Archive for 2015

When I was young, we had the pleasure of sending cheap Christmas cards to our friends. Printed on those cards would always be something related to snow, be it house with a arched roof embedded with a thick layer of snow, a white Christmas tree or a magnified design of a snowflake. I asked my mother, "When is it going to snow?" Of course, she laughed and told me it would unlikely in her lifetime.

Still, I was still contented that we got to celebrate Christmas in Singapore, although it was a westernized thing. The next best thing to spending time with the family and the dead turkey on the table in a cosy warm house on a snowing evening was perhaps walking along Orchard Road admiring lights and sweating like hell by the time we reached City Hall. No matter, street walking had never felt that good in any part of the year than Christmas session. The decorations were rich and generous and loud Christmas songs were played to drive up the atmosphere. The weather was usually good, by Singapore's standard, around that time of the year. There was almost a hint of romanticism in the air along those streets. Life was good.

Until the very first Christmas Eve when I had to work. I was only 16 years old back then and took up a holiday job in Takashimaya to earn a few bucks. That Christmas probably gave me a rude awakening to commercialism and melted any romanticism left in my mind for Christmas. I almost missed the last night train home that night. It wasn't quite my idea of "Silent night, holy night" for me. Quite the opposite, in fact. Since then, Christmas represented a time for me to "slack" at home and hide from the world.

If Christmas was to celebrate the birth of Christ with nice cold weather, songs and log cakes then Australia, Perth in particular, must be where Satan normally resides. For it gives us damn good weather throughout the year except and especially on fucking Christmas day, just to prove a point I guess.

In fact Perth has been the hottest capital city in the world on Christmas so often that even bookies are offering bets for that this year. Just imagine what kind of Christmas spirit you can experience here. Dead spirits from animals, insects and humans who died of heat stroke perhaps.

A good majority of the companies in Perth closes (termed: shutdown) from the 21st Dec onward. Some reopen for business only on the end of the first week of the New Year. It was supposed to be a year end holiday/celebration for the Aussies, though I suspect it is also for them to get away from the heat by driving south, flying North to Bali or simply hiding at home with reverse cycle activated. I thought the shutdown thing is a good idea, though I will prefer them to call it the Bunking Fortnight. It is a mystery to me why Perth houses do not come with a basement. That'll come in handy for our bunking needs when Satan visits during Christmas.

I've been asked for the 4th time by a colleague today about my plans for Christmas. I should have realise by now I am supposed to have one but I do not have the mood to make any. If there was actually any traces romanticism of Christmas left in me, it will be fully melted and drained after this one. I do, however, miss my family in Singapore when I was doing a big grocery run last weekend. My daughter must be wondering why I gave her extra hugs lately.

My own tips for young Singaporeans who may be considering living in Australia after doing their studies:

Work

You are allowed 20 hours per week for work during your school term (no limit during holidays). So work. Having said that, you don't have to work so many hours if you don't need to. School work is important and that is your primary purpose here, not partying or chasing girls. Besides earning some handy pocket money, the idea of working for somebody is to know where you stand as an employee. Be sure to ask the boss if he or she is pleased with your work performance (even if it is as simple as delivering pizza). If the answer is a resounding 'yes', never fail to ask the golden question, "Will you hire me after I graduate from school?" If the boss doesn't appear too keen, try again at the next job. If you keep getting negative responses, you may want to consider returning and standing up for Singapore.

Recce

They say being a tourist and actually living in a place can be two different worlds. To a certain extent, a student is similar to being a student. If you decided to stick to your course mates and do 'university students things', you'll end up learning very little about the place. Remember, you are not going to be a student forever. If you are planning to work, settle down with someone and have kids, you better make sure you know how this country runs outside your cosy university hostels.

Talk to people

I can't do shit like that but that doesn't change the fact that it will do you a world of good. I once knew a Bangladeshi who started as a construction worker when he first came to Singapore. Due to the fact that he was chatty, he found himself talking to someone idly watching the traffic on an overhead bridge in Singapore. They extended that chat in a cafe and it turned out that the guy was holding a high position in an MNC and offered him a supervisor job. An average worker like that could end up working decades in Singapore without getting an opportunity like that.

I am not implying that we should have a motive when knowing someone new. Don't get this the wrong way. What I was driving at was you cannot expect to get fished hiding in a shell. That goes the same as meeting your life partner, for those who are seeking.

Save money

It is almost impossible to save money as a student. I know that. What you should be mindful of is not to spend it on meaningless things, such as sharing a birthday present for every fuckard out there you cannot even spell their names properly. Etc. It is very easy to forget you are on a mission, you will but you shouldn't. Once the party is over, everyone will go separate ways. You will be left with a few worthy friends who appreciates you for who you are if you are lucky. I doubt that was because of your part in their birthday presents.

