A Singaporean In Australia

We have spares rooms in the house.

Should we?

I know most people will cringe with the idea of strangers coming in living with them for a few days. I know because I was one of them, especially I haven't been someone who is particularly comfortable in meeting new people. The prospects of being in the hospitality field seem doubly daunting for someone like me. 

But hey, things can change right? I don't believe I am the same person 5 years ago. Neither are you. Some of us get better with time, some worse. It is hard to discern that, especially so if we are our own judges because we can be incredibly bias in our position. The easier way, I guess, is to remind ourselves to be a better version of ourselves yesterday. Logically, in the long run, we should improve. Difficult - but try lah. Ok no try. Just fucking do it ok?

So yes. Let's do Airbnb.

First, I am not entirely sure but at the back of my mind I remember reading somewhere it isn't legal to host guests via Airbnb in our HDB flats back in Singapore. Oh, why does that not surprise me, or anyone at all? Should I talk about that one day? It all depends on you I guess. No demand, no supply. For today I'll stick to topic. Since we took the trouble to go overseas to experience a different lifestyle, let's do something that is illegal in Singapore lah. Just for the lolz at least.

The reason why I have been stuck in the initiative for so long was because I was weak in concepts. Thus I have no idea how to convert our room into a guest-worthy room for that purpose. Fortunately wife is pretty good in it. So she bought the stuff and I contributed what I was good at - installing the stuff and getting everything in order. I also clean the bath and toilets. That's something I don't see many Singaporeans agreeing with me as a everyday menial task. For the idea of cleaning after strangers simply couldn't get past most of you out there. You know, after living long enough, I come to realise shit is shit who matter whose is it.

Why bother doing Airbnb? Why not just rent the room out long term? At least all cleaning will be done by the tenant until he/she leaves, wouldn't that be a better arrangement? That was one question I have yet figure out a convincing answer to. If I ever do, I'll share it with you.

So which of you are interested in lodgings when you come to Perth for a holiday? I can give you a discount you know. Perhaps a free plate of Char Kuay Teow too, if I don't find you too annoying.

Back after 2 years and the first post is about planting a tree?

Why the fucking not?

Listen - when is the last time you planted a tree? Ha! Gotcha didn't I?  You ain't planted no tree, you commoner. We all know only important Singaporeans get to plant trees while a crowd looks on, clapping with their strong arms they developed carrying balls. 

In other parts of Singapore, folks plant trees unseen, unknown except for the barking supervisor, if he isn't hiding in a nearby kopitiam. These folks aren't Singaporean, they don't wear white and don't attract the same appreciation from the muscular clapping crowd despite planting 30 trees that day. Ah, I feel like one of these folks yesterday when I planted my tree outside my humble abode. My balls are heavy too. Where are the ball carrying clapping crowd? Not a single soul in sight, except for the odd well maintained Aussie lady jogging past now and then. 

Ah well, never mind. I planted my Mulberry tree, water it, surround it with some bricks temporarily and cover it the base of the tree with clay stones (not shown in pic) to minimise weeds for now. I am mighty pleased that this has finally been done. Things around the place has been neglected for 2 years, just like this blog. So stuff gotta get done again, after the delays. So sorry to everything that look spider-webby. 

There used to be a tree in the place of my newly planted Mulberry tree. It was a badly taken care Frangipani tree that decided to shredded its leaves during cold weather. That folly eventually brought it to its demise because the 6ish year old son of a guest jumped on it and broke it.

Why? I have no fucking clue. You tell me.

I was told later that the boy mistaken the bare stump as a sundial. 

Hmm, ok. I can understand why people like to jump on sundials. I like doing that too. In fact, when I was young I hoped to be a professional sundial jumper when I grow up. That didn't happen to me and I wish the little boy all the best. I hope he doesn't jump on that sundial in the Botanic Garden in Singapore. That is a tough one. Though the nearest hospital is within walking distance, it wouldn't be the wisest thing to do.

Now we got the serious things down, let's talk get light hearted and let me talk about why I chose a Mulberry tree.

