A Singaporean In Australia

If you ever want to build your own pavement at home, you may want to pick up some tips here. This is something even Marilyn cannot help you, so pay attention here. As you can see from the above picture, some trench digging experience during the BMT will go a long way. So any Singaporean son shouldn't have problems dealing with this. Yes, even the chao keng clerks. 

After living in Perth for 5 years, one thing never changed. Singapore will always have a special place in my heart. I feel bad though, because Perth has treated me rather well. To illustrate, after my last post, a petrol kiosk I drove past dropped their fuel to $0.0, free for me, as if to show me what they meant by REAL service. That was awfully amazing, I have to say I was almost swayed. Unfortunately, there was still no attendant assigned at the station to fill up for me. You know, like how they do it in Singapore, by giving our elderly the chance to exercise. When one of the uncles called out to me cheerfully and asked, "What you want to pump, Sir?" I felt upper class. Singapore just have the knack to make us feel at home.

Now that reminds me, I can't fathom why the folks employed to clear our plates in the Perth foodcourts are young and fit people. Our great leader PM Lee said Singaporeans are unwilling to take up such jobs in Singapore. As such, those vocations have been outsourced to either foreign workers or the PA Fit Club for the elderly. With a population of just 1.8 million in Perth, it is a shocker that I still see some of the local Aussies taking up these jobs. It doesn't make sense. It can only mean one thing, Australia is not as First World as Singapore. 

To comfort ourselves, Singaporeans in Perth tend to seek solace in the comfort of their houses. The common 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a double garage sitting on 450 sqm of freehold land on the median price of $500,000 seems more than adequate to mend the morale. Alas, after finding out this kind of money was only used to build a bin centre in Singapore, smaller than the garage where I park my satki Honda Jazz, I just can't feel upper class here anymore. I am contemplating moving back to live in a more expensive DBSS or EC to get the vibes back.

Winter days in Perth have been challenging. We have frost for a couple of mornings and thick fog occasionally. I debated with myself which is the greater evil. The fog in Perth and haze in Singapore. In the end, I tipped it towards the fog because for haze, I could wear a mask and pretend I cannot respond when strangers in Perth start chatting me up again. If only we have that annual haze festival in Perth. Oh well, I can't expect anywhere else to be perfect like Singapore. It is a paradise after all. Perth comes close, but not quite.

Spring is coming soon. I told Judy I would take her to view wildflower fields growing in the ... hmm ... wild. You know, those acres of land with no end in sight full of flowers. Down at Serpentine, you have a natural waterfall. Further down south, you have a Red Tingle tree forest, that holds giant vintage trees, one at 24 metres, the largest, living, girthed eucalypt known in the world. These will be fantastic to explore in early Spring, where the day temperature will be in low 20s and lots and lots more. Before I got carried away, Judy reminded me there is the billion dollar garden that has giant trees, flowers all over, an indoor waterfall all in a comfortable air conditioner setting. It costs only 1 billion dollars to built that but since it is a one-stop-for-all, Gardens by the Bay is well worth it. That way, Singaporeans can experience Perth without boarding a plane. Brilliant!

My friend Faruk told me he felt more racism during his days in Singapore than Melbourne, where he is living now. How is that possible? I wonder what Faruk have been smoking. Just the other day, the courier driver I met exclaimed, "Your English is really good mate! Where are you from?" So racist. Can't a non-white be decent at speaking English? Last week my Aussie neighbour knocked on my door with a wide grin and introduced himself. He told me he was sweeping up sand on the street abutting our houses and offered to sweep the sand on my side too. So racist. Did he think I was a sick man of south-east Asia? I told him I would join him to clean the street up to challenge his white superiority. I ended the clear winner with 3 wheelbarrows to 1. Take that. Now who is the hard Yakka, mate? Back in Singapore, I never feel any racism before as a Chinese and we have racial harmony day in schools.

Ever since the AUD began to fall, I haven't slept well for months. At this rate, I won't even be able to afford to send my parents to JB when the time comes. Since Marilyn is stuck in Singapore, I have to eat out and boy, the meals in Perth are bloody expensive! Gone were the good ol' days where I could sing my favourite national day song Count Money, Singapore. That feeling when the cute Indian girl in front turned around when I belted out the "Count money to buy the best of all!" part was unforgettable. She looked kinda annoyed, I still wonder why. 

Oddly enough, the Aussie blokes never panic about anything. "No worries, mate!" they said. Really? Not even when more Singaporeans are flooding into Australia every year? The nerve. They wear the same kind of work wear everyday and don't give a shit about what bling watch I wear or the brand of my shoes. They bring their lunch boxes to work and wolf it up during the 30 minutes lunch break, work hard and knock off on the dot. They don't give a shit how much my daughter scored in her Mathematics exams too, because there are no exