A Singaporean In Australia

Summer

11 December 2013, 1200 hrs

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen,

The moment you have been anticipating all year is finally here. Sorry I took so long. If you come to this website regularly for no reason, you would have notice for the past Decembers, the grouchy asingaporeanson didn't put up much updates. If any, much would be incoherent (more than usual) ramblings that were meaningless to your lives. Ignore that miserable sod, whom I buried under er.. somewhere you are not interested in. For today, for the rest of the week in fact, I will be in charge. And you, will be delighted to have me showering you with my blazing grins, touted to have evaporated many hearts of females.

Unfortunately, much as you wanted me, I cannot spare you all my time in Perth this year. I have to visit other friends such as Uncle in Sydney and the Neurotics in Melbourne. All in a good time. All in a good time. While you are enjoying my honoured presence, don't mind my servants. They have to be wherever I am, so as to make each and every of my grand entrances inch perfect, the way you love and feel grateful for. Your plants will be your sacrificial gifts to me. Do not risk a hefty water bill to resist.

For those who are new to me, I bring hope, joy and mornings where you can sleep late. I provide long evening walks and late night movies with my Everlasting Rays Transmitter 2.5. I am your kids' best friend and women love to spend 4-7 hours at the beach laying out admiring their manicure while I baked their delicious bodies to their desired tone. I'll fill up terabytes if I have to list all my testimonials but you get the idea, everyone loves me.

Except asingaporeanson, the miserable sod. No one will remember him while I am here. I am all you need.