50 Ways Not to Enjoy Your Perth Living
compiled by yours truly, contributed by unhappy Singaporeans
- Otherwise unaffordable in Singapore to most, drive your E63 AMG-S in Perth and be disappointed no one attempts to race with you on the road, except for the odd chap on his Ford Falcon Ute late for his drink - and beat you.
- Gripe about the absence of COE, because that punk on minimum wage drives the same car as you.
- Feel frustrated because traffic jams aren't aplenty and you are not moving slow enough for anyone to give your car admiring looks.
- Be pissed off when you are fined for driving above 40km/h at school zones, because your kids don't study at that school anyway.
- Take offence that no one took a glance at your expensive new car when you stop at traffic junctions.
- Be impatient when red traffic lights take ages to flip green - because the green lights that last for 3 seconds like back home is cool.
- Moan about how long public trains takes to arrive and how expensive each ride costs when you manage to find a seat every ride.
- Feel annoyed when every public bus driver greets you. What's so good about the mornings?
- Be defensive when someone approaches you asking if you need help because you look lost. Busy bodies.
- Turn up your nose when some stranger waiting at the bus stop chats you up.
- Complains endlessly that all public buses rides are only FOC within the city area and not extended to the suburbs.
- Lament that only a handful of eateries open well into the night because eating out late at night is a healthy thing to do.
- Bitch about the lack of Asian food all the time even though you are in an Oceanic country, because the world actually revolves around you.
- Be sure not to learn cooking, eat out all the time and tell your friends how unsustainable it is to live in Australia.
- Tell all your friends the whole of Australia encounters bush fires, hail, sandstorm and floods on regular basis, even though you have never even seen a bush fire near you in 10 years.
- A yearly haze is way better than an occasional storm.
- Spit at Summer all the time, more often than asingaporeanson.
- When jogging on a track by the Swan River, don't stop to admire occasional dolphins sightings because captive dolphins at Resort World back home is way more cool.
- During barbie sessions, always tell everyone the free usage BBQ pits in public parks are not as good as those in East Coast Park because charcoal BBQ pits do the job better than electric ones.
- Complain about how regional areas is too far to drive to, though that's the reason why they are called regional.
- Emphasize to your friends how early shops close at night, even though you should be in bed instead of prowling the streets like a zombie.
- Moan about the hassle of having to choose the color of your roof tiles right down to the capping of your fixtures.
- Whine about being a victim of racist because you can no longer label the others Ah Neh, Ah Tiong or Ahmad anymore.
- Tell everyone about glass ceilings in employment, whether or not you will even ever bump on one in your entire career.
- Be convinced there is no jobs for you in Australia.
- Insist that "blue collared workers" are so low class.
- Tell all your friends back how boring Perth is because "there isn't anything."
- Bitch about people relying on Centre-link because there is no chance in hell any day you'll ever need help.
- Declare all Asian food "not the same as what we get in Singapore," even though some are actually better and fresher.
- Compare how bad the education system here is to Singapore's more 'hollistic' one with proven results.
- Complains about speeding fines because traffic is too slow in Singapore to get you fined for speeding.
- Tell your Aussie friends, "This is not Barbecuing, this is Teppanyaki."
- Make a big deal out of a sandwich that cost $9.00 because you can't make yourself a damn sandwich.
- Be annoyed at a single canned soft drink cost $3.00 at the fridge because it is a good idea drinking these all the time.
- Compare shitty internet connection to Singapore because it is quite easy to wire the whole of Australia up as effectively.
- Complains about dark streets because every street in the world must be brightly illuminated from both sides of the road like Singapore.
- Point out relentlessly about the lack of the overhead pedestrian crossings you won't be using anyway.
- Be disgusted with the lack of rain because you really enjoyed rainy days very much back in the Singapore days.
- Grumble about pushing your bins back and forth because you paid fees to the council because your jade hands must not be tainted.
- Continue to bad mouth the PRCs here, well, because they are here.
- Grouch about the lack of litter bins everywhere because you are the only one full of rubbish.
- Tell your Aussie friends, "Only cheap labourers know how to drive a fork-lift in Singapore."
- Bleat about the cold of winter endlessly the moment you are awake, though you snuggle and sleep tremendously well under the sheets every night.
- Be frustrated with shelter-less bus stops
- Lament about the near non-existent covered link-ways because it rains very often in Perth.
- Tell your Aussie friends, "Diesel is more expensive than petrol in Australia, so stupid."
- Feel miserable because there isn't a $400 maid for hire here never mind the fact you needn't carry a full pack for your son here.
- Be convinced that "CPF is better than Super" and be chronically indignant over it.
- High tax, enough said. Hate it. Hate it so much so you curse bitterly about it on every pay day.
- Blame the country for your weight gain, because it's their fault for making chocolates, ice-cream and potato chips cheaper here.
Nix
ReplyDeleteYou serious these are actually real or just making a joke? Otherwise I can agree with any racist Aussie when they tell migrants to " go back to where to came from "!
C'mon, tell us.. Who gripes about no. 30?
ReplyDeleteWhat's wrong with the internet here?
ReplyDeleteNothing amazing, not cheap, but still affordable and I get 10-11 mbps download speed which is more than enough for me.
-S
The 51st way not to enjoy my Perth living is not to have fuckee (S) for me to shag her like a sheep.
ReplyDeleteThat's cheap and still affordable.
Hi, nice blog shared above. Really very interesting post shared above. Awaiting for more posts like this.
ReplyDelete