More often than not, I find myself dumbfound when I am asked to tell someone more about myself. Be it during a job interview, an school orientation, a camp or just a casual chat with stranger, it happens.
This sort of thing shouldn't happen to anyone, including myself of course. After all, no one in this world knows me better than myself and if there is anyone who can describe me accurately that shall be yours truly. Yet as decades drift pass, the conundrum remains.
I am equally stuck whenever I am prompted to reveal what food I love, what fruit I enjoy most, what kind of movies do I watch, what music do I listen to and other trivialities. Have I became so deranged that I do not know who I am anymore? Or have I allowed my life to be so platitudinous that I could not differentiate myself from other cogs of the machine?
Born and bred in Singapore, educated and developed and then served the nation for like any Singaporean son, my life had been structured and sheltered like the vast underclass majority of my generation.
However unlike the others, I was the product that failed the quality control during manufacturing - I questioned the system. Despite that, like a caged sheep, I had absolutely no knowledge nor the means to break free from the system. Neither do I know what I wanted in life but...I knew what I didn't.
Back in the mind, I knew that one day I would have a chance to explore the space outside my little sphere though I could never imagine in which form would it come. I have always been aware of my earning capabilities (or rather in-capabilities) so I have been living a minimalist lifestyle to prepare for whatever coming my way. I learnt basic cooking from a young age in which I suspect it was more of a survival instinct than a passion. Regrettably, though I have enough knowledge and abilities to survive in a new environment, I lost my ability to hunt. Or should I say I wasn't meant to develop the skill? Or maybe I am competent but lack the necessary courage?
I feel like a caged bird with my flight feathers clipped, unknowing what to do with the door ajar.
Migration is no big deal. To date, Singapore has at least 2.5 million of non-natives working and living in the country. Anyone, it seems, could leave their home and resettle somewhere else. That's globalisation. When I was contemplating migration, it was a big deal. Too big for me to handle perhaps, even when I already gotten my feet on Australian soil. My family, relatives, friends and future neighbours at Punggol were not supportive of the idea. The problem is I love them all and I care enough to be genuinely affected.
"When you become a parent, your perspectives and priorities will change," many wise people once told me.
I can vouch for the validity of the statement. I have lived my time and now it is time to build the next generation. Just as my parents did, they gave up their interests and priorities selflessly so that we could become who we are today because they did not want us to go through what they had.
"..because they did not want us to go through what they had," this mantra has seen our ancestors migrate, take on unpopular jobs and take risks, not for their dreams or to satisfy an inflated ego but to give their family and future generation a better life.
Perhaps discovering who I am has lost its importance.
Interesting because I thought of this topic last evening as well.
ReplyDelete@ Jie Yin: Share?
ReplyDeletewahahaha aku ask when u wan to come back...:p
ReplyDelete@ Ah Pooh,
ReplyDelete"If you (and Aku) get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Til I see you again
I'll be loving you
Love, Me."
ooooo.....
ReplyDeleteThis title brough my memory back with I was in Primary. Every year we surely need to write something like that. Now think if back, I never ever think of I will be an Auditor nor migrating to Perth.
ReplyDeleteThat is quite interesting but indeed that is the progress of everybody. The only think I would say is time flies.
I can understand why your families, relatives and friends are not supportive with the migration. After reading the above, I suddenly link all the Singaporean that I met with your comment above. It's seriously true. Is it Singaporean not advanturous enough? I think is the government take very good care for Singaporean with everything.
ReplyDeleteNow, when we compare Singaporean with Malaysian, everything looks the same. Just like what you have written in one of your blog and yet the only difference is the Malaysia government v.s. Singapore government. Why say so? B'cos of the special treatment of the government to Malays, Malaysia's Chinese definitely need to work out some way to sustain themselves and their family. With this kind of policy, I suddenly realised that Chinese in Malaysia is quite strong in some area.
I think you really make a good choice as Australia will be a much better option for your kids. Cheers.
@ Peyning:
ReplyDeleteWe are not elites. People of our status are dogs of the society. Singapore dogs are toy pet dogs. Malaysia dogs are stray dogs.
Pet dogs such as Chihuahuas will die in a month if you throw them out of the home to survive on their own. Stray dogs could survive for years on their own.
We Singaporeans are lucky that our masters take good care of us but unfortunately most of us are too sheltered that we don't take risks, not even an ounce of it. With that, we have a comfortable life but lost our freedom. It is a price that many Singaporeans are willing to pay. Willing buyers willing takers. No hard feelings.
Honestly, I know you guys feel really mistreated by the government. But from a outsider point of view, many Chinese Malaysians are doing well, especially those in Australia. Their character is toughened over the years in Malaysia and they are producing outstanding results and achieve plenty for themselves and their families as well.
From a narrow minded point of view, I rather be a tough stray dog than a pet dog trying to survive out of home.
Set me thinking. I like your perspective.
DeleteTotally agree. I'm a stray dog that just received my toy dog status months ago. The world generally respects toy dogs more than strays, so getting a toy dog passport is a good stepping stone.
ReplyDeleteAnd while a pariah dog-eat-dog world may shape strong puppies, it comes at the price of putting their lives at risk. That said, stray dogs are definitely finding it hard to squeeze into tiny toy dog homes that keep getting more expensive! :)
@blog.poperrors.com : Congrats.
ReplyDeletecheer up. i'm sure 10 years later you will be thankful you took the step. i know i am. i was branded a "quitter" when i left. guess what? proud to be one. one comfortable and free quitter that is :)
ReplyDeleteWelcom to AUSTRALIA!!
ReplyDelete@asingaporeansonOct 12, 2011 05:22 AM
ReplyDeleteForgive me if I seem suddenly rather personal, but I feel I am getting to know you as I am reading thru your blog.
It's 24 Mar 2012 today. It's funny about the comment about us and dogs... you can't imagine the furore about a similar comment (but in a different context) made a few weeks ago.
Bro, I think you really have made the right choice - albeit, tough and life changing, to move out of SG, and into Oz.
I'm rooting for you!
Sydney sucks, Perth is better
ReplyDeleteLove your blog! I am a stray in NZ, we came here in 1988; no regrets! Take care!
ReplyDeletegreat stuff. my first time reading your blog. keep the comments rolling. have already book marked.
ReplyDeleteI am a mild opposite of you. Born and Bred in Sydney, moved to Punggol for a year, going back there in 2 months. Regret coming back to Syd.
ReplyDeleteWld u be able to contact me thru my email.shehzadi1912@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteWld appreciate to hear from u soon.Tks.