A Singaporean In Australia

The death penalty keeps us safe. [link] It deters residents from committing violent crimes [link]. We heard that before. It doesn't work. People still die from murder and illegal drugs still come our way. You can argue till the cows come home but you can't deny a fact, criminals who commit death penalty offence are not afraid to die. Drugs traffickers are not afraid to die. They know very well what was awaiting them if they screw up. Murderers are not afraid to die. They are more afraid that their murder targets survive. They want their targets to die and are well prepared face the noose if caught.

Mind you, death penalty works. It just doesn't work on the these criminals. If we slap the death penalty on say, bankers who launder drug money, you will see the number of drug crimes drop like lead. While we are at it, we should extend the death penalty to criminals who sell out our country, misuse retirement funds and seize national assets. Execution should not merely be done publicly at Raffles Place, it should always be shown 'live' on the internet, after a brief introduction of the criminal and his or her crime/s plus a 'live' telecast of his or her last words to the audience. We can even consider extending it to CEOs of train operators and watch broken down trains miraculously self repair and run like clockwork. With Singapore's scant regard for life and obsession with economic growth, let's not pretend that an under-performing politician's life is worth more than a drug trafficker where the former easily hurt the country more with his mistakes or crimes.

There are a lot of Singaporeans fighting against the death penalty. How naive. Where are we going to house all our criminals on life sentence if we abolish the death penalty? By building extensions in Changi Prison the manner we building new Terminals at Changi Airport? We are talking about a country who is considering exporting our elderly to the North and you are expecting them to make space for criminals? Face it, no extra spaces will be set aside to house these folks. Death is the way to go.

When I say public execution, I don't mean the conventional hanging. That is way too soft. We've got to send the right message across. With our proud Eastern values, I say we bring back

Drowning by the Pig Cage

Forget about the traditional pig cages. We have to move on with the times. The builders of DBSS Pasir Ris One seems to be experts in crafting cages so they should be invited to tender for the props required to perform our execution by drowning.

No doubt, Hua Tiong and Moh Seng will be the forerunners in competing for cranes contracts. Companies specialising in underwater filming will also get a slice of the economic pie. Sponsors are allowed. Advertising space on cages will be available. We are creating more jobs than NTUC by reforming execution.

Crucifying

Let's bring back this ancient form of capital punishment that Christians in Singapore should appreciate. However, let's not do it the conventional way. Like Minister Tharman said, Singapore has to take reference from the others and improve methodologies ourselves to make it even better. We should fix the cross on the Reverse Bungee at Clarke Quay and set it off after the crucification process. That'll be something. That will boost tourism more than the bull fights in Spain does, I tell ya. Let me guarantee you, you will not even see defects in HDB flats anymore after this. It will surely bring forth a few hushed giggles to hear a criminal saying, "I died for your sins," as his last words.

Beheading

That's my personal favourite by far. Sticking to our great Eastern values, we have to bring back beheading. Not the ISIS style of course, the Justice Bao style. We will have 3 types of guillotines, one for commoners, one for government officials and the last for royalties. Lovely. Let's not forget the economic value of this form of capital punishment. Beheading shall be held on top of the Vortex Well of Marina Bay Sands. The MBS shall collect bets from the public to predict which segment at the basement of the well the head will land onto after the severed head roll down the vortex. Being a national of gamblers, that will raise TV ratings exponentially!

Burning on a stake

The firing squad

With so many "bobo shooters" in the SAF, criminals on the death row will finally be of some use. No doubt it will be traumatizing for the criminal having to experience the possibility of many rounds of re-shoot, the deed will be eventually completed in due course, since confinement on Saturday is guaranteed if the misfiring squad fails to gun him down before sunset.

Folks who mock at the SAF can no longer say our soldiers are paper soldiers because now we KILL live targets on everyday basis. Our neighbours will no longer fuck with us, offer century long peace treaties and we will be able to slash our defence budget by half, enough to feed all the Singaporean poor 3 meals a days in any restaurants they want.