A Naughty Retirement

She said, "That day."  I don't know which day but it was probably a good one to think about the future.


That day, she suddenly had a thought.

"Temporary" retire at 55, go for 5 gap years doing what she enjoy. Watch football, rest, recharge, learn new things, exercise etc. etc. etc. After the 5 years, return to the workforce by finding a PT job for senior citizens.

That's one naughty Singaporean because in Singapore you are supposed to work till you die. They publish propaganda [link] every year, sometimes more than once a year, to establish that it is a norm, a trend, a necessity to work. Unless you have the means not to, you can choose not to. The government is not going to provide any social security to you old fucks. The loudspeakers of the establishment echo the mantra at any chance they get. Sometimes one of those over zealous sycophants will go overboard with their taglines, such as, "Collecting cardboard to exercise." That happens a lot, when they choose to cherry pick unusual people to feature all the time, instead of the average Joe. You can buy a HDB flat and raise a family with a $1,000 income, anyone? Master Khaw will be happy to teach you how.


I will never imagine myself not retiring if I am a millionaire and beyond. That is why I have absolutely no idea why these Ministers continues to wag their tails way beyond 55 years old. Every single one of them has enough wealth to feed an entire generation of their family, let alone funding their own retirement. Greed? Absolute greed? I'm not sure which. A passion to serve the public? It's only February, too early for an April Fools joke. Or do they actually find it "boring" to retire and prefers to occupy themselves by smiling and waving to crowds, just like the phantom elderly citizens their minions interviewed? In any case, I see no motivation listening, much less buying into a life plan of greedy no-lifers. I have no wish to be like them, even if the potential annual income is in millions.


Back to the naughty Singaporean with the noteworthy goal of retiring at 55, she has only 1 problem - the money to fund her plan. Sometimes it isn't so bad having a good idea with only 1 obstacle. If you think that is bad, try coming back from an overseas holiday realising your fridge had been turned off from a power trip, you have a colony of worms nourished by the rotting food inside and a baby wailing in your arms and a toddler crying for ice-cream. Since naughty Singaporean has money problems, we'll have to examine her financial status.


She said, "I have $192k in my CPF OA, not including savings." She did not specify how much was her savings and I understand why. Knowing how resourceful someone like me is, it is never too safe to reveal your savings. She is 41 years old, staying with parent, single, monthly expenses $1,000. Anyone interested in her and can fund some of her retirement costs can send me an email.  Well with no information on her savings, we can only work on her CPF OA. Like fuck we can. At this rate, she will not even meet the minimum sum (or whatever name they have changed it to since) by the time she hits 55. That means the amount she can withdraw is a big fat zero or a few thousand dollars at best.


Well, I'm no financial planner and am not qualified to give any financial advice. As a pissed poor peasant in Perth, who learnt how to be pragmatic from my Singapore overlords, I guess the only way to use the CPF is use it at the only way we are allowed to. 



Well since there are some resale HDB flats around an area she is familiar with, it is worth going some house viewing during her free time to have a better grasp of the market. I hope singles are still allowed to buy a HDB flat. If so, there is no stopping her buying a 3 room flat. She might even be eligible for a housing grant for staying near her parent to lower her cost. She should keep her budget not over $300,000. I don't know how much down payment or cash outlay we are required to pay these days but regardless, keeping her budget around $300,000 will see her forking out either "just" $100,000 by using her savings, a bank (or HDB if eligible) loan or a combination.


Her loan repayment for $100,000 at an interest of 2.6% over 10 years is

RepaymentsInterest paid
Monthly$947.25$13,670.00

Less repayment if cash is involved. More repayment if interest is higher. Lower (not less) repayment if loan is more than 10 years. Do I have to spell these out? Fuck. Naughty Singaporean will have check if her monthly CPF contribution is enough to handle the repayment of nearly $1,000. If so, there will not no further cash outlay for now.


Once the flat is purchased, she will be slapped with a 5 year MOP. During this period she is not supposed to sublet. Well unless she choose to be a naughty Singaporean again. Heh heh. Well let's assume she is fucking cog a law-abiding citizen, she will have 5 barren years. That is about the same time as planting a fruit tree. This pissed poor peasant in Perth will tell you before your fruit tree matures, you basically eat shit. 


She has 5 years to do this shit. Patch the walls. Being short isn't a problem with ladders. Paint the wall. It'll look so good in the end, she'll be contented camping on the bare ground. If the floor is not in good condition, it is easy to create a beautiful floor on low cost. Ship the materials in from overseas if the locals businessmen cannot offer a good price. Sorry bros, but business is business. If the kitchen and toilets are not in good condition, it can be refurbished. The budget for renovation should not be more than $10,000. I can even with it with half that budget. It can be done. Easily, if we do part of it.


Of course, she can easily complete these in a year. No one is going to take 5 years doing this. What can she do with her cash draining liability for the next 4 years? Attract a man who can fund her retirement maybe? She has increased her appeal by 5 folds as a HDB leaser. You know, this kind of things are important to Singaporeans. #genderequality2017yo Else, she can use it as her retreat by telling her mum she needs to clean her house (and sleep the whole afternoon away there) Damn! That's good semi retirement lifestyle already.


When 5 years is up, she will be eligible to sublet the unit. Well, that is if the fucking PAP hasn't changed their minds. That's a problem for another day. Now we check out how much she can rent it out for....



They said it's around $1,600 for units of that profile in that area at the current market price. It could be lower or high in 5 years' time. But well, that's a figure we can work with. I'm totally not sure if she is actually allowed to rent the whole unit. If she is only allowed to rent 1-2 rooms, the rates will be obviously lower. That is something she will have to find out extensively before doing this.


With a monthly income of $1,600 and expenses of $1,000, she can actually retire at 46 years old. That is one problem - money again. Well, her flat is only half paid. With a 10 year loan, she has only serviced her loan for 5 years after her MOP is up. She will need to stay in her job (if she is not sacked haha) for another 5 years for her CPF contributions to work magic. At 51, she will have paid up the flat. 


It's up to you then. With your mysterious unspecified amount of savings, and an income of $1,600 + or - $1,000, the world is your oyster. Triple your money across the causeway, learn how to say Sawadikap, roam the islands across the Philippines, be a free labourer for pissed poor peasant, travel to the UK to deface Old Trafford, it's entirely up to you. When your money has ran out, or your preferred PAP government changed the laws to kill your cash cow, it is not too late to collect some cardboard at 56 years old. Being younger than your counterparts, you give them a run for their money.


All you need is a dose of Courage. A 375ml of potent courage in potion form is available my Perth shop. Come and grab it.

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