One of the Many Untold Stories of the Obnoxious Overseas Singaporeans Unit (OSU) (and their cronies)

Satki Yoda
28 September 2015

No, despite the clickbait-like title, this is not some fucking stupid meaningless buzzfeed "listicle" or "testicle" or whatever you call it. 

Instead, I realized in this few weeks why living overseas really opens your eyes to be able to analyse the behaviour of people and understand, or continue to be completely mystified, at the things some people do, and learn something new about why people are assholes everyday. In fact, despite my satki office job which allows me to interact with satki people with satki sounding titles (I have satki office job title myself), and of course my satki black vios, I thought I was quite exposed to the type of retarded behaviour people can come up with. 

Today, I finally understood why most Singaporeans find that OSU and anything related to Singapore clubs funded from the little island state is full of shit and generally avoided by the plague. It is because the people who surround these things are usually attention and authority craving people who are so full of themselves they have their heads up their ass. And really, there is no difference between being a student, a working adult, or even a old duck going into retirement soon so you can shove your "REAL WORLD EXPERIENCE" up your ass. Assholes are assholes. 

So obviously, with the whole Singapore wetting their panties over SG50 and trying to outdo themselves in heaping praise on the Great Leader and how far Singapore has come since it was a fucking imaginary fishing village blah blah blah, we had the standard "all the Singaporeans gathering for National Day because we have nothing better to do on a weekend and we have no other friends anyway" gathering of Singaporeans. 

Now you must understand the makeup of the small town I am in is quite different from your typical Australian capital city with all its chiobu xmm students who seem to have spent all their money on their international school fees and eating at expensive brunch cafes so they can take their instagrams that they have problems affording enough cloth on their clothes, but anyway that is another story. Most of the people here are either working, or married a local and thus moved here so our gatherings, for the better, are usually more diverse in terms of cultural makeup because people drag their bored local partners to these things so they can sit there and pretend to be interested in durian or char kway teow or something, drink beer, and sit in a corner and improve their candy crush score. 

But anyway, cynicism aside, by far and large, most of these locals are genuinely interested in the Singapore culture and genuinely try to integrate and understand the different culture (which is why they married a Singaporean in the first place because if they just wanted a fuck they could go to Geylang or Clarke Quay or something), so it really is up to Singaporeans to respond to what is usually an initiative to integrate with your culture, etc. Because face it, as much as you try to mispronounce your words and tell people how many fucking years you've been here, no, you're still not Austraaaaaaalian - people still identify proudly with their Greek, Pacific Islander etc roots so there is really no reason why we shouldn't proudly identify with our Singaporean roots as much as we hate the fucking PAP and the shit Singaporeans spew sometimes. 

So, let me get to the crux of the story after my longwinded (but deep and meaningful) rant. Mr Beer, as i shall call him, is not Angmoh but is from a neighbouring country and has lived here for decades, is married to a Singaporean Auntie and they organized this party, cooking all the food and pretty much doing all the fucking work so the rest of the Singaporeans can chiong and da pao the food and stand around comparing whose lives, cars, houses and jobs are better. 

So when Ms Politician, who has been trying to suck up to the OSU and prides herself as the unofficial ambassador, decided to take a group photo of the event, she decided to announce that "only Singaporean nationals in the photo". Obviously Mr Beer was fucking insulted, and to the credit of the rest, nobody took it lying down during our AAR (After Action Review). 

When questioned, she claimed it was because the photo was for the OSU. Are you fucking stupid or what? You mean on my face got write "SINGAPOREAN CITIZEN" one ah? Another obvious hole in the story was that the other non Singaporean in the photo was a Malaysian doctor Ms Politician was trying desperately to angkat bola. 

Also, the pathetic NDP goodie bags with the cheap plasticky shit were "reserved" for her friends and she wanted them back after we used them as props for our photos. Thanks for reminding us what Singapore is about! 

It always befuddled me what people who crave authority approval think they will get out of carrying the balls of people they perceive to be important, just like those people who try to outdo themselves proclaiming how great our PAP leaders are, etc, trying to get attention etc.Unless you are actually a paid PAP IB (And i hear the market rate these days isn't that great either) these actions actually make those people lose respect for you - they aren't that dumb either. 

Also, this gives us some insight into the reason why some people always complain that angmoh countries are racist, elitist and exclusive. Because you, in the first place, have a fucking colonial hangover and are racist, elitist and exclusive yourself, and most of the times, your Angmoh lords can see it themselves and tell you to fuck off. Thats karma, how is it like being on the other side of the fence?

Satki Yoda

1 comment:

  1. Thank you Satki for writing from the future 28 September 2015, but do you really think there are many SG girls who can be called chiobu? Unless your standard is kanasai....

    Jokes aside, I will never be so lonely that I will want to attend an OSU related function, much less see SGs Ta pao food home?....