neighbouring country and has lived here for decades, is married to a Singaporean Auntie and they organized this party, cooking all the food and pretty much doing all the fucking work so the rest of the Singaporeans can chiong and da pao the food and stand around comparing whose lives, cars, houses and jobs are better. 

So when Ms Politician, who has been trying to suck up to the OSU and prides herself as the unofficial ambassador, decided to take a group photo of the event, she decided to announce that "only Singaporean nationals in the photo". Obviously Mr Beer was fucking insulted, and to the credit of the rest, nobody took it lying down during our AAR (After Action Review). 

When questioned, she claimed it was because the photo was for the OSU. Are you fucking stupid or what? You mean on my face got write "SINGAPOREAN CITIZEN" one ah? Another obvious hole in the story was that the other non Singaporean in the photo was a Malaysian doctor Ms Politician was trying desperately to angkat bola. 

Also, the pathetic NDP goodie bags with the cheap plasticky shit were "reserved" for her friends and she wanted them back after we used them as props for our photos. Thanks for reminding us what Singapore is about! 

It always befuddled me what people who crave authority approval think they will get out of carrying the balls of people they perceive to be important, just like those people who try to outdo themselves proclaiming how great our PAP leaders are, etc, trying to get attention etc.Unless you are actually a paid PAP IB (And i hear the market rate these days isn't that great either) these actions actually make those people lose respect for you - they aren't that dumb either. 

Also, this gives us some insight into the reason why some people always complain that angmoh countries are racist, elitist and exclusive. Because you, in the first place, have a fucking colonial hangover and are racist, elitist and exclusive yourself, and most of the times, your Angmoh lords can see it themselves and tell you to fuck off. Thats karma, how is it like being on the other side of the fence?

Regards,

Satki Yoda

I received a package from Ms Winking Doll from Canada last week. I was quite reluctant to give out my postal address for these reasons. Once I start to receive presents from the others, I will feel obligated (like anyone else) to send something back in return. Then it'll be 没完没了. I couldn't stop Winkingdoll's passion that time. She was on the roll, high on being a new mother and just genuinely happy for our pregnancy and wanted to send something over. To save her from busting, I eventually relented and allowed her to do so.

Do not be fooled by the card (above). Winkingdoll did not go through the trouble of chasing a goose in Stanley Park just to pluck a feather and send it over. She actually gave us a mini goodie bag with useful items for the new born and mother. And I tell you, this is better than any SG50 shit I'll have to register and beg for to get it. Lest anyone feel like asking, my answer is "No, I am not going apply for any SG50 Golden Jubilee Baby whatever or baby bonus." After what I had to go through for Albany, I will not even register my second child as a Singaporean citizen. Period.

Other than obviously the goose feather from Canada, we could actually buy whatever items that Winkingdoll sent us. Still, it felt really exciting to receive this package from someone so far away. Judging by that great feeling I experienced, if the Overseas Singaporeans Unit (OSU) is worth their salt and send me a card (since they go around collecting overseas Singaporeans' NRICs and overseas addresses all the time) after my newborn arrives, saying, "Dear asingaporeanson, no $ to offer but congratulations to your newborn. We actually give a fuck," I would actually consider relocating back to Singapore.

Fortunately, Winkingdoll chose an auspicious date to send me her goodie bag. It is going to buy me some time to accumulate my return package to the far North. I have a good few months to procrastinate before Australia Day. Meanwhile, friends will find me fixing a pervy glare on the pelicans lurking around the jetty during our next crabbing trip in the coming Summer. Else, a dried out, well pressed sample of a Huntsman spider should do the trick.

Meanwhile I have been noticing pictures of Winkingdoll's baby floating all around her FB wall lately. Baby is pink and healthy, delighting her parents and all. If you followed her blog, you are likely to be happy for her like me, that her migration to Canada allowed her to let go of a past she wouldn't wish to remember and to find peace and (unlikely at some stage) love in a foreign land.

Thank you and enjoy your motherhood WD. What a difference of a few years can make in our lives. May your journey continues to be fulfilling and meaningful. Wait for my spider.

What do Singaporeans understand about retirement? I have been asking Singaporeans I know about their retirement plans. Most of them answered, "Dunno," and the rest said they will "never be able to retire." That is of no surprise to me. For the past 2 decades of so, the Singapore government has been drumming into the minds of Singaporeans that retirement is an outdated concept. So that segment of Singaporeans who have been swallowing whatever their government shot out all along would have accepted they would have to work until they drop dead, for the honour and glory of the Motherland. While the minority of the population comes with a self filtering system and do not usually take the government word for word, most lost all hopes of the possibility of a retirement. Before long, Singaporeans don't even understand what is retirement.

It doesn't help matters when vultures working in the financial field keep cornering that innocent passerby, pin him down and ask him how much his month expenses are. Then the confident savvy chap in clown suit will draw him a straight line, depicting how many years of savings he'll need against how many years of projected unemployment sunset years, smartly referencing life expectancy figures from the government. Every conclusion is the same, "Your retirement is fucked. If you put your money with me, I'll save you. Not enough money? It's ok, give me whatever you can and I'll make it less fucked."

