A Singaporean In Australia

Someone in the immigration department must have a fetish for Engrish. He or she must be one of those folks who get an orgasm during sex when the partner yell in Engrish. Otherwise, it doesn't explain the manner points are given out in the Points System migrants wannabes have to qualify for in order to move here.

Look at the profile of a successful applicant (need 60 points minimum to qualify for EOI)

Criteria		Points awarded
Age	32	30
Qualifications	Degree	15
Work experience	5 years	10
Engrish	Superior	20
	Total	75 points

I know superior Engrish is not easy to attain. You need to score an 8 in every category in IELTS to get the grade. But hello.... granting 20 points for superior Engrish and 15 points for a degree? Maybe the PAP is correct after all asking Singaporeans not to pursue a degree anymore! Might as well polish up your Engrish by working as a helpdesk getting fucked by customers everyday. Even if you are an 'O' level holder and get 0 points for academic qualifications, you still get 60 points being young enough, speaking purfect Engrish!

So after leaving secondary school, go and work as a car mechanic and do helpdesk PT during weekends lah. Or debate with the likes of Amos Yee so that you can sound good enough to satisfy the IELTS' examiners' fetish and grant you 20 points easy. By the time you are 32 years old, you have more than 10 years of skilled employment behind you to get 15 points! Plus your satki Engrish worth 20 points, you'll get 65 points in total. When you get your Oz PR, you can wave it at your well learned friends who cannot qualify for one because they chose to study HRM or Business or some hippy courses the PAP recommend and say, "Bo tak chek jin satki!"

So to assist you in understanding Engrish grading, here is a chart I did up

 

Exam	Listening	Reading	Writing	Speaking
IELTS	5	5	5	5
TOEFL iBT	4	4	14	14
PTE Academic	36	36	36	36
OET	B	B	B	B
Cambridge (CAE)	154	154	154	154

Competent Engrish (competent, but also no points awarded. wtf?!)

Exam	Listening	Reading	Writing	Speaking
IELTS	6	6	6	6
TOEFL iBT	12	13	21	18
PTE Academic	50	50	50	50
OET	B	B	B	B
Cambridge (CAE)	169	169	169	169

Proficient Engrish (10 points awarded)

Exam	Listening	Reading	Writing	Speaking
IELTS	7	7	7	7
TOEFL iBT	24	24	27	23
PTE Academic	65	65	65	65
OET	B	B	B	B
Cambridge (CAE)	185	185	185	185

Superior Fetish Worthy Engrish (20 points awarded)

Exam	Listening	Reading	Writing	Speaking
IELTS	8	8	8	8
TOEFL iBT	28	29	30	26
PTE Academic	79	79	79	79
OET	A	A	A	A
Cambridge (CAE)	200	200	200	200