You need the money for more important issues. If you cannot figure it out now, just save as much as you can anyway until you can.

Be open minded

If you are going to whine about ice cream and Asians, you are going to have a very hard time. Who has time for all these crap, really? If you want to achieve big things in life (not your boy scout badges or promotions in civil service), you have to have a big heart. If you don't, then start growing it by getting rid of small minded thoughts. The world has enough of petty men wearing petticoats so be different. The only person in the world that can upset you is yourself. If you don't allow it, no one can touch you. You will not be moved and that is how you can survive anywhere with confidence.

Never forget this.

The car is 12 years old but it doesn't look like it. The first comment my colleague gave when he borrowed the car to buy lunch was, "Wow!"

The exterior and interior (good) condition of this car may be the previous owner's credit, but the manufacturer can be proud of the quiet engine, smooth gear shift and reliable performance (so far) that their 12 year old model managed to maintain.

Fuel consumption

I don't expect my fuel consumption to be great, since at least 75% of my distance will be covered under 100-110km/h due to the route I choose. That forced the modest 1.3L gli engine to operate at or slightly over 3000 rpm most of the time, hardly the most fuel saving configuration. However, I do not relish the thought of driving 80km/h on ROE highway. This car feels optimal for city driving (60-80km/h) rather than for 'cheong highway.'

When Duchess M told me her 1.5L VTi Bluey Blue (or something) had yielded her 600-700km on a single fill of the tank before, I wonder if I could achieve the same, despite driving above the optimal setting. So I kept driving after the light came on. I managed to hit about 627km before I went for a fill. The fuel consumption reader actually claimed I was averaging a 5.2L/100km but Pat warned me over the weekend that that reading might not be accurate and he was right. The fill had me pump 37L of petrol for my 627km. So it works out to be

Fake car reading: 5.2L/100km or 19.2km/L

Real fuel consumption: 5.9L/100km or 16.9km/L

Quite a lot of difference, if we do the calculations ourselves. No idea why the reading from the car varied by that much though. The big question is: Can I ever hit 700km on a single tank? If the manufacturer's specifications are accurate, my fuel tank capacity should be 42L. So I was supposed to have around 5L of fuel left in my tank, although it didn't feel that way. If the specs are correct, with my more dependable Real fuel consumption reading, it should yield me another 84.5km and take me just over 700km. Perhaps a try next time, when the kids are not around and I happen to have a few litres of spare fuel in the boot.

All in all, I cannot complain about the fuel consumption of this car, be it real or fake reading.

Handling

I managed to negotiate the transition ramp between Kwinana and ROE freeway at 90km/h once. It felt stable enough. The steering wheel felt much lighter than the CRV, I could virtually steer with a hand all the time if I wanted to. However and rightfully so, it felt heavy enough to feel the wheels and vehicle at a perfect loading. It shouldn't feel that light like the crappy Great Wall ute my company bought.

Visibility

The rear side panel of the Honda Jazz is way too small for my comfort when I need to watch out for traffic waiting at the central divider during a right turn. I would imagine how a shortie driver will need to stretch his or her neck like a giraffe to get a clear view. I guess they don't even bother to check and tikam tikam sometimes. You'll know why when you see a Jazz cutting into your lane from the right once in a while. It wouldn't be me though.

Interior

My modest 2003 model would not be anything to shout about when it comes to trinkets and treasures. I've seen Missy Jo's brand new Jazz recently and wow, it has plenty of buttons to play around and a fancy dashboard with beautiful hue. However, Honda did their due diligence when it comes down to the simplest things such as a notch at the right height for the arm to rest during the drive, a crevice for the water bottle at the right place and service buttons that do not look like they are falling apart anytime after 12 years. Though my "magic seats" are not as magical as the newest model, they can still grant me that big cubic space at the back when I need it.

Albany has taken a liking to daddy's car because it is "fast." Hmm.

Comfort

Like my colleague said, this car gives a pleasant and quiet drive. It may feel just a bit rougher at 100km/h but I cannot decide if it was due to the bad roads, suspension or (light) weight of the car. So far, I have not felt the car overwhelmed by high speed wind like I did at times driving Goldilocks (RIP) The sound proofing is rather good. It feels like a private space the moment I start driving. I am not sure if it feels roomy enough for long legged humans at the back, since there have been 2 baby seats at the back since day 1 and I have never took a ride behind before to try.

Overall

Good car. Just don't expect to do wheelies or cartswheels with this 1.3L car. Keeping in mind I will be moving further from my company next year, the decent fuel consumption will help in reducing the cost. That was what I had in mind when I decided to buy the car. So far, it appears that I will have little regrets with this purchase, though $3,900 for this car is way above my comfort zone. Long may it continues.