First reason, my mother-in-law propagated that cutting so if I don't plant it and eventually get it killed like other plants she gave me, untold horrors may happen to me. Second, we can't buy mulberries in shops. Reason being, they are one of the most fragile fruits you'll ever get out there. Their shelf life is non-existing, even as compared to similar fruits like raspberries or blueberries. Therefore I opted for this tree as opposed to the more popular choice of trees I saw other big ball Singaporeans in Perth plant in their backyard. Such as lemon. Ah, when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade right? In reality, when life gives you lemons, you share them with friends. Their lemons end up in my kitchen. 

Year 1 is a year of planning and observation. I should also look out for frost during Winter. Since there is no real need for development on certain areas of the property, it may be a good idea to rent out portions of the property in the meantime. The real estate agent gave me a "very conservative" estimation of the rates to expect.

1) House alone without paddock - $400 per week

Even in such a terrible rental market (for landlords), $400 per week for this house is an absolute steal. I have no doubt there will be takers at this price. 

2) House + lower block to the river - $450 to $500 per week

3) Front horse land only - $100 to $150 per week.

Therefore potentially, I could rent out the entire place I am not working on for $550 to $650 a week. That gives about $31k for a year. We don't need to be a financial genius to know for a property that cost about 2 million bucks, that is a miserable yield. However shitty that yield is, it is still higher than fixed deposit in Singapore banks and I get to feel sibei song. At least some 30 grand will be able to cover the operating cost of the land, maintain the place and even add a bit of value with it. Having said that, it may take a century to get a full ROI at this rate, unless the land appreciates in value with another (unlikely) boom in WA in future. Who knows?

So we cannot say this is the worst investment in the world. Well, you can argue it will be very hard to liquid this purchase, as compared to Singapore banks fixed D. However, the weakness of such an investment is also its strength. One can create liquidity with the land. 

But how? 

That is where the average minds do not dare to venture. Unfortunately mine is one of them. That is why I am doing this exercise. To mock at myself and learn. There must be some form of ideas that can give higher yield of the land that can be implemented from the beginning of Year 2. I have yet to come to it, sadly. This post is still about Year 1.

Well there you have it.... let's talk about the land a little more. The flood plain boundary on the right looks scary but it isn't really that bad. It's just normal land when you walk through the site. The boundary is set by the water department to demarcate where they think a flood will happen on the worst case scenario. Thus, they will not encourage major structures to be built within the boundary. Land owners are free to build simple structures such as gazebos or sheds, conduct any activities or grow crops on it. During the "1 in 100 years" flood last Summer, the water came into the dotted area I marked (4) on the top right hand corner. For a flash flood of that shock level, it didn't affect this land that badly. Further up, the contours increased to 5m above river level and rising quickly to 8.5m. It'll take a massive volume of water to reach that level. Still, you'll never know. KL-J said ice caps are melting elsewhere. Hmm... seriously, then he should be looking for a land on the hills with a waterfall, not a land abutting a river lah!

The first thing that a construction manager does is to establish an access route. There is more than enough time during the first year of observation to identify the most ideal access routes. During the last few months before the end of Year 1, access routes to the fields have to be opened. On the first glance, the current one to the warehouse is illogical and will not serve any commercial purpose properly. So 2 new entrances to the warehouse have to be made. One in front and one at the back. The terrain leading out from both new entrances are not ideal and have to be cut and filled for to get the gradient more gradual. It is not a big scale earthwork project and should be easily funded from the rental of the property.

By the end of Year 1, Horse Around has to be ready or almost ready to start. The stable makes it a natural setting for the theme. However, the menu remains a problem. I have no problems designing a menu. Imagine I called one item on our school canteen menu "Chocobo Egg" The students (seemed to) love it and the item was sold out each time it featured on a certain day of the week. I draw my inspiration from Billy Bombers, which amused me when I dined there for the first time. I ordered "B-52" for the name rather than the food. So it is easy enough for me (and probably anyone else) to come out with names for a stable themed cafe. Such as, (description are not actual menu descriptions but to explain to noobs like you)

Entre

Pegasus Wings - same as Buffalo wings but I refuse to call that, that.

