So I heard there is a contest going on and I thought I would try my hand, lest I am lucky enough to win an air ticket back to Singapore to attend the NDP rally. When the real PM mention me, the camera will zoom in so close that millions of Singapore can even see my tooth fillings, a necessary move to filter out those fighting the Z monster around me.
However, I will not be there because I can't submit a proper proposal. 12 hours? You must be having a laugh. 12 years will be more reasonable. At least when I chalk up too many honest mistakes, I would have served enough terms to be eligible for pension. Then I can move back to Perth again to carry on where I left off. This time, I will bring Marilyn along.
If I can be PM for 12 years, I will tax Singaporeans 20% of their salary and increase corporate hiring tax by 17%. (i.e tax companies $0.17 for every $1 they spend hiring employees). The most difficult thing about implementing this is convincing the general public that this is good for them ... and not me, of course. I will take the cue from some of the brilliant Christian leaders by calling a spade a fork. Employer's contribution, perhaps. That will make bosses feel like they care for their employees. And the employees' part? That is a little trickier. How about retirement fund?
The next step is to package my tax with creative methods that will completely change the nature of it, like how South Korean girls do going under the knife. It has to come up looking beautiful and .... sexy, the way Singaporeans love it. I will make my citizens feel like they can use or even spend their tax. Less than 20% of the population live in public housing. That is too low. My vision is to increase my population living in public housing to over 90% by building flats, which I have to build anyway, with the tax I collected from the people. I will make them feel even better by telling them they are getting a subsidy. Heh.
The flat shall always belong to the state (but not me of course, hehe). My people shall only be perpetual tenants to my growing property empire generations after generations. To make this look even better, I will allow them to own their lease for a century and allow them to trade their lease. Some luckier buggers may even profit from trading their flat lease. I don't mind. First, I am not the one who pays for their gain. It is the bigger fool out there. Second, when it is possible to gain some money buy paying tax, it completely veils the fact I am taxing them. Third, with the evergreen inflated cost of public housing I spent a meagre to build initially, my pool of tax will grow. Win-win-win for me.
Next I have to work on withholding my tax. It will be dire if there are actual avenues for my people to withdraw the tax I collected. Perhaps I will ensure there is a minimum amount of funds the population have to place with me. I shall convince or confuse them it is good for their retirement and show them their godly statistics to be potential immortals. That should keep everyone happy. With that, there is more my wife can bring along to the mahjong table to take on Ah Mel, Ah Ni and Gracie. If that is not convincing enough, I'll assure them when they die, whatever left behind will be passed on to their descendants, whom will be made to pass on a sizable share to theirs too. In the midst of it, I will grant some payouts of a couple of hundred bucks a month. This is how governments of other First World nations do with part of their tax collected anyway but unlike them, I have the vehicles to regulate the amount to pay out.
Funding the payouts isn't that difficult. I can conduct a population ponzi. As long as my population keeps growing, there will always be enough to pay the old farts monthly. Collect $10, pay $1. Easy peasy. If this doesn't work, we'll throw the ball to the insurance companies. Hmm, perhaps I shall set up the insurance someday to make things easier for everyone.
Tucky asked me the previous afternoon how else can I withhold more of their pseudo retirement fund after making it compulsory to buy an annuity. Hmm, how about making a lease-buyback scheme compulsory? Hehe. That will save me a lot of trouble firing up the property market to encourage trading volume. Well, I have a lot more ideas I can implement, however even 12 years is a little short to me to do so much, all thanks to the dumb ass Ministers under my charge.
Fortunately, these are only my hypothetical visions for Singapore. The easiest way to keep prisoners is to convince them they aren't. Aren't you glad I am not your Prime Minister?
No comments:
Post a Comment