Hello Nix,

Just want to say I really enjoy your writing.

Apologies for cold-emailing and the wall of text, but I've gotten very interested in listening to different people's migration stories, and I'd like to share my experience too.

I did my tertiary studies in Perth so I can relate to many of the things you've spoken about.

Met the wife in Uni, then we graduated and went back to Singapore for 5 years. I was constantly unhappy with the state of affairs in SG - politics, crowds etc. My job as a writer wasn't flash either. Pay was bad, work hours are long (no overtime) and you end up becoming a page-filler for pages when there're no advertisements allotted.

Fortunately, the wife (whose skill was on the SOL during that time) obtained her PR as a student. So I came over on a spouse visa.

It was a big move and I'm thankful we did it. It's now our 5th year in Australia. We ended up living in Alice Springs - the veritable arsehole of Australia according to some, even the Aussies. Yes, crime is somewhat rampant here - break-ins, assaults, domestic violence, stabbings, murders, rape, drug smuggling. Weather is extreme too - I remembered one day being 46 degrees max and 37 min a couple summer's back.

But, we don't mind it here. Jobs are easy to find, and they have heaps of overtime. My first job was a salesman in Dick Smith as a casual worker. I had never used a cash register in my life. But it wasn't difficult - to be a good worker, all you have to do is rock up for work. A good work ethic goes a long way. Too many people in Alice chuck sickies just because they don't feel like coming in.

In my first job I made around $700 a week on average. Once I hit $1,000 a week, as we had commission (tip: don't get those extended warranties). Not bad for casual. That was an average of 30 hours a week, $19/hr. I was the highest paid casual worker due to my age (30 at the time).

But get this: My first day working casual Down Under netted me a pay roughly equal to (sometimes less, sometimes more) my job in SG after 5 years! What's more I received increments in the SG job 4 years out of 5. My pay at the end of 5 years was SGD3,000 a month.

Singaporeans complain about high taxes in Australia, but in reality, the take home is usually higher. I'm no accountant and I'm terrible with numbers, but you can take it from me.

Now I work in law enforcement (one good thing about serving National Service - job experience!). Might as well cash in on the crime spree or what? With overtime, we hit 100k pretty easy. My colleague hit $175,000 by working every day last financial year. That's a paycheck of $5,000 and above a fortnight, insane.

Alice is a place to make money and get ahead. But obviously not many stay for the long-term because of the climate and the isolation of the place. I'm not showing off by mentioning these numbers - anyone with half a brain can work here. As mentioned, all you need to do, is rock up for work :)

It's just remarkable (and very joyous) to me that normal everyday jobs can pay well. Like how my dad remarked when he visited: "Eh how come the construction workers are all angmoh?"

Also, it's good to see that Australia isn't homogeneous like Singapore. Can't find a good job in the city, there's always remote locales where you can ply your trade - and they probably pay better too. Hate academia? Study and work as a carpenter, or do checkout in Woolies or Coles and work your way up to a manager's position. Everyone can afford rent, a car, and eventually a mortgage in Australia - you just have to wise about where you put your dollars.

And you have absolute freedom to decide just where each cent goes. Just look at superannuation: You can decide down to the finest detail where (and in which fund, there's countless superannuation funds) you invest your retirement funds, and in what ratio. This was a little overwhelming to me because CPF doesn't give you a choice.

And don't get me started on the unions in Australia - what you mean workers can negotiate with management? How absurd! In SG where the best bit of the unions are the grocery discount vouchers!

We've got a little 2.5 year old as well, so I relate to your sharing about Albany :)

If you ever decide to visit the Red Centre, hit us up!

Cheers,

Hello M*,

I salute you for moving to the "middle of nowhere." I would like to know how you ended up there, if you have the time. I would have done it for a job if I have to, in the past or the future. Though I have a job now and the searing heat in Alice Spring is a daunting prospect, I cannot count out the possibility of ending up there one day. Who knows?

I'm glad you get paid well for the trouble. Thank you for generously sharing the figures of your previous jobs. I hope more people will share these with me so that I (as well as any interested) will know the place better. A higher remuneration for working at certain locations is new to most Singaporeans. It is hard to imagine a scenario where jobs in Clementi pay more than those in Tampines. However, this is very common in Australia. Many Singaporeans, including myself, cannot imagine how big this country is and how greatly places differ be it weather, lifestyle, geographical properties, the way people work and play. Therefore, it is possible to find a good paying job in a place transient town. Darwin is one such place, although the Australian government is trying to grow the it into a vibrant city. Alice Spring though, is definitely a place to make money and leave for now.