The common 2 reasons why Singaporeans cannot retire are;

1) You don't earn enough money.

2) You don't save enough money.

No matter how we play around with these two, most Singaporeans working "average" jobs will find themselves never having enough money to retire based on the third and the most important reason

3) You don't understand how to live below your means.

Trust me, this is bigger than you think it is. It isn't just about spending less, saving more or delayed gratifications. The problem with Singaporeans is that we have an extremely skewed expectations of life. Again, this root from the indoctrination from our dear government. We have been constantly told we are living in the best country in the world all our lives. We have been shown results during our yearly AGM on the 9th of August about how our lives have improved from drawing water from the street tap to having tap water in our flats to having premium finishes of today. We have been warned not to settle for anything other than the best. To vote for the best political party in the country and the best living conditions will be delivered to us. These notions are widely perceived to be positive and uplifting but to me, it masked the great underlying evil in the materialistic viscous cycle. What used to be a feature becomes a minimum requirement. What used to be a wish turns into an expectation. Living in such an environment render an ordinary individual hopeless in practicing the ways of living below his means. If indoctrination is unable to complete afflict, peer pressure will complete it.

I was introduced to a Singaporean man in his 40s a few weeks ago. He was trying to migrate to Australia and the doors are shut on him due to his age. As he was displaying unusual signs of desperation, I couldn't help but probe into his circumstances. He was doing really fine, like most Singaporeans in their mid 40s would. These folks were born into the correct decade, had rode the HDB wave and many paid up their flats before they even turned 40s, sitting on pure profits of 6 figures by just being there at the right time. As it turned out, I was right. That gentleman admitted he was having a well paying, cushy job without even the infamous stress level of a typical job in Singapore. His HDB flat cost him in the regions of $300,000 and was valued around $700,000 today. His children were approaching tertiary education and financial independence within a few years' time and he estimated he would have around $200,000 cash by the end of it.

Yet he could never retire - that was what he told me.

He reasoned that $200,000 would not even last him 20 years of retirement and even if does, if he lived beyond 20 years he would be royally fucked. I am pretty good in numbers. Even as I was chopping up ingredients for making fried noodles for Jen's lunch the next day, I calculated that based on his figures, he would have to live on $800+ ($833 to be exact) a month. I looked up and stole a glance at him before I returned to my chores.

"How about retiring in Malaysia or Thailand?" I asked, fully expecting what answer I was about to get. You can't get by with RM2400 or 20,000 baht a month, seriously?

"Nooooo! I would never live in those countries. It's too dangerous."

Really? Every corner is unsafe?

I don't get it. Why would anyone think Australia is suitable for retirement? You will be more likely to get killed by a Redback in Australia than being killed by a robber in Malaysia or raped by a bakpok in Thailand. Do you guys even learn statistics? Even Singaporeans who moved to Australia seemed to think there isn't anywhere else they can go for retirement other than staying put where they are. What is wrong with all of you? Don't you see it? We are plagued by that high-and-mighty mentality that nothing is good enough for us other than motherland and what is perceived to be comparable. If you think Australia is so good for retirement, why don't you retire in Alice Spring or Karratha? Maybe not? If Australia has a land mass of a million times bigger than Singapore that is not suitable for your retirement, then what cheek of you to say no corner of a country such as Thailand is safe or clean enough for YOU?

Alright. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. If one is unaware of his advantageous position to manipulate it to his needs, or aware but unwilling to be flexible, would he even try out an unconventional migration route paved out neatly?

If I was in such a position, with a HDB flat rentable at a few thousand dollars a month, a CPF payout of a few hundred dollars upon withdrawal age and the cash of $200,000 in the bank, I would be able to live in anywhere in the world if I wanted it. Why would I even care about Permanent Residency to certain countries at all? I daresay most Singaporeans holding the same portfolio would think the same way as this gentleman, resigned to working for the rest of their lives, because their savings was never going to be sustainable for their ever expanding cravings.

Even without touching the fixed assets, have anyone of you ever stop to think it is possible to live on $833 a month, $27.70 a day? Even the Son of Punggol (now AMK) can buy nearly 3 pairs of chopsticks with that. Is there no stage of your life you ever live like that? How miserable were you then? It could very well be the happiest stage of your lives for all you know it. Why do we think that our living expenses will continue to be the same after retirement? Who the hell told you that and why do you have to believe so? Why would you spend money for expensive business clown suits for instance? You don't even need to work. Why do you need a car? What's the fucking hurry to move around? Why do you need to eat out at Raffles Place when you have all the time to cook at home? Who made the rules that we have to have enough funds to sustain the level of expenses during employment? Why do you, the smartest of them all, have to abide by those rules?

Do you even know how to retire?

Dear Nix...

Been following your posts for quite some time as I have been planning to move to Australia. I have 2 daughters (4 and 2 yo) and they are the reason for the move. Our worry is the financial part and the housing. Need to survive before we find jobs. As I do not have any contacts in Australia... I would really really appreciate if you can help squeeze some valuable time to help advice me. I really really want the move.