Haystack - Vegetable salad

I can eat a Horse! - Jumbo size platter, consisting of fried junk food.

etc

Mains

Trojan Horse - Cheese and bacon stuffed chicken, shaped like body of a horse with nuggets and potato sticks as head and limbs held together with Pocky Sticks. Cheese oozes out from body when you make an incision. I wish I can make soldiers dashing out to give diner a good smacking but don't ask for too much ok. Otherwise, fucking kick ass meal.

Dark Horse - Scotch egg (pork) on baked rice. Wish I can try that with a salted egg but I don't want to kill somebody.

Lead a Horse to water - Fish 'N Chips

One Trick Pony - Spaghetti Bolognaise, MY version

My Kingdom for a Horse - Mushrooms in cheese sauce on a panfried chicken chop with an intricate thin crust.

On the High Horse - Grilled Braised Pork Trotters with spiced peanuts

etc.

Deserts

Crack of the Whip - Rich whipped chocolate mousse

Two Horse Race - Double banana split

Unicorn Horn - Rainbow coloured jelly in v-shaped glass with evaporated milk on top

Hold your Horse! - Double scoop ice cream on cone

etc. etc. Too tired to think of a complete list. To buy a full version of menu .... please pay $57.


I have no freaking idea how to draw a crowd in. I can add items on menu and set up a decent SOP for the entire running of the place. The basic set up requires 3 staff to run optimally. 2 staff if business is still quiet. I can train them and even help out but I cannot be full time involved at this stage. Business better be good enough to pay their salary with access for profit. I wish I know how to make this work.

The ladies at home complained of "scratching sounds" in the roof. So I had to enter the roof to do an investigation. Seriously, I did not relish a battle with a Rat King at my current age. My HP was also not as high as before and falling through the ceiling board as a quick exit wasn't exactly my idea of fun during my weekend. My ladder wasn't even high enough. So I had to put my ladder on top Albany's kids table to get high enough. Her table and chairs set was one of the best things I picked up from someone for free. They were sturdy, stable and built to last for a lifetime.

So I got up there with some Ratsak, bought from the robbers called Bunnings. It was hot, even in the cool Autumn afternoon. I was stuck at the manhole for ages, wondering how the heck I should move. I guess there was where all those obstacle courses I used to do very well when I was a young child were finally paying off. Those bookworms would be falling through the boards if they attempted this, haha! I could imagine the scenes. There were large conduits everywhere to block my moves and rockwool insulation to mask timber beams that I could put my weight on. The low truss also didn't help. Though I'm not exactly very tall, I am no shortie either. 

At times, I had to crawl through tight areas, groaning when rockwool rubbed against my skin because overexposure to these could cause a bad case of itchiness. I could hear the household from the top. Albany's exciting voice and the ladies chatting happily, cleanly forgetting I ever existed, as I struggled to get around the place.

No signs of rats. No droppings or any signs of life of warm blooded animals. I wasn't too sure if I really wanted to find some rats there. I placed some of the poison baits at spots where the ladies thought they heard scratching sounds. I would have to return to check the baits to know for sure.

The baits were supposed to attract the rodents to consume and they would die without a week. Sometimes, they would leave the house in search of water because it was supposed to make them feel thirsty and hot. So there was a good chance they would die out of the property.

Over the next few days, they did not hear any scratching sounds anymore. I wasn't too sure if the baiting works or there were rats on the roof to begin with. I guess the only way to find out was to make another climb and investigate.....

Like I mentioned earlier, I felt like being locked out in a losing Solitaire or Freecell game. Something had to go if I were to make any further progress. My bicycles would be moving to the new factory eventually, perhaps as a good aid slow walking folks to their toilet breaks. Until then they would be taking up precious space I couldn't afford in the garage. So I decided to move everything to one side of the wall. That was the only way I could begin work properly on the empty side.