Please relay the message to your Malay friend who is living and working in a remote town in WA. I hope I can hear from Singaporeans who is living in unusual places or working unconventional jobs. It is very encouraging to know that there are adventurous Singaporeans out there who have the balls as big as their comfort zone. Hope we will get to read yours stories from "Middle Earth" again.

asingaporeanson

I've met Singaporean parents who were contemplating or had sent their children back to Singapore so that they would receive world class education. By world class, I meant the opportunity to expose their kids in robust teaching methods that rocketed some of our finest to top OECD rankings in mathematics and science. Even if ours kids are nowhere among the very, very few at the top, the rationale is that our kids will be able to strive further under such an environment than a more laid-back one.

Going by the same logic as my logical Singaporean acquaintances, I should be moving back to Singapore if I want to get rich, since there are a lot of rich people there and the working environment is competitive. By that logic, I will end up richer than I am, somehow. Nonsensical. All of us knows that the world doesn't owe us a living. Living in a country full of rich people (studies revealed there will be 1 millionaire in 30 people in Singapore by 2020) does not entitle us wealth. Chances are I will be one of the 29 poor fucks who have none of the necessary attributes, acquirable or not, to be that 1 in 30. Who is to say that our kids will have the necessary attributes to do well academically in Singapore then?

"Reach out for the skies." Remember? How about one of those popular quotes that people have used on me, "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you'll land among the stars." I dislike dumb quotes and wish people will think it through before using one. Never mind it is harder to reach a star than the moon. Education, to me, is not about achieving goals. It must be all about learning to learn, gaining good values, habits and learning to practice them until it becomes second nature.

The most important habit is lifelong learning. I realised the importance of this habit too late in life but I am trying my best to do catch up. I was one of the "return to teacher" brigade in Singapore. By that, I meant burning midnight oil, scoring decent marks in examinations. Don't even bet on applying what I learn to help myself in life. I would be lucky if I did not cleanly forget whatever I studied by the time I walked out from the examination hall. I found it amusing to reminisce an incident when one of my friends barked at me when I asked him for help in my revision, "Don't ask how this formula works! Just apply the fucking thing and you'll pass!" I did and I did. Today I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. If I had pursued my studies in the same field, I would be a Civil Engineer today, designing and building the HDB flats you live in, the shopping centres you go after work with that same mindset. (Trust me, I've worked in the industry long enough to see engineers who worked like that)

How many of us are in the "return to teacher" brigade, a motto we actually used proudly without any remorse? Accordingly to my experiences in my schooling days, we were the majority. Have that traditional attitude changed among the Singaporean young today? I doubt so. Due to the results orientated system, that approach would be the line of least resistance to survival because it is the most feasible and logical one. Foreigners have so often commented that Singaporeans are stupid. They are only half right. We are a group with good brains but our education system has molded us to be 'do-ers' instead of 'thinkers'. That wasn't intended to be bad. The problem is that years of conditioning our minds to operate that way redefined our work ethics in the working world. During my working life in Singapore, this was what I saw. Work smart actually meant 'chao keng.' Delegation became 'shoot arrow', thus when one is being tasked, it meant the unfortunate one 'kena arrowed.' The #1 motto for every department in most work environment there is 'Always cover backside,' because once that is faithfully performed then it 'isn't my problem.' Remember the path of least resistance? That is how we operate and why we worship the lightning. Granted the cited are arguably ethics of workers with attitude problem, it is unlikely that a whole work culture is formed by the mentality of the minority. How is it not obvious enough that is correlated with the way we are educated?

I had the opportunity to sit down with M the other day. She just completed her Masters in Teaching (or something) after years of struggle. I have been following her program. It seemed intensive and very hands on. She was a teacher with the MOE years ago. There was no better person to get a qualified, objective view on education in both countries. What caught my interest was her explanation why the pace of teaching seems a lot slower in Australia. Some schools here practice informal streaming in class but not according to general total scores the way we do in Singapore, where the strong gets stronger and the weak gets weaker. Instead, these 'streamings' were done for down to any meaningful sub-division of skills not limited to only subjects but to personal skills as well. Pupils are rotated all the time according to their strengths and weaknesses so that every one has a chance to catch up. Under the 'no one gets left behind' mentality, kids are naturally encouraged to help one another and because classes are not officially streamed, it is less prone to the (perhaps subconscious) practice of assigning a better teacher to a better class in Singapore. We had teachers coming into our class (I was in a "bad" class), declaring, "This is a hopeless class, I will save my breath for 4B." We love to measure our best against the world. How about pitting our worst and see where we really stand?

A few years ago, I wrote a post I titled, "Learning to learn." To my amazement, I had not forgotten about it. It goes to show, once again, the importance of blogging. The message has not been since. To learn to learn is one of the most important thing I would like my kids to achieve from the education system here. One of the key factor to acquiring this habit is to have an interest during early learning. A child should learn out of curiosity, out of thirst to improve and empower. It should not be for putting the correct answers in exam papers to gain recognition from parents, teachers, peers and society. I have made the mistake and learnt from it thus I will not subject my child to the same.