1) which state is easier to find jobs? We are open to any jobs.... I think you mention Darwin? Or Melbourne? 

2) does 1 parent has to come over and secure a roof over our heads first as I read before that it is not even easy to rent a unit in Australia as they need references and I have none!

3) what are the expenses like Australia? Say in Melbourne. .. how much does it costs per month for: 

Rental - 1 room

Electricity and water bills

Internet bill

Milk nan and diapers

Phone plan

Car 

Is there other big ticket item I have not thought of?

Apologies as we need to roughly know how much to work out the financial. 

Though Melbourne is only 3,412 km away from Perth, you will probably get more accurate answers if you ask me about prices in Singapore, slightly further at 3,912 km away. For someone who has never stepped into Melbourne before, this is my most honest answer. If you are going to go right down to diaper costs, I highly recommend you to contact "A" at http://neurotic-ramblings-sg.blogspot.com.au/ who is living happily in Melbourne with her husband "S". Though she isn't a fan of baby things, there is a good chance she will give you an estimate of things, which will help you vastly. For my end, I would like to advice you to consider potty training for your younger daughter (assuming the older one is trained). We got little Albany trained at 2 years old and have been enjoying 100% savings on diapers since. That's 1 item off your list. If diaper costs really bother you, head on to [here] and [here]

I am using TPG [link] as my ISP. Yeah they suck but for a pissed poor peasant like me I am happy with their ADSL2+ bundle that cost me $60 a month for unlimited broadband. That should be a nationwide price so you can work on that. As a rule of thumb, my weekly groceries should cost around the same as my monthly internet bills. That covers all my meals as I rarely eat out, unless friends drag me there. As you can see, you should be worried about meals more than the internet. For more information of grocery prices, follow this [link] and keep clicking "load more posts." Hope the prices do not vary that much in Melbourne.

As I am living in a strata area, my water and electricity bills are fixed every month, regardless of my usage. My data will therefore be irrelevant to you. Remember to ask "A" (link above) in Melbourne nicely and you should get some figures. Avoid asking "S" as he is going to be grumpy about such things.

If you can afford milk in Singapore, you will get 50% more milk for the same cost in Australia. Fret not.

I am using a Woolworths Prepaid Card for my phone plan. It comes with a few GB of data and talk time that I rarely use up. It costs me around $30 the credit is valid for 45 days. I believe you will find something similar in Melbourne. I am paying Skype $60 a year for unlimited calls to both Singapore mobile and landlines. It gives me a maximum call out time of 3 hours a day. Since nobody in Singapore is going to talk to me for 3 hours, it is considered unlimited calls for me. If you do not need to call back to Singapore landlines, you can probably survive on whatsapp mobile to mobile calls for free. The call quality is as shitty as skype.

That leaves us just 2 more things to talk about. Probably the most important ones, if you ask me. The least important of the two have to be the car. If you read this blog long enough, you would have known my opinions about car - that is highly unconventional to most male humans. If money is your immediate concern, just remember the asingaporeanson slogan, "Buy a car, think BATA" You will never be able to enjoy this rare luxury of car ownership in Singapore in a Buy-And-Throw-Away arrangement. So go BATA in Melbourne. My previous BATA attempt yielded me 3 years of decent service from a 1998 Daihatsu Pyzar for $2,250. I believe there are many better deals out there and this probably gets better with experience. For example, I have been driving for new BATA for 6 months w/o a glitch. It is a 2002 Daihatsu Terios and I have reasons to believe this is going to last me way longer than 3 years. I bought this car for $1,250. Follow this [link] if you want to know more. If you are not into BATA, then you are not pissed poor enough and thus your financial worries are probably unnecessary. The prices you will be looking at will be around this range:  (go to carsales.com.au gumtree.com.au, dealer and private sellers respectively)

Now the biggest item of all. Accommodation costs are surely the biggest problem for new migrants. Solve this and there isn't much to worry about. If you have a HDB flat to rent out, you are probably free from worries right from Day 1. The next thing is to find a job and start saving money off the income. If you do not have this option, or any other significant source of passive income, then rental costs eating into your savings can be indeed a stressful situation. (Do consider BATA)

How about this for just $105 a week? It is only 1.5 hours drive to Melbourne City and comes with a really cool street name. Large driveway to park up to 12 BATAs, with 3 primary schools to choose from all in a quiet town of less than 7000 population of Newborough. The place has a higher than average proportion of aged residents and has a large artist and crafts partisans community that forms the vibrancy of the otherwise quiet but picturesque town. Since Singaporeans are naturally kiasi, that's a perfect place to start. If any of us can get robbed or pounded up by old people on walking sticks, we are better off staying in Singapore lah. The best of it all about this place - away from all the Singaporeans and the fucking OSU!