I packed the rack that Patrick generously gifted me as much as I could, doing a better job than the Missus, of course. When my tasks are through one day, I'll have to run through the boxes of stuff one by one and see what can be eliminated from the household. I am not the slightest convinced we need that amount of things in the garage to run the household.

After one side of the wall was cleared, I made a visit to the hardware store only to find the high prices were not on my side.

That is what happens when you give a large corporate a monopoly of the market. Crappy prices for crappy goods. I find prices of many items in Bunnings exorbitant. Sure, I agree that there are goods available at great prices but if you know the hardware market well enough, you will be able to identify much more at cut throat prices easily. Fixtures and fasteners, for example, are some to begin with. They are being sold at a ridiculous margin in Bunnings. If I were to go with their recommendations, I would be spending hundreds of dollars to shelf the garage. Even a crappy fucking hook cost a few dollars. Fuck them.

So I decided to go the Pissed Poor Peasant way. For example, to hold my ladders, all I needed was 2 screws on wall plugs. For less than $0.50 (I didn't even have to buy the screws), I could hold my ladder plus my full weight climbing the ladder on that wall. (Yes, I bloody did that) Try doing that with your crappy overpriced hooks. The shape of the countersunk screws also held the edge of the ladder very tightly. These wouldn't fall even if an earthquake hits. See how the ladders look on the wall. What should I do with expensive hooks in a blood sucking hardware giant? Screw them.

Next, I spent loads of time walking up and down the aisles of Bunnings looking for a cheap solution to create shelving. No, there was no chance in hell I would be paying those money for ridiculous gimmicks. Bolt-less adjustable shelves for a hundred bucks? Hey - how often do you adjust your racks? I don't think most people even do that once in 5 years. Do I care if it was bolt-less or not? You think I cannot tighten a bolt? If they sell me a self-cleaning rack for a hundred bucks, perhaps I'll throw my money at them but not before that.

Tracks for shelves brackets, as shown earlier, was selling at exorbitant prices. A minimum of 2 tracks would cost me $25. A pair of brackets at $6. If I were to make a 3 level shelf, the total sum would be $43 and that was not inclusive of the actual shelf (wood) yet. I looked through every available solution but none of them were low costs. In the end, I sighed and decided carpentry would have to be the solution. The problem was, working in wood was the last thing I wanted to do. I preferred metal obviously, due to my experience with it.

Anyway, beggars cannot be choosers. I bought my cheapo MDR wood material for a total of $21. It consisted of 2 x 115mm x 2700mm and 1 x 60mm x 2600mm. I figured that was enough for now. I visited the "Cut Shop" in Bunnings. They told me the first 3 cuts (since I bought 3 items) were free of charge and subsequent cuts would cost me $0.50 each.

"Ok, do it," I said.

So the chap did it. After the cuts, I realised that they were cut 1mm more than what I required. Every single fucking piece.

I walked to the self-checkout counters, paid for my materials and walked out. $0.50 for each cut? No way I was going to pay for that.

I didn't even want to use fixtures to hold my shelves up. I used leftover tubes of construction glue left over from my laminate flooring job a year ago. The next day, the glue seemed cured so I put my heaviest tool box (above) on one shelf for a load test. The last time I checked (yesterday, after 1 week), the shelf was still holding out fine. So I know my other lighter stuff will give the shelves absolutely no problem. So basically, I spent $21 to create these spaces. I already find it too expensive. I should have picked up unwanted timber in nearly construction sites to do this shit. Unfortunately, I couldn't being them to Bunnings for some clean, inaccurate cuts.

So this is why I didn't report to work at the usual time and better get my ass going soon. It's going to be a busy week at work. The call did not take more than 1 minute and it wasn't a "face-to-face" Skype call. Only the official at work was looking at my lao jiao bin, I didn't get to see her - not that it mattered. I just want to get the terminology correct. It was a laojiao bin-to-computer screen verification.