It really does not matter if a kid learnt his or her algebra at age 4 or age 10, unless your toilet door at home is digitally locked with an algebraic equation that changes once every hour or something. Otherwise what is the real benefit of learning a lot, very early? To return to the teacher?

During Jen's nesting week, we went to the shop to stock up on disposable diapers. We did not plan to buy any "formula milk" for the baby since Jen was to breastfeed the new baby until he can feed on solids just like how we handled Albany in the past. Still, I couldn't help but notice the empty shelves at the formula milk section. Woolworths was such a big organisation here and you would almost never see a regular day of slow replenishing of goods in any of their joints. Even so, they struggled to keep up with the frantic buyers (rumored to be the PRCs) of milk powder.

On the shelf was a pinned newspaper article explaining their empty shelves. It was old news and people were generally aware of PRCs exporting milk powder in large amounts for personal use or profit. That irked the locals because they felt that the practice was artificially driving supply low and causing prices to increase.

That reminded me of my own stupidity. I used to think that HDB prices were driven up by an artificial demand caused by an influx of migrants into Singapore in a very short time. The stupid part of me was that I believed it was artificial. There was nothing artificial about that. It was in fact, more real than my worst nightmares as I had to go through every single day jostling with crowds, wonder if there was any future left for me there. That wasn't a trend or a one-off phenomenon. Escalating population figures will not stop. This kind of reality is probably something the locals here have not come to terms with. As long as Australia continues to take in PRCs and the power milk quality continues to be dire in their home country, the shelves here are going to be empty until price goes up so much that it isn't feasible to export them off the racks anymore. None of the options seem possible in the near future. It remains to be seen if they will take the risk to increase supply dramatically as a solution.

Just how much the milk powder is here? Is it really worth the effort of exporting them that way? I am not really sure. I have never shopped for formula milks in Singapore or Perth and have no feel of the pricing difference. I remember a friend in Singapore asking me about it before. Why don't you tell me if there is a significant difference? I can't even tell the differences among brands.

wants to be bathed by mummy

Jen went through some obvious behavioral change during her third trimester. Before that, she was sleeping most of the time outside her daily needs. Many women swore that their pregnancy was the worst experiences of their lives but Jen had been lucky. She did not experience morning sickness, special cravings or having her stomached turned at specific food. Of course, it wouldn't be comfortable at all living with a huge belly at the late stages but other than that, all she needed was extra sleep.

Since Jen was sleeping most of the free time, I gradually took over the duties of bathing little Albany, as well as making her sleep at night. She didn't take it too well at first. Not at all. Every bath was stressful for both Albany and me because she wanted her mummy to do it and she wouldn't cooperate with me. The initial few baths ended up in bloodshed and tears. After two weeks, she got used to the new regime and our baths went smooth without much fuss. Bed time was a nightmare because Albany would find any excuse possible to get Jen to resume her previous duty. For nights, she cried but gradually had to accept that she was going to share her room with me and not her mummy. It was quite a challenge having to juggle preparing meals and Albany because of a few restrictions I set.

1) Albany's bedtime is 1930 hrs. No negotiation

2) Dinner is to be finished before 1800 hrs

3) We cook every meal and do not eat out (except for friends invite)

These are made possible by knocking off at 14.30 hrs. By reaching home around 15.00ish, I had little time to rest but to start preparing for dinner soon after I spent some time playing with Albany. Since Jen was sleeping a lot around that period, we cut down the plays lest Albany's excited shrieks would had awaken Jen up. So I left Albany to watch her favourite television program from 1530 hrs to 1640 hrs, a rare treat for her because Jen does not allow her to watch much television usually.

Even my Mother-in-law was slightly taken aback when dinner started at 1700 hrs, early even for her standards. But why not? I will never forget having my dinners at 9pm, 10pm or even 11pm during my working days in Singapore. I am sure I wasn't alone. Many Singaporeans take dinner late, some by choice, some not. No matter, no one can dispute the fact doing so put unnecessary stress to our bodies. We do not relish our bosses giving us half the time to do our jobs, so why are we giving our system much lesser time to process the food we consume? Being able to put food on the table at 1700 hrs, and having every meal with my family, is a rare privilege.

That two weeks before baby was born was interesting to observe. Jen suddenly woke from her slumber and seemed to be full of energy. Every day, she transformed the house a little, by cleaning or shifting things around. I was told to put things away in the store every few days. Her attitude shifted from gloomy to upbeat. She was smiling a lot, as if she knew her pregnancy was going to be over soon. I suspected it wasn't the expected due date. I felt that she could feel it coming. The house was ready and I, having taken over Albany's night duties, was ready.

