Be Careful Where You Pop Your Sons

Brandon said spending two years doing national service would be difficult and pointless.

"I don't see the point of it, really. It's sort of a waste of time to go there and just come back anyway," he said.

Brandon said he does not speak Chinese, and as a New Zealand citizen he would be treated as an outsider.

After an initial three-month training period in which service personnel are housed and fed, they are then expected to find their own accommodation.

Although they receive a small monthly payment, it would not be enough to cover rent and food, and he would not want to impose on family, he said.

Under Singaporean law, Brandon cannot relinquish his citizenship until he is 21 years old.

An application to defer his national service until the age of 21 has been declined on numerous occasions, despite the Singaporean authorities granting his younger brother Kristen a deferment.

Eh, don't say force lah. Bloody teen! This is a very sincere invitation by the SAF because they see you up. Actually they want you to teach our strawberry ipad holding NSFs to do the Haka. The commanders are convinced after watching the World Cup winning All Blacks and want to integrate the Haka with our bayonet fighting routine. That will be so satki.

Do not worry about not being about to speak Chinese. The good news is, all the bodoh recruits spinning around like random coins during their early marching training actually understand Chinese. The bad news is, that is because military commands are given in Malay. So you need to understand both the Chinese and Malay language. On the bright side, your confinement and extra duties announcements will be announced in English. That will solve all your accommodation problems. No expensive rentals of HDB rooms. Free food, drinks, clothing and gym membership.

Other than introducing the Haka, your recruit is of paramount importance to the SAF. We want to add on to our melting pot of Ah Beng, Ahmad and Muthu by introducing Ah Tiong, Ah Neh, Pinoy. We can really do with some Kiwi in the mix. Henceforth, Singaporeans can no longer claim that NS is only for Singaporeans.

One of our esteemed ministers said, "NS is a privilege." Since you are so lucky to be born in Singapore, embrace your privilege, cut botak and join us. You teach us Haka, we teach you how to chao keng. Good deal ok!