No More Drunken Masters in Singapore

Remember this? When whatever organizing committee decided to show Prince William and his lovely wife a typical Singaporean life when as he strolled through a random recreation ground in Queenstown, they should have include a Drunken Master right besides the Taichi Master. After all, our government seems to imply that normal Singaporeans do Taichi at work and get ourselves pissed drunk after work - from what I read about the latest bill in Parliament to be passed. Someone was kind enough to summarise the new laws in a neat little chart as shown below.

Source: Ministry of Home Affairs - Messing with your home affairs for 50 years

After being away from Singapore for 3 years, I felt Singapore gradually drifting away from my reality. I couldn't have put that into words better than the way Captain S had described his feelings. However as the founder of Singaperth, a support group for Singaporeans or ex-Singaporeans residing in Perth, I feel it is my responsibility to inform some of the folks there who may be as clueless as me with Singapore's hmm... progress. It is going to be a sad thing to hear from the next guy returning from his Singapore visit about how he was fined when he walked past the Neighbourhood Police Post bua long long with a ginger beer in his hands at 12 am in the morning. I was just kidding of course. NPPs doesn't open at 12 am anymore, ever since some police top guy found out that criminals actually sleep at night like the rest of us.

You know, I kinda suspect this new bill has something to do with the Little India Riot which taken place sometime last year. Though it was one of those once-in-a-50-year event, I almost forgot about that incident until my new Singaporean colleague, Wee Tuck, reminded me of it recently. He was still in Singapore during that fateful night to witness how a police commander froze in his plain clothes. Wee Tuck's ambition was to become a policeman but he wasn't accepted into the force because of his education level. He was confident that he could handle the riot much better than the frozen commander and even told me his strategy. I shall spare you the details but it sounds like if Wee Tuck part of the anti-riot police that evening, there will be no new anti-alcohol bills to worry about. The parliament may just have enough time to handle other things, perhaps, such as helping more people to have three meals in the hawker centre.

Anyway, from the looks of it, the outcome of the investigation was not to beef up an impressive, responsive and capable anti-riot squad but to prevent the possibility of future riots - by making sure people do not get drunk - by making sure people consume alcohol only within licensed premises such s restaurants, coffee shops or bars. I guess the authorities gathered that it is better for Drunken Masters to flip tables in coffee shops than to flip police cars on the road. So, don't be too quick to dismiss the new Act. It is obvious that much thought has been put into it, by some of our greatest minds no less.

Since it is certain that alcohol can turn normal Singaporeans into Super Saiyan Drunken Masters, it is worrying that the new law does not prevent people to consume alcoholic grog at 8am in the morning. There is a high possibility that such an honest mistake can cause another full blown tumult, since Singapore's morning traffic on itself is already causing random sane people to tear their hair out on daily basis. With alcohol, the limits are horrific to imagine. How about stamping out dangerous Aunties who have been teaching ordinary folks like me that beer is 'liang' and can cool down our bodies like liang teh? The unbearably hot Singapore weather will no doubt tempt potential rioters to down a few pints during lunch time. So dangerous Singapore, so dangerous these days. Too many unprotected crevices.

I say, it's time to ban alcohol totally. When I was young, I heard rumors that chewing gum used to cause riots....


  1. If you ever wonder whether some Singaporeans live in reality, maybe try reading this ST forum letter

    Youth Forum
    PUBLISHED ON DEC 31, 2014 1:24 AM 4319 341 0 0

    Say 'thank you' to NS recruits

    I AM a 20-year-old who is undergoing Basic Military Training (BMT).

    Most of us know someone who has been through BMT, but not all of us know the hardships they face.

    We often hear their funny anecdotes and stories, but we do not hear of the homesickness, lack of sleep and exhaustion.

    Before enlistment, I was guilty of viewing national service recruits who took seats on public transport with contempt, wondering why strong young men needed seats.

    Now that I have enlisted, I realise how much they need a rest.

    Life for a recruit is tough - and gets tougher by the day.

    Society can afford to show more support. So go ahead, make our day. Let us know you are grateful for our sacrifice.

    Next time you see a recruit with a field pack, go up to him and thank him for serving the nation. Even better, give up your seat to him so he can get some rest before another tiring week.

    Goh Wei Hao, 20, full-time national serviceman

    - See more at:

    1. I know times have changed but this is getting to be a bit too much.