Louise is an (ex?) Singaporean daughter living in Temora, one of the outskirt suburbs of Sydney. She writes to me occasionally and her emails intrigue me to no end, often include details of her life and work with a great sense of humour. Some of her emails are too good not to share. Though most Singaporeans will not be interested in things like that, a minority like me will. This blog is catered for the minority in the first place. Apt.

Asking the lady to tell me her experiences:

Dear Nix and Jen,

Hello again. I read your latest blog with interest. I certainly didn't know about the 50 points for pure existence. If only our local Woolies or Coles give us those points on flybuys, for simply 'being something' every time we shop with them.

It has been an interesting fortnight for Singapore and Australia. In Singapore, it was a lot of hype and no change. In Australia, it was no hype and a sudden change. On the latter, I much prefer Turnbull over Abbott, for a wide variety of reasons. How has your fortnight been? Mine was twisted. I won't say it was interesting. But extremely twisted and out of ordinary.

It all started out pretty well. I acquired another horse and named it Lao Fu Zi. Its previous owner didn't have time for him so I bought it over. The intention was to train it enough so that it can serve as a therapy horse with the 'Riding for the Disabled'. I strongly suspect that it had other plans. The following night, I was tagged on FB by several people on a status. The status was,"Did anyone lose a horse? I happened to look on my CCTV and saw a horse trotting past our front yard. I drove out to the property and looked. Shit, a fencing had come loose. Lao Fu Zi was missing. So I drove out to search. I panicked in cold sweat because Lao Fu Zi was not tagged yet. And if the pound authority finds him, they would most likely shoot it. The power of FB came swiftly into action. I was informed that there is a horse loitering outside Maccas. Effing hell. So drove over, led it slowly into the trailer (not much difficulty, it must be afraid as well) and brought it back.

Two days later, Geoff the donkey died. No, I didn't kill it, I don't think it was global warming as well. Whatever, it was dead and with my limited knowledge on animals, I know it is going to stink in a few days time. According to the long list of laws on NSW, I am responsible to dispose the dead animal but also to adhere to 1001 regulations. Well so the first step is to move it out of the way from stock and vegetation. All these guidelines are very good at telling you what to do, but they forgot in reality it is not that easy. Firstly, the animal was effing heavy. Then while trying to drag it, its eyes fell out. And the effing crows came and fought to eat the fallen eyeballs. Gruesome side of nature. I am not ashamed to admit that I became revolting sick and the crows ate that too. By that time, a friend of mine came along with a forklift to lift it. One of its legs came apart.

So step two was to ring the vet to determine cause of death. This is to make sure that it was not some infectious and reportable disease. So the vet came, opened up the donkey, it was a heart attack. I asked about disposal. He said he could cremate Geoff at $1200. A candle will be lit in their chapel of remembrance. I am welcome to hold a memorial service for it, and then after the cremation, I would be handled back a box of its ashes with potpourri. There is already a problem with this. I don't have $1200. I don't think anyone would be interested to come for its memorial service. What am I supposed to do with a box of scented 'vacuum-cleaner' dust? The vet suggested that I rang the tip. The tip said they only do stock animals such as cattle, sheep, cows, not donkey. By that time, I felt so screwed up and I still have two halves of a dead donkey sitting behind the shed. I went home and looked up the whole bunch of rules on animal disposal. Thanks to my other half who pointed out that we cannot bury it because our land leads onto a water supply and its carcass poisons it. So the final decision was to burn it. At this point, I applauded at my genius mind. I watched Bear Gyrills so many times. It only takes patience and dry wood to start the fire. Of course, being NSW, you cannot just burn things even if it is on your property. You got to apply for fire permits and put a notice in the papers and inform your neighbours and your local fire department (run by volunteers). So the day after, I surrounded the donkey a nesting of wood chips, pour gasoline and lit it. All day, it spat and crackled and I was pretty pleased with myself. When the fire finally died, I inspected it. The effing animal was still intact, less its fur and an intestine spilling out! Mind you this was already day 4. After I finished with all the profanities, I rang my friend who then brought in the bull dozer the next morning to dig a trench, while I applied for another fire permit and newspaper notice. My logic was if the small fire didn't work, then a bigger fire was needed. Just before I started, I rang the local fire volunteer, who told me that they were all at the pub and too drunk to operate the fire truck. But he was to ring around to see if any mates would help. The undrunken mate turned up and was on stand by. Prior to his arrival, I had seasoned the corpse with my combustion concoction of diesel, engine oil and meths, and even sprinkled a bit of gunpowder. When I lit it, I thought I've gone too far. It didn't just catch fire, it exploded. But after a while, it burnt on nicely, and the undrunken mate kept it under control and steady. It smelt terrible.