Fortunately, my lanjiao bin matches my application photograph. Therefore the executive announced that I passed! It did not take more than 1 minute. Guess having a lanjiao bin speeds things up.


The next step to do is to mail my passport to Canberra and get it mailed right back together with the new passport. It's like those chaps going to Vietnam to get a bride back - going to burn a hole in my pissed poor pocket like them. If a bird doesn't steal my mail, I should be expecting my passport this month and I will fly back to SG to visit my loved ones and the rest of you fuckers.

To maintain my Singaporean traits, I dropped her an email to confirm the verification has been done and the actions I will be undertaking shortly. Just in case. You never know... because even in Australia, pratas are available and can certainly be flipped.

This post will make no sense to anyone. It is not meant to be for anyone, just a brain exercise for me. 

Initially I wanted to share the house I had the privilege to access and assess the day before. As a pissed poor peasant, it isn't an everyday thing I get to view a property asking for 2 million bucks. It had a beautifully built double storey house. I call that a character house and I doubt anyone who see it will disagree. It was the kind of house you'll either love it or hate it. If you belong to the latter, it will make no sense to buy it and do a major interior renovation. What a shame it will be.

Anyway, I changed my mind about posting the lovely features of the properties as well as the drawbacks that I saw. It is pointless and doesn't do much good. Instead, I'll take this opportunity to exercise my brain and come out with a 5 year plan for this land if I bought this land. That is a big IF but I believe strongly opportunities come to those who are ready. If I do not make my brain work and start learning and improving, I will never be ready for any opportunity. I don't care if I can afford this land or not. Eventually one day I will. It may be at a far, far away place where I can afford, nowhere near this plot of land I'm reviewing but it doesn't matter. 

It doesn't matter. I'll get there someday or at least die trying.

Profile of land:

This is an unusual piece of property. Most of the time, owners choose to build their houses along the frontage. However, the previous owners of the land chose to build their house right in the middle of the land, accessible by a narrow charming driveway flanked by matured trees. The rest of the frontage were covered by two sections of horse ranches.

The second storey bedrooms overlook a tennis court, which is the last frontier of the land of that elevation. The land begins to slope gently downwards from the tennis court towards to river abutting the rear boundary of the land. The river level is about 5m below the highest part of the rear and about 3m at the lowest part. The risk of flooding is low but flood walls may have to be built to ensure.

The condition of soil is relatively fertile. The rear land has never been used. The ranches have been used to mind or rear horses in the past. The fields are visibly healthy with thick grass.

Facilities

A beautiful house

1 good size open warehouse

3 sheds

3 car ports

1 stable

1 borehole with 10,000k L license for 10 years

At least 4 large aviary 

reticulation throughout the land

Automated security access gate

Year 1- The year of observation

No major earthworks or changes to the land will be implemented in Year 1. It will be a year of observing how the basic infrastructure and land works through the 4 seasons. Observations must be quantitatively recorded and analysed. That includes the weather, rainfall, daylight, sun direction, human traffic, neighbours, wildlife and the observation of the natural energies of the place such as falling leaves, wind, dust, wind droppings etc.

In the meantime, get approval from the local council to convert the stable into a cafe. For this land zone, this type of land use should be classed as Restaurant, where approval has to be granted to start a business. I do not foresee any major issue because this land is in a prime tourism region and the neighbours are running something similar. However, the council may have an issue with using the existing stable as the restaurant. A comprehension proposal will have to be drawn out in accordance to the requirements of the council and relevant authorities and changes will be made until approval is granted. 

While the cafe should be profitable, or at the minimum breaking even as soon as possible, the purpose of this cafe primarily to get public to know the place. It takes time to get the word around, therefore this should be done as early as possible. 

The budget of the project is $50,000. The conversion of the stable can be done without a builder, as changes will be functional and . Tradesmen have to be roped in to get the services up but the rest (or a big part) of the work can be done myself. The cafe will only open up about 1/5 of the land to the public and can be operated standalone. The cafe will have a country feel, with existing features of the stables preserved, such as half-swing doors, hooks and trap doors.