What the Other Rich Scumbags Can Learn From Anton Casey

Understanding Singapore: Insider tips for foreign rich assholes

So Anton Casey had "parted ways" with his company, Crossinvest. Time will tell if Crossinvest had cut all ties with Casey for good or will there other creative collaboration between the parties in the future. Our eyes will be fixed on Crossinvest to verify their "highest level of trust" claims that Singaporeans can rest upon.


Life in Singapore can be boring, even for the rich. We can understand a need to make your lives as interesting as possible. Otherwise, you would be just another man on the street that no one gives a damn about, which defeats the purpose of amassing so much wealth in the first place. That may explain why it seems like an absolute need to buy that car that the majority of the population cannot afford, just to drive it at 20km/h like every one else in that traffic jam. So when the flashy car, the fancy house diminished beyond their utilities, the urge of doing something extraordinary can be very strong, like our friend Anton Casey had demonstrated. If you find yourself having the same symptoms of the Casey disease, read these guidelines and try your best to suppress yourselves.


Lesson #1: A Lioness within the Sick Cat

Generally, Singaporeans a very meek tribe. It has been widely accepted that Singapore has little natural resources to support its people. For the sake of survival, Singaporeans have to bow down to foreigners and bend over for the rich. We don't question but obey. We don't protest. Being outspoken is not in our DNA. Singaporeans have been known for being cordial, accommodating and submissive. But don't risk it and wake the lions up. It's not a pretty sight when it happens and we don't enjoy that too. Just don't.


Lesson #2: You'll get away with it anyway

The good news is, you'll get away with it if you are foreign enough. Our foreign worker recently discovered all he needs to do is to flip a car to win a free ticket back home. Anton Casey showed us a bit of British humor can get him much needed retreat in sunny Perth, otherwise impossible with his busy schedule in Crossinvest. Granted, taking the fine print of Crossinvest's investment prospectus, "Past performance is not an indicator of future results." You'll get away with it but no guarantees where your bums will land.


Lesson #3: Get a spare car

asingaporeanson has two cars, a 1999 Daihatsu Pyzar and a 1995 Toyota Rav 4, bought at a grand total of A$5,450. No doubt Anton Casey's Porsche may cost 100 times more than that in Singapore, but once it breaks down or requires a major servicing, he goes straight to the public trains for aroma therapy. Unfortunately, SMRT chose the wrong essential oil not quite to Casey's taste and he ended up pissing people off with his bitching. That could very well be prevented if you have a spare car. Casey probably learnt that the hard way in his hotel room last night, stomach growling because 'all fucking shops closes after 5pm'. Bet he will get a new Porsche to move around for food today or it will be interesting to see where he ends up after his public transport experience down the Armadale line. He may end up being the community work, not doing community work if he cannot keep his mouth shut. Let's hope Amy Cheong gives him a lift, since he has a thing for Asian woman. That will be a fine lunch today to reminisce their good times in Singapore. 


Lesson #4: Buy a house in Perth

As rich as you are, it is a mistake to expect the rest of the world works around a snap of your fingers like Singapore. If you find yourself making a hasty flight to Perth one day, it is highly likely you'll end sleeping in hotel rooms instead of home sweet home. So buy a house on the standby, you'll never know when is your turn to hit the headlines. In fact, I could be dead wrong about Casey. He might have already bought a property here all ready for emergencies! So when Casey feels Singapore is "safe" enough to return to, the house can be rented to the next scumbag coming our way. Perhaps it's time for us Singaperthians to pool our money to buy a house specially for these Singapore PR refugees.


Property for Rent

Anton Casey - $3,000 a week
Pissed poor peasants - $300 a week


Lesson #5: Public relation services is over-rated

Casey found this out the hard way. Instead of hiring a public relation company to draft a public apology, a sincere hand-writing apology could have done the job better. It was unfortunate that Casey wasn't born with a sincere bone in him or with intellect high enough to draft an apology letter, he had to settle for public relation services. One cannot help wonder if Casey employed the same company to write a marriage proposal to Bernice Wong in their early days. Knowing Casey, he must have asked the formal Miss Singapore, "Where do I slot this paper between your legs, darling?"


Lesson #6: Get your son out of National Service

Receive death threats, seek asylum, self imposed exile, apply National Service exemption for son. Who could have thought of that?

3 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. something is strange in this case - why did he opt for mrt instead of taxi? perhaps there is some hidden agenda behind all this.

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