And the final amount spent on all these? $120.

:-)

Dear Louise,

This post is incomplete without a picture of Geoff. Since I have watched my fair share of Happy Tree Friends, I am not exactly turned off by the description of your corpse disposal adventure. I am surprised though, that it took so much to burn a body. No wonder many murderers who tried disposing corpses ended up being caught. The difficulty of a proper disposal of a carcass is underestimated. Now that you mentioned it, I figured out half of the Neurotic Couple, S, is a volunteer at his local fire department. Perhaps he is working on getting to a position where he could sign his own approval to set fires. With the ability to burn corpse on his own terms, he is certainly not a man to be trifle with.

The tale of the runaway horse is something you will have to reflect on. You must have been treating the old master badly, it got pissed off and ran away. Riding for the disabled might have sound too boring as a job scope for this ambitious horse. Maybe you should make a gigantic wheel and get it to generate electricity for you by running on it. I just watched "The Matrix" over the weekend and it gave me bad ideas.

I like your $120 solution. Granted that $1200 could get you fancy value added services, I think it is important for migrants to understand that is a very cheap and a very expensive solution to every (well, most) problem(s) here. We cannot expect solutions to be served on a platter the way we are used to in Singapore. Often, we have to find out the options or even propose an idea. For example, trading in an unwanted used car with a car dealer may be a more efficient solution to dispose a car than to sell it privately when you need another car anyway. Just something a colleague recently did and got a great deal out of it (his car was actually faulty haha).

I still have some of your home made figs chutney. I am going to use a chunk of it on some grilled lamb tonight. Still feel bad about you having to send them over all the way from Temora.

Take care and hope to hear from you again,

asingaporeanson

I returned the next day to visit Jen and baby with an excited Albany. She was delighted to see Jen more than her little brother. She could not come to terms when Jen could not be discharged on the previous day and wailed all the way home in the car. This time, she kept asking if mummy could go home. I told her it depended on the doctor's decision but was hoping fervently for a favourable one myself. It hadn't been easy coping with Albany's reactions to her mum's hospitalisations of late. What triggered her fears was that evening where Jen was suddenly told that she had to be hospitalised due to a high GI count in her blood. Albany was inconsolable and virtually had to be dragged back home. I was glad all these were over.

We had been treated well just like 3 years ago when Albany was born there. We had no complains with the one-bedder ward given to Jen, completed with bathing facilities and a change table. Nappies were also provided for a quick change by the daddies. All babies were left with the mothers since there were born. There was no nursery rooms like those we were accustomed to in Singapore. The hospital encouraged maternal bonding right from the go and advocated skin-to-skin contact as well as breastfeeding. We thought that was the right way too.

I gave baby a quick wash before wrapping him up, all ready to go home. As expected he cried non stop during the bath. He did not have a loud voice like Albany but he was way more animated with his limbs. I changed Albany into her pajamas in case she fell asleep in the car. It was 7pm and I waited calmly for the doctor's decision. Jen might be held back because there was complications during Jen's epidural that caused headaches after her delivery. Fortunately, she was given the go. We told the good news and got ready to leave.

Jen waddled like a penguin but we made it to the hospital lounge. This time we were not surprised that we did not have to pay a single cent for her entire delivery (and prior check ups as well) but we were equally grateful like the first time we had Albany. The hospital also send a midwife for home visits at least 3 times to ensure mother and baby was well. A child health nurse would also visit a week after the midwife to do another check on us. We were given adequate information and support throughout. There were also toll-free lines to call for medical advice. I knew people who did not think much about Australia's medical system. Personally, I felt very satisfied with the medical system here.

When we came to Australia, there were two of us. Now we have four of us. It has been an incredible journey beyond my imagination. No doubt, harder days are to come. I foresee struggles to cope. I can't figure out any scenarios where Jen can return to her PT job. Until we think of something logistically and financially logical, Jen may have to give up on her job. That will be a pity because I could see she have been enjoying her work.

Meanwhile I have a baby to muse over. He looks quite similar to his sister when she was an infant. It still makes me smile whenever I see this photo.

The Kia Carnival Singaporean seller texted me on the evening of the first of November, "Hi, are you still interested in buying the car?" I hurriedly replied, "Not now bro, my wife is in labour."

I tried to be as calm as I could. Deep inside though, I was nervous, really nervous. I felt like a first-time dad. Technically, this was the first time we were going through a labour. It was an entirely different situation with Albany, who was overdue and we had to make an appointment to induce her birth. Back then, we walked into the hospital, hand in hand, without knowing what to expect. At least my wife could walk painlessly then. We could even make lame jokes to entertain ourselves.

