A Singaporean In Australia

Satki Yoda

It is to my great pleasure and flattery that Grandmaster Nix has asked once again, for my opinion on another subjective issue close to migrant hearts. Satki Yoda is flattered, even surprised, that an old bird like Nix has asked for the opinion of someone at least 10-15 years younger than him - Nix really has this humble thing down pat. 

Anyway, the topic that Satki Yoda is writing about today is, how to make good friends here and the importance of making friends. To be honest, i underestimated the importance of making friends here when I first arrived. Being the result and ends focused Sinkie i was (and still am to a certain extent), when i first arrived to do my uni studies, I had the mindset that I was on a shoestring budget so I would just go in, study hard, keep my head down, wham bam thank you ma'am, get my degree and then get the satki office job editing spreadsheets that will make every traditional Singaporean mother wet. 

Alas, you can always try to immerse yourself in different surroundings but when challenged, you simply don't have the stamina to keep up the appearances or a character that just isn't you. I may not be the biggest social butterfly, but after 2-3 months of pretending to be this serious dip shit, I eventually just got tired and started being myself, making friends with the people around me without even trying too hard, and was feeling much more comfortable just being myself - very kao beh, always with a smart ass remark, love a good party and a good beer, and enjoy soccer. 

When you arrive, people always tell you bullshit like "make friends with the locals and find out how they live", etc - the reality is that this is easy to say, but it also depends on your circumstances and your personality. Every person is unique, whether Singaporean or Australian or American or whatever. I've said this before and I'll say it again, its not rocket science. Just be yourself, be humble, be nice, and people will come. It shouldn't matter whether they are angmoh, pinoy, indian, PRC and whatever - the fact is we are all migrants. If you don't discriminate, others won't discriminate. If they discriminate first, you tell them to get fucked. The ugly fact is we all have some form of inferiority or superiority complex of some form, even for those angmohs born and bred here - if you refuse to challenge your assumptions there will always be this barrier that makes you a real asshole. 

Of course, be open minded and try new things, but you really don't have to try too hard. If you don't like fishing in Singapore, you won't suddenly like fishing in Australia. Similarly, the people you mix with will more or less follow the same pattern. If you usually mix with a certain type of people, say the party animal type, you will end up mixing with the party animals, and if you are a nerd, you will end up mixing with the nerds. You don't have to force yourself to mix with bogans just because it is the "Aussie" thing to do and feel accepted and integrated. If in Singapore, you normally mix with snotty ACS types - you will find the snotty ACS types in Australia too to mix with and feel right at home with them. Identity and groups are much more complex than being just defined by a national culture. Regardless of race, language or religion, there will always be similar groups in a society - we have the bengs in their black vios, Australians have the bogans in their holden commodore, both doing the same thing (ie. annoying everyone on the road) - we have ACS and MGS snotty noses, Australians (Melbournians) have Methodist Ladies College, and Geelong Grammar and the sort. You get the idea. It won't change magically just because you took a plane and had a chop on your passport. 

To keep to the topic, it is important to make friends and have the support network group especially for convenience - if your car breaks down, you can always call up your buddy for a lift, etc that sort of thing. Obviously, the easiest way to make friends is through university, it can be slightly hard to make friends with work colleagues but don't get depressed yet, because if you realize, its exactly the same even if you stay in Singapore! Even if you join clubs, sporting associations, etc the fact is that if you aren't hanging out with these people on a daily basis, the relationships will never be beyond superficial and that is simply a fact of life, whether you are in Australia, Singapore, China or anywhere in the world. Don't stress and just, like I always say, be yourself. 

REgards, 

Satki Yoda writing from his black vios