Australia Day 2015

It's my fourth Australia Day in Perth.

If anyone tells you Perth is dead, ask them to stick around during the evening on Australia Day in the city. However, don't you expect to see marching contingents and shiny tanks rolling across a parade square. The people here would rather break flag waving records after their barbie sessions. The finale of the night will be something we are both familiar and unfamiliar with - a magnificent fire works display.

I beg your pardon? Don't we have fire works at the end of every NDP in Singapore as well? Most definitely. Magnificent display? Only if you consider random pyrotechnics spamming magnificent. Else, you will enjoy one of these here on Australia Day. Think the fireworks version of a musical fountainesque display. I could only catch this year's on the TV, since my daughter needed to be in bed by the time. It already looked the deal, so just imagine how enjoyable the 'live' show would be. Trust me, it wouldn't be the mass farting we usually get back home. It attracted more than 300,000 spectators for a good reason.

Talking about sleepy dead towns, I always felt reluctant to debunk the myth. Not that I'm actually influential enough to inspire Singaporeans to move to Perth if I try, it's still better to play it safe. The roads seem a lot more lively than it was when I first came and I don't really appreciate it. We could do with less Singaporeans in Perth. Our friends in Melbourne and Sydney will welcome as many Singaporeans as possible so those are the places to go obviously. I should start posting up kangaroos attacking random people at suburbs to scare them off Perth. After all, Canningvale can only hold that many Singaporeans. The rest will have to sell their souls to reside in one of the golden triangle suburbs north across the highway. So if you are a Singaporean looking to migrate to Australia, as the rule of thumb, move to Melbourne and Sydney. Won't go wrong bro. At least you won't get punched by a random kangaroo to further bruise those Monday blues.

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