How about a cottage with 2 bed rooms and 1 bathroom by your own to start off your Melbourne adventure? Don't let the aged look of the house deceive you. From Slavery in Singapore to Slattery in Werribee, that ought to be a great upgrade! Most Singaporeans will advise you to steer clear of the West of Melbourne for 1001 reasons. However, do note that most, if not all of these folks have never lived there. When we were still in Singapore, we believe there is nowhere in the world safer than Singapore. We were educated to believe that Malaysia is a dangerous place. The last time I checked, the blogger who move to Malaysia [link] is still alive, unraped, unrobbed, unkilled. So don't be surprised at all to hear many pointing you to the East of Melbourne. It is the safest, cleanest and bestest place. After all they live there. 

This is making me excited all over again. I feel like the days before I moved to Perth, looking at the map and deciding where I want to live. If I were doing the same to Melbourne 4 years back, the first thing I would do is to avoid the areas marked in the black circle. Urban cities always grow outwards in a circle. Thus Melbourne is awfully lopsided in urban development in that sense. Thus anything in the east (no matter what they say) will be overvalued as compared to the west. A place like Clayton will cost more than a place like Werribee while they are almost the same distance to the City. As a new migrant, rental houses is just a transient stage of your early days here. It makes little sense not to Go West to save costs.

The last time I checked, Datuk Richard is well and kicking, sailing and eating around dangerous Malaysia. My maternal cousins and their families are still intact too, over the last 3 decades. It appears that staying safe is still possible against the overbearing odds in dangerous Malaysia. So you should have a great chance to live really well in Dangerous Werribee. Check out www.realestate.com.au to get a better grasp about housing costs.

These days when a Singaporean ask or tell me something, I often see the need to check for the definition of their terms before commenting - only if I am asked to do so, else I will prefer to keep my big mouth shut.

You see, over the years of blogging on asingaporeanson.blogspot.com, I have learnt to be specific. Too often, I have Singaporeans contacting asking generic questions such as, "How much many do I need to survive in Australia?"

These questions amuses me slightly. It wasn't because that addressing these questions have been done to death already and inquirers would have found the answers they wanted if they bothered to read. What irked me was the lack of common sense in asking such questions. If I were to ask Julian Mou whether I would be happy if I moved my family to Darwin, what do I expect her to say? "Yes, if you like artistic coffee?" I am certain she would not even entertain my retarded question. So how do people expect me to answer if they are able to "survive", "get by" or "live comfortably" in Perth? Perhaps I should quote 3-meals Vivian the next time round by returning this question, "Do you want three meals in a hawker centre, food court or restaurant?"

Believe me when I say I am not annoyed with these folks. I had so many people telling me they would blow their top if they were in my shoes. No, I didn't have the patience of a Buddha. The secret lies in the fact I had no obligation to answer anyone anything. Not even to people accusing me of glorifying Perth living and hiding the worms in the can. (but this time I'll come to you. Very soon, I promise.) So the idea is to shelf the questions that may frustrate a bit for a good day when double rainbows show up on my way back home. I'll then be able to reply an email with the right mentality. The most important thing - everyone was once a noob, including myself.

This does not take away the fact how difficult it is to answer a question meaningfully without wasting everybody's time. Read what our friend Faris Moktar (screenshot) said about the power outage in his neighbourhood. He called that scene completely dark. If I may be honest, after living in Perth for a few years, I can't sleep well under that "complete darkness" depicted in the picture anymore. If anyone felt sorry for Amos Yee being forced to sleep in a brightly lit room for a couple of weeks, then come give me a pat on my head whenever I return to Singapore. I won't hold it against anyone who don't understand what I'm talking about. I can't expect people who are more than willing to sacrifice good sleep for their illusion of safety to understand that.

What do Singaporeans really mean by "getting by" or "survive" then? I can guarantee you the difference can between the sky and earth by 2 different Singaporeans. Thus, there is a need to be specific and explain what we are after in clarity. The next time a Singaporean asks me to recommend a suburb where he or she can sleep safely at night, expect me to ask, "How many lumens per square metre of safety do you need?" 

Do you have any friends or contacts working in healthcare we could ask some basic questions to? Or even a recruitment firm you might have heard of.

Here are some high level details on my wife's education and experience. 

My wife has a Bachelors in Nursing, Post Grad Diploma in Nursing Education, Diploma and Advanced Diploma in Nursing.

1. She would like to understand what kind of career path in Nursing she can strive towards in Australia.

2. Salary and Hours

3. Will she get fast tracked processing for her Visa application?

4. Are hospitals in AU willing to sponsor and hire nurses before they get their PR? (I understand there is an additional step of being registered with the Nursing Board but just wondering if there is a scheme or process.)

5. My wife says some of her colleagues mentioned even local Aussie graduate nurses are not able to secure jobs but yet the occupation ceiling on the SOL for Nurses is about 13,000! Do you know if this is true?

These are some initial questions we have and will be grateful if you or or your contacts could help us with some pointers.

If you publish this on your blog, please leave out the details of my name and my wife's work experience. 

Many thanks and I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,

S

1. She would like to understand what kind of career path in Nursing she can strive towards in Australia.

I can't answer this question because I am not in the industry. So my understanding about this is as good as yours, with Google as our best bets. I will like to invite nurses working in Australia to come forward to answer this.

