How to Kill a Scorpion

I killed a scorpion 5 minutes ago and boy, it took me more than I thought I needed to. Jen interrupted my computer time with a serious tone and I dragged myself over unwillingly to see what was it. Hmm, a smallish scorpion resting along skirting of the floor, probably taking a break from the freezing cold outside.

Unfortunately, this wasn't a shelter for freezing insects especially an insect that had a bad reputation in the place I grew up in though we didn't see a single one in our entire lives. Fortunately this one was too small and probably too cold, to be nimble enough to look for a hiding place. Not that it had the time to.

I did a decent leap and caught the brandless insecticide that I stocked up sometime ago. I called out to Jen that, "That was what I bought this for!" Good training during my beach volleyball days in Singapore. I kept it a bit too high up the shelves and that stretched my brittle cold tight muscles a bit during the leap. Anyway, small scorpion soon received a bile bath. It curled its tail in appreciation and stayed still covered with foam. Guessed I used a bit too much of insecticide.

With very thick newspapers, I smacked on the scorpion and sandwiched it hard. I didn't want to risk tasting a sting attack by an agitated half dead scorpie drunk with insecticide. I crushed it hard while I was holding it and dumped it in the waste bin. Surprisingly, the newspaper unwrapped soon showed me scorpion wasn't dead after all. It was still waving its tail around and it kinda pissed me off. I gassed it again. This time it stayed still. I decided that there was no place for it, winter night or not and dumped it into my big bin outside and shut the lid tight. That should do it.

For those Singaporeans who are new to this, here is my little guide to kill a scorpion. You'll need it.

Things you need:

1) A scorpion
2) A pair of feet in steel plated heels boots
3) A sledgehammer
4) Pesticide
5) A cat or chicken
6) Hard striking surface

Method A - Commando
Don't use your hands to deal with a scorpion, you may get stung. Don't use a barefoot on one either, you will definitely get stung. But with a safety boots with a steel heel (I don't know who has one of those except for ex-NPCC folks), it is actually a good idea and it increased your attacking rating from -75% penalty to a modest +15% physical.

Wear NPCC boots. Place one foot over scorpion and stomp hard once. You should expect to hear a crisp sound. You are doing it right. If not, tough luck the scorpion has escaped and keep your fingers crossed it will not choose to be your companion during the night. (More on that later)

Do not remove your attacking foot yet because a scorpion has the ability to flatten itself to minimise your attack significantly. i.e. it will not die. Steady your support foot and do a good hard twist on the ground. You know how the rugby players do that stupid turn to make a hold in the field to place their almond ball vertical? Do that. It's silly I know but it works.

Level: Beginner
Time required: Short
Cost and effort: Minimal (if you already own NPCC boots)

Method B: Chemical Ah Beng
Hold insecticide in master hand. Make sure nozzle is not aimed at your own face and towards scorpion. Press nozzle and hold it for 5 seconds. Wait for scorpion's turn to attack with swinging tail. Dodge the attack as formality and execute the second part of this Twin Gas Attack. It should be done deal. Else, perform another Twin Gas Attack until scorpion perished.

Level: Advance
Time required: Long
Cost and effort: Minimal

Method C - Thorifying blow
Using a sledge hammer, aim well and strike hard on scorpion. Make sure strike is on a hard surface, or scorpion ability will buffer most of the impact and survive.

Level: Expert
Time required: Very short
Cost and effort: Low cost but high strength and accuracy ratings prerequisites applies

Method D - Summon allies
I read somewhere cats and chickens are natural predators of scorpion. So if you have one of these in handy, get them to face off scorpion.

Level: Grandmaster
Time required: Depending on the hunger level of the chosen predator.
Cost and effort: Moderate

Bonus information:
Scorpions are said to glow in the dark. So if you have black light or if you missed the target and let it slip in a failed NPCC stomp, you have a second chance to put things right. When you spot one glowing in the dark, repeat your preferred method and finish the business off. Just make sure it wasn't your husband wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom.


  1. Somewhere there is a connection between the hydra story and this scorpion. So how much gold did the hero receive in this battle?

  2. Scorpions are edible and good for the liver.
    next time maybe use a thong to grab it and fry it in hot oil ... hahah

  3. Creatures get resistant to chemicals used to kill them.
    So for example, mozzies (mosquitoes) eventually learn to enjoy drinking the bug spray that killed them dead (yes, yes, of course they're dead when killed: blame the silly advertisement slogan).

    Stomping them (not quite flat) is no guarantee that they perish.
    Cockroaches for example can regrow legs that get ripped off — and even survive without a head!

    I would suggest, from my meagre experience in the household:

    - use only enough chemical spray to delay and distress (the pest of course, not the spouse and kids), and not have fun spray-painting the walls, floors and ceilings;

    - squash and then thoroughly CRUSH, and hope they don't come back to life again;

    - dispose way away from everyone, especially the children, for you don't want them crawling back to share your bed again (if not tonight, then some day soon).


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