This one was from far from the case. I noticed something not quite right during my dinner. After dinner, there were times she looked paralysed in her spot, oblivious to anything around her. "Is that it?" I asked her. "I think so," she replied.

I dashed out of house and drove straight to my colleague's place to pass him the keys to the factory. "I'm not going to work tomorrow. Be good," I told him and drove off. I informed the Grand Council about it, to get any advice that might come my way when I had the time to read it. By the time I reached home, Jen couldn't even stand straight. She usually had a good threshold for pain. It was the first time I saw her like that. There was times when she looked like she had fallen into coma in the car. I held her hand as I drove along my trusted ROE highway. It was a Sunday night, so I was mercifully given a clear traffic along Kwinana freeway all the way to the city. Before long, my twist and turns took us through Subiaco to King Edward Hospital.

Jen asked me to park the car nearby instead of dropping her at the entrance. "Can you walk?" She said she could but she might have to stop along the way. That happened exactly. We stopped about 3 times before making into the hospital. It was then I understood how the cycles of labour pains. We checked into the ward and was told that she could opt for an epidural when her cervical dilatation reaches 4 cm. It wasn't too long before the pains caused Jen to get into a state I couldn't recognise. As time went by, she did not want to talk anymore. As advised, we took a walk around the area in hope to quicken her dilatation. Each time the intense pain arrived she would lean onto me. Eventually, we returned to her bed because the pain was getting unbearable and started screaming for help.

"I didn't remember going through that much pain for Albany?" Jen wailed.

She was right. Jen had an epidural before they burst her water bag to induce labour back then. That didn't work out, put Albany into distress and had to be delivered through a Cesarean-section procedure. I didn't know why there was a need for a 4cm dilatation this time round before epidural could be applied. Was that the normal procedure when the mother opted for a natural birth? Too late to figure out such things. Jen was eventually given the epidural but only after some drama and an hour later. It made a world of difference and settled her down. I too, felt a weight off the shoulders temporarily.

I was given a mattress and was advised to get some sleep. "You will need it," said the midwife. So I did. 8 hours had already passed since Jen felt her first pains at home.

I woke up every hour or so when medical staff came into the room to check Jen's progress. It wasn't going well at all. She was stuck at a 6cm dilatation for many hours. The doctor commented that a C-sect was very much in their plans if that trend carried on for another hour. Then there was progress, slow but gradual. By 7am, Jen was congratulated by chirpy staff that she had achieved 10cm and could go through a natural birth. "Well done!" they chorused.

The baby was starting to show abnormalities. I hated that situation. Tried as I could but I couldn't help but worry excessively. They had to start the delivery about 30 minutes early to reduce the risk of distress. The delivery did not go well at all. Jen squeezed every ounce of strength in her but progress was very discouraging. Of course, I had to keep telling her every push was progressive to keep her going but in fact, she was going two steps forward and two steps back. It was inevitable she could run out of steam before long and the baby was moving towards the distress danger zone. It was one of those situation where I felt useless. I wanted to help but I couldn't do much to improve the situation. All I could do was to hold her legs to alleviate sores, soothe her and even use my hands to spread the exit. By then, Jen had already pushed for 1.5 hours and was clearly exhausted.

A doctor was called it to review the situation and make the best decision for us. It was 8.30 am, 15.5 hours had passed. I didn't know it was that hard. The doctor advised an assisted delivery by snipping open part of it and help Jen pull the baby by fixing a vacuum on baby's head. Before long, Jen was bleeding like a waterfall and was advised to give the best push she could because the vacuum could not even be applied without a minimum amount of surface area. The readings were not going well at all for baby. It did look very uncomfortable to have your head stuck like that. The vacuum was finally fixed and she started pulling at the same time Jen was pushing for her life. Baby's head finally cleared the passage. His head looked elongated by the pull but I was told his skull would get back to shape within 1-2 days. I gasped in relief but it wasn't over. The midwife pulled his head but didn't seem to be able to get him out. For a moment I was worried she would detach the baby's head from his body and urged Jen to expend whatever left in her in a final push.

Then baby was finally out.

I felt a sore nose and tears welled up my eyes. It was 9.05am in the morning. Jen closed her eyes and fell into a brief slumber while the doctor started stitching her wounds, which had created a small blood pool by then. Baby boy began to wail while being cleaned and checked. 16 hours. It wasn't easy at all. He weighed 3.56 kg, only 300 grams lighter than his sister at birth at 3.84kg but I thought he looked much thinner than Albany was. Later, I was told that he was quite "long" for a baby.

I was given the honour to cut his cord. By then Jen had recovered slightly to be able to open her eyes and embrace baby in her arms.

A Singaporean In Australia

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