How Good Must your Engrish be to Migrate to Australia?

Someone in the immigration department must have a fetish for Engrish. He or she must be one of those folks who get an orgasm during sex when the partner yell in Engrish. Otherwise, it doesn't explain the manner points are given out in the Points System migrants wannabes have to qualify for in order to move here.


Look at the profile of a successful applicant (need 60 points minimum to qualify for EOI)

Criteria

Points awarded


Age32           30

QualificationsDegree 15

Work experience    5 years10

EngrishSuperior20


Total75 points



I know superior Engrish is not easy to attain. You need to score an 8 in every category in IELTS to get the grade. But hello.... granting 20 points for superior Engrish and 15 points for a degree? Maybe the PAP is correct after all asking Singaporeans not to pursue a degree anymore! Might as well polish up your Engrish by working as a helpdesk getting fucked by customers everyday. Even if you are an 'O' level holder and get 0 points for academic qualifications, you still get 60 points being young enough, speaking purfect Engrish!


So after leaving secondary school, go and work as a car mechanic and do helpdesk PT during weekends lah. Or debate with the likes of Amos Yee so that you can sound good enough to satisfy the IELTS' examiners' fetish and grant you 20 points easy. By the time you are 32 years old, you have more than 10 years of skilled employment behind you to get 15 points! Plus your satki Engrish worth 20 points, you'll get 65 points in total. When you get your Oz PR, you can wave it at your well learned friends who cannot qualify for one because they chose to study HRM or Business or some hippy courses the PAP recommend and say, "Bo tak chek jin satki!"


So to assist you in understanding Engrish grading, here is a chart I did up

 
Vocational (Fucked up) Engrish (no points awarded)
Exam
Listening
Reading
Writing
Speaking
IELTS5555
TOEFL iBT441414
PTE Academic36363636
OETBBBB
Cambridge (CAE)154154154154

Competent Engrish (competent, but also no points awarded. wtf?!)

Exam
Listening
Reading
Writing
Speaking
IELTS6666
TOEFL iBT12132118
PTE Academic50505050
OETBBBB
Cambridge (CAE)169169169169

Proficient Engrish (10 points awarded)

Exam
Listening
Reading
Writing
Speaking
IELTS7777
TOEFL iBT24242723
PTE Academic65656565
OETBBBB
Cambridge (CAE)185185185185

Superior Fetish Worthy Engrish (20 points awarded)

Exam
Listening
Reading
Writing
Speaking
IELTS8888
TOEFL iBT28293026
PTE Academic79797979
OETAAAA
Cambridge (CAE)200200200200


Here, a menu in Engrish for you


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