2. Salary and Hours

I know a few nurses in Perth but I have not tried asking them about their salaries. Not sure if I should. From our conversations, I can make a guess. We have to understand that the working hours depends largely on their specialization. Take MissyJo for example, her working hours are standard due to her specialization (ask her directly, in case she isn't comfortable in revealing). So she will probably report at work in the early morning and knock off before the sun sets, doing some overtime (1.5x pay) as and when required.

Our family friend Grace is in cardiac and is required to work shifts (morning, afternoon, night) in her hospital. Each shift is 8 hours but salary fluctuates to night shift penalties and overtime rates. Refer to this [link] and do an estimate.

3. Will she get fast tracked processing for her Visa application?

Likely.

4. Are hospitals in AU willing to sponsor and hire nurses before they get their PR? (I understand there is an additional step of being registered with the Nursing Board but just wondering if there is a scheme or process.)

Yes for a work visa if she aces an interview and is offered a job.

5. My wife says some of her colleagues mentioned even local Aussie graduate nurses are not able to secure jobs but yet the occupation ceiling on the SOL for Nurses is about 13,000! Do you know if this is true?

It is true. There are a few reasons cited. A lack (inadequate) of government healthcare funding or this. [link]  Migrations who are granted PRs through their nursing profession are considered experienced workers (or you wouldn't be eligible for PR in the first place), whereas fresh graduates are looking for entry level positions. In my view, they are not vying for the same positions. However, there is a general consensus that locals should be given the opportunities rather than overseas candidates (just like the situation in Singapore) but for some reasons this is not happening. (just like the situation in Singapore)

Hi Eunice,

Last Sunday, I cooked "economic noodles" for breakfast. Upon seeing the noodles served with fried eggs and thin pieces of luncheon meat, my daughter Albany started to wail. We started the morning very well with her smiling when she woke. She clung to me like a koala and gave me a few warm pecks on my cheeks while I carried her to the dining table for breakfast. I gave her a choice that morning between her usual breakfast of "muesli-cornflakes" as she would call it - and noodles. She picked her usual choice so I set her up to let her start eating on her own while I prepared the noodles for my wife (still sleeping) and myself.

When it was all done, the crying toddler had been scratching my head. Though she was adamant about not having noodles for breakfast earlier on, she had completely lost interest in her choice once I served myself noodles. By then the wife was awaken by the racket and told Albany she had to stick with her choice. If she wanted noodles bad enough, she would be given some only if she finished her bowl of cereal. Albany was wondering why the heck daddy cooked her favourite noodles for breakfast anyway? Wasn't that only for lunch or dinner?

"Daddy is homesick, Albany," her mother suggested, seemingly reading her mind. "We eat noodles for breakfast in Singapore."

Homesick? Perhaps. I wouldn't deny it but only partially. Other than family and friends, I am sick of the rest of "home."

Unfortunately, one lesson I learnt from my migration experience would be similar to yours. Mine, too, was a guilt ridden one. I told myself I would bring everyone over when I settle down. My beloved dog. I would say I loved him no less than any of my love interests in my life. He died within 6 months after I left him, still fit like a bull when I gave him my final pat. Throughout the days we spent time together, I always thought I would be there for him and he would die in my arms when his time was up. Yes, I felt selfish, extremely selfish, as I worked with tears trapped in my goggles that entire night when I was told about his death.

My mother. I could not even bring her over unless one of my siblings migrate to Australia to fulfill the >50% sibling rule. (I have 2 siblings) So bringing her over remains an impossible dream at the moment, until circumstances change in my favour. Being a mummy's boy, I miss her badly. My wife and her gets along very well. My mum also love Albany a lot and often lavish her praises about her during our phone calls. It will be perfect if I can get her to live with us here in Perth.

But you see, my perfect world may not be my mother's. No doubt, she will be delighted to live in Perth with us given a choice and she will enjoy Perth life, from the weather to the lifestyle but it will be silly to assume such an arrangement would be perfect for her. I would be taking her social life and her decades of familiarity with her environment away from her. That would be extremely selfish too. My mum seemed to understand the same thing. Deep down I know she would want nothing more than my family by her side in Singapore, yet  not once did she persuaded me to return. Her selflessness only deepened my guilt. On the other hand, if I were to return to Singapore by her wishes, she would be burdened by the similar guilt for she knew I would never be happy living there anymore.

I have no solution for this. Until I have anything better, my current plan is, in the scenario where one of my parent pass away, I will bring the other over to stay with me for a few months each time, until he or she is bored with boring Perth. Then bringing the parent over for the next long stay when he or

she misses us badly again. And repeat. That way, they will enjoy the best of both worlds. To alleviate the pains of depriving grandparents to their grandchildren, the only way to be make regular trips back. That has been the reason why I have no real "leave" for leisure as all AL has been spent in Singapore for this purpose. A holiday trip elsewhere is not possible at the moment. Whenever possible, I also get them to come for long stays. That is the best work around I can think of for now.

