If I Were Her......

If you are young, highly qualified, one of the most skillful and well spoken of in the industry, you won't need to worry about job hunting because the jobs will hunt you. How many of us fall into this category? 1 in a ten? 1 in a hundred? In this cruel world, most of us are ordinary. While the elites take the biggest slice of the pie, most of us will be scavenging for scraps. Let's face it, it's either you're good or you're crap. There isn't much room in between.

For an employer to shortlist candidates among a pile of CVs is quite a tricky job. I know a friend in HR who admitted they used to take the smallest numbers from the latest toto winning set and pull out the respective resumes among the pile. So if you are pretty good but have almost no working experience, sometimes you just need a little bit of luck. I don't supposed you will want to highlight your inexperience in your cover letter and admit you are shit. The purpose of your cover letter is to get you an interview. Your job in the interview is to convince the employers to he or she will never regret hiring you. We are talking about an entry level job here, not an application to be a fighter jet pilot, fucktard.

Judy told me Patrick gave her a detailed outline of how he writes his cover letters. He does not only highlight his strengths but do it in highly illustrated details that catch potential employers' attention. As a result, his resume sending/interviews hits are quite high. He is convinced it works. I am convinced too. However, Judy told me she had difficulties doing that because she has no achievement whatsoever in baking. It is not as if she baked a Guinness World Record longest Baguette shaped like a Merlion's penis. She is an ordinary baking student with a little more passion than the others. That's all. Does that mean she shouldn't be getting a job? Well, if you think all chiobus must be attached and married, you are wrong. Likewise, all plain Janes will not be doomed to the shelf and quite the opposite so. As the gamblers say, "The ball is round." As long as you try your guts out, there is always a chance.

The other day I was telling Judy if she struggle so much in writing a cover letter and stop trying altogether, nothing is going to happen. No amount of hoping, praying or crying can change that. The only way is to get out there and bang on the doors. Door to door. Robert went around the restaurants in Melbourne doing that, got invited for a meal at one and was hired for his job. What is the worst that can happen? Losing some weight? If no one is free to entertain, drop a cover letter. Forget about the CV. We have nothing much to write on that CV anyway, why force it?

Look, our sole purpose is to get the calls. Then you can tell the interested ones your grandmother stories in the interview. All we need is a damn cover letter. Do it and start scattering them around town. We want a cover letter that is not going to the bin straightaway, or worst, not being pursuasive enough to be printed out. I told Judy my idea the other day. It was rough and I volunteer to write or refine but I need someone who is good in design to help spruik it up. Maybe Angie? But I am tired tonight, that's the best draft I can do. Not the most original but.... 

My Cover Letter, if I were her.....

I know it's ugly but I used MS fucking Paint so give me a break


  1. If I were a bakery manager I will call Judy in for a chat based on that cover letter.

  2. You used MS paint to do that? That's amazing! -Yijun

  3. Brilliant Cover Letter...I love it!!

  4. Brilliant Cover letter... I love it!!!