Though I have no viable solution for you, I would like to leave you a few notes to ponder over.

Prior to my migration to Australia, the NS BMT confinement period was probably the longest time I had been away from my mother. During those days, I noticed a stark difference about my phonecalls to mum. Before that, I couldn't wait for the phonecalls to end. During the confinement, I wished the phonecalls wouldn't end. We talked like it was the first conversation between us and for the first time in our lives, our mother-and-son relationship became a friendship. When I began working in Singapore, I could count with my hand how many sentences I spoke to mum in a week. This calls for a reflection. For Singaporeans who moved out of their maternal house after marriage, how often do we talk to our parents? My bet is, on the average, hardly.

On the other hand, perhaps to address my endless guilt, I call my mum almost every day after work during my drives back home. I daresay the conversations we had in a month would be more than those we would have in Singapore for an entire year. 

That makes me wonder for a long time.

When it is time for my own children to leave my side (inevitably), what scenario would I prefer? Would I forgive my children from moving far away from me? Would I choose their happiness over mine? Would I prefer to have them by my side (living in the same state), seeing them once in a while, phonecalls near non-existent? I wonder what will be your answers to these?

There is something you need to know about the Australian people. Their coffee drinking culture. The point that drives the message across cannot be better put by citing Starbucks' failure to break into the Australia market. Since Starbucks entered Australia 14 years ago, they have reported a loss of $143 million. That is $10 million bucks blew away every year with spare change to buy you a several brand new Mercs. To rub the salt in, Starbucks actually opened up the lifestyle coffee drinking market. However, Aussies are so passionate about coffee drinking that their small independent cafes, at least 6500 of them across Australia, beat the global giant leaving it with just 22 joints in Australia today. To put things into perspective, Starbucks have 11,500 stores across the US alone, 1396 stores in Canada and 1219 stores in China.

That's amazing. If you still can't see it, just imagine Singaporeans starting their own individual burger joints after McDonald's enter the Singapore market and do beat the hell out of them and cause year on year losses to McDonald's until their store counts reduces to a tiny fraction of their peak. That will be a day when Singaporeans can stand up proudly and tell the world, "Don't fuck around with us, we make the best burgers." Unfortunately, that's not going to happen. The saddest part is that this is not going to be limited to burgers but every aspect of life worth standing up for, at the least for the fun of it. So you can say all you want about the Aussies but they can stand up to your Ya kuns anytime and win the day.

That being said, I'm no coffee drinker. I have always been a tea guy all my life. However I made myself a cup of bland tasteless coffee while writing this in hope to get a better feel of something I have absolutely no idea about. My apologies for a needlessly long prelude. I have to make it very clear. Although I always call Julian Mou, "Chiobu kopimaid," it is my term of endearment that many Singaporeans will mistaken as a demeaning one. You see, that is how most Singaporeans view the profession in Singapore - a low class "blue collar" job. A stark difference over here. The Aussies are proud of their coffee and hold their barista in high regard. Now that the differences have been clearly established, I would like to introduce a Singaporean girl named Julian Mou - the Barista of the North.

I have not met Julian in person. How we knew each other online have became fuzzy in my memory. After observing so many Singaporeans all over Australia seems to know Julian, it doesn't seem a surprise to me that I came to know her, despite that fact I can't seem to remember how and when. Having spent so many years in Australia, Julian may have already renounced her Singapore citizenship by now but let's not get so technical today. She is after all, a born and bred Singapore daughter. The reason why I never forgot Julian was that she seemed to emit a aura of spunk. Even though I have never met her in person or speak to her over a phone call, I can feel it by just reading her texts alone. She may be a completely different person to the image in my mind but I am confident that I will not be too far off the mark. Lately she affirmed it by flying solo, running her own little cafe by herself in the edge of the city of Darwin - just like what I thought a person like her will eventually do.

Satki Yoda urged me to write about Julian's start up to "boost her business," and I told him it was pointless due to a few reasons. Firstly, "no one" reads this blog. What I mean is that the figures are insignificant in terms of achieving an effective advertorial attempt. Secondly, what are the odds that someone reading this passes by Darwin for a holiday or business trip and have time for a cup of freshly brewed goodness? The purpose of this post, instead, is to point out the Singapore environment is what that limits Singaporeans and not ourselves or our nationality. Once the wings are spread, we have Stephen the brick layer, Thomas the photographer, Julian the barista, Shawn the automobile mechanic and so on. All of the above are happy with what their professions. Meanwhile, how many Singaporeans among your friends are working in a profession outside the usual handful such as the engineer, accountant, manager or executive (of some sort), lawyer, doctor, banker and administrator, and feel happy - and proud - of their jobs? Among my friends, I can only single out Larry the make up God(dess). The rest are pretty much dragging themselves to work. Lately Lucius' dad, Mr Lexis Ow finally showed his finger to his cushy IT Engineer job in Singapore and strike out on his own and started go photography full time. [please support cos he is fucking good] Needless to say, that is a move probably more frowned upon than applauded behind his back but I am a moral supporter and I hereby salute Lexis for having the courage to pursue his passion and wish his family (they are all in it, united as one) all the best.

Back to Julian. She is not your ordinary kopimaid. She is damn good. How dare I make this audacious claim, since I haven't even met her, much less taste her coffee? Well just not too long ago, she took part in a barista competition that saw 14 teams coming from all over the world to compete on stage, to produce quality, well presented coffee at double quick time under high pressure. You don't get there if you are mediocre. 

And I can't even make a cup of decent coffee to save my life. We read about outstanding Singaporeans all the time but it feels entirely different once one is someone that you know. Though I have never told Julian personally, I admire her passion towards her trade. She is probably going to be the only Singaporean barista I will know here.


I wonder if we can still find young Singaporeans doing this in Singapore in the future, just like how the Aussies do it with a passion. If not, how do we justify our complains when the others do a serve shitty coffee to us? That applies to other trades as well. Hawker food, welding, tailoring, whatever...

If anyone of you pass by Darwin, please say "hi" to her for me. Her little cafe is at 1/2 Harriet Pl, Darwin NT 0800, just off the edge of the inlet to the port. Order a cuppa and tell me your experience. 

If I ever make the extremely unlikely trip to Darwin one day, I'll definitely drop by Harriet ExPresso Bar to order a special dose of 黯然消魂咖啡

#chiobukopimaidcafe

I am a Singaporean who chanced upon your migration blog. 

I am a student who just graduated this month in an Australian University and would like to apply australia PR. 

I have a question, do you know whether aus uni transcripts have to change our name order (e.g. from 'Ah Lian Tan' to 'Tan Ah Lian') to use it to support our PR application? Or which order is recommended? As we all know Singaporeans' family name comes before our given name, and is that way in our passports. Technically, I have less than 3 days to change the name order. =S please help many thanks!

Kind regards,

Amelia Tan

Congrats on your graduation.

The order does not matter, as long as the family and given name is specified accurately in your transcripts. If you are using just a typical Singaporean dialect name they'll fuck it all up anyway, no matter which order you put it down as. With "Tan Ah Lian" you'll find yourself being formally addressed as Ms Lian soon enough. With "Ah Lian, Tan", future letters you receive will start with "Dear Ah", as they will assume "Lian" is your middle name instead of part of your first name.

Nonetheless, it'll all work out in the end. The naming order on your transcripts will not affect your PR application. If you wan to be consistent, put it down in the same order of your passport to minimize confusion.

As you can see in your visa application form (left), the family and given names are clearly segregated. The case officer will simply match it with your passport and figure it out eventually. The order of your name will not be an issue, as compared to ... say... an additional undocumented English name such as Amelia. (I'm assuming it's not in your passport)

In the unlikely case where you are questioned about the reverse order of your name, simply explain that we put our family name in front where we came from.

One odd thing about blogging here was that it leads me to meet a trickle of  new people once in a while. The latest one would be Encik G. He is probably the same age as me or younger so it may be inappropriate to call him that. That nickname was given by Yoda, who linked Encik G up with me. Encik G is no blog reader of mine. He has better ways to spend his free time.

Since Mr Stephen invited Thusara's and my family for lunch at his house, I requested to bring along Encik G, who happened to in Perth for a short work stint. The Thngs said, "OK!" So I picked him up in the city and headed south. Along the way, I found out more about the job scope of Encik G as a dietitian. Most wouldn't be wrong to equate a dietitian to a nutritionist, only that a dietitian is a level higher being dietetics qualified unlike that counterparts. After the hellos exchange, we had lunch at Stephen and Joni's alfresco, as it was a pretty fine winter afternoon out there. The meal was good as usual but soon our attention was turned to Encik G.

Encik G was happy to tell his audience about life in Darwin. For a start, I quote his memorable opener of a Darwinian saying, "If you need to buy mangoes in Darwin, you have no friends." That told us two things. The weather in Darwin is tropical and the people are nice. I have no doubt that people get along better in Darwin. My logic is very simple. The higher the density of a settlement, the least friendly are the dwellers towards one another. It is common sense really. If you live in a region where you nearest neighbour is 3km away, you can bet that you'll be really glad whenever you see him. In a grossly overpopulated place such as Singapore, you often wish some of the people among the perpetual crowds wherever you go will just die. Hmm, ok maybe not you but me. With just 146,245 (wiki 2014) people living in metropolitian Darwin, it sounds like the next best place to head to when Perth starts spilling out. Among all the capital cities in Australia, Darwin will be the 2nd after Tasmania as the city I would like to visit. A short tour to Darwin remains a luxury for me at the moment but it will certainly happen when circumstances change.

Though Darwin has such a small population, there is actually a small Singaporean community there. To date, other than Encik G, I know Yoda Tan and Chiobu Kopimaid, though I have no recollection how I got to know the latter pair. These are a rather young bunch. According to Encik G, due to the transient nature, the population in Darwin remains rather young. Despite that, the city is growing gradually.

Singaporeans often write to me and tell me they are heading to the eastern states. If you ask me today, I'll head north if I worry about whether I can find a job. A growing city with a small population will always face labour shortage. While it may not be easy to find your ideal job (just like anywhere else), there should be enough casual jobs to go around for anyone with a pair of diligent hands. At the very least, you'll survive on mangoes. That is, if you have friends.

As a Singaporean son, I've heard of the term, "NS liability" too many times. So hearing a PAP MP call the serving of NS as a privilege is gold. I guess that was a case of positive thinking indoctrination gone wrong. Unlike general anesthesia, this sort of thing is supposed to wane after the deed is done. Some effects of the brainwashing are expected to linger, except for overdose cases such as Dr Lim (left) - which is quite a common occurrence as a matter of fact.

Other than NS indoctrination, don't forget the consumerism we are subjected to since we were little kids. With these mind molding instruments constantly influencing our perceptions, many of us grow up without the ability to differentiate between a want and a need or a privilege and an entitlement.

It isn't that I am picking on Dr Lim Wee Kiak. Most Singaporeans are just the same. It just happens that I have a screenshot to use as an example. Considering Dr Lim's infamous statement about why Singapore Ministers should be paid millions....

We are talking about how the new generation of young Singaporeans these days having that innate sense of entitlement which probably partially explains their bratty behaviors. Parents often find establishing between a privilege and an entitlement near impossible. You can imagine the same trying to explain to a Singapore Minister about how his coveted million-dollar position is a rare privilege. For a start, the opportunity to serve the public is still regarded by many to be an honour. The generous remuneration, being supposedly the icing on the cake, seems to be taken as an entitlement by most if not all our Ministers today.

Many Singaporeans I meet in Perth have the same mentality. They feel that they deserve to command a certain range of salary, to live in a certain class of housing and to drive a certain class of cars. Anything beneath their definitions are unacceptable and they will go all out to justify their wants, claiming those as their basic needs without blinking. I don't think the majority of Singaporeans have the right to point their fingers at their Ministers. Many of us will be behaving in the same sick bratty manner as our Ministers in their positions. 

One example of Singaporeans in Perth is the purchasing of cars. While I can empathize with long suffering Singaporean souls who have have to endure the insanity of paying six figures on a car, it is unacceptable to behave like a sex starved virgin seeing a naked woman for the first time when they are introduced to the car market here. I've heard something as ridiculous as being able to buy a brand new car for $30,000 is a privilege so it has to be utilized or they will not be doing themselves justice. To me, that statement does not make any sense at all because having the option to buy a $2,000 car in Australia must be a privilege as well, since such an option is not and will never be available to anyone in Singapore. As usual, it's the prideful Singaporean's trying to charade his sense of entitlement as a redemption of privilege.

Voting someone like Dignity Lim, who equated conscription as a privilege, into Parliament speaks volume about the Singapore electorate. Every time I read someone whining about uncaring elites in their ivory towers, or attempting a "they" and "us" divide, I can't help but laugh. We are all the same. They are us, with more privileges, constantly attempting to convince everyone that they are entitled to what they were given.

In 2 months' time, I will be in Perth for 4 years. In 3 months' time I will be a father for the second time. If anyone told me this will happen to me 5 years ago, on my way to work in an orange cabin of the MRT train, I would have laughed so loud until passengers at the other orange cabin could hear me.

Though life has became routine, very often I will notice that most of these have not sunk in. There are times when I wake from a nap and wonder where I am for a moment, hearing unfamiliar sounds to those deeply entrenched in the deepest crevice of my mind. I found myself experiencing bouts of fear of waking up from a dream to my previous Singapore life. Almost 4 years on, it still feel surreal, despite the mundane life I am having by my 4th year. My life has been blissful and my contentment naturally bring forth happiness. Yet I have been warning myself never to take anything for granted anymore. For if I establish a sense of entitlement, anything taken away from me later will serve to pierce the contentment bubble.

For sure there will be bad times. Bad economy, falling AUD or even losing employment. Anything can happen. Nothing is guaranteed. I've posed several Singaporeans a hypothetical scenario where (when) Australia falls into bad form, what will they do? A few of them told me they would consider returning to Singapore without hesitation.

I wouldn't.

For I no longer live for myself. I've seen how tremendously my wife and daughter enjoy their Perth life. Every time I picked Albany from childcare, I would ask her the same question in the car, "Albany, do you like Singapore or Perth?" Her reply never wavered once. 

I am ready to sacrifice my lifestyle if the time calls for it. That is why I still blog. I constantly remind myself of how I lived in Singapore. Lest I forget. So that I will be able to take a huge amount of concessions in my lifestyle if I need to. Work 10 hours? No problem. 12 hours? Easy, I've done it before. 16 hours a day for weeks? Nothing I've never gone through before.

The following question to the same Singaporeans who told me they would consider a move back to Singapore when the going gets tough was, "What will you do when you go back?" Seconds of uneasy silences followed. Truth to be told, how bad can it be at worst? Obviously, I've yet to see it but deep down I know I'm tough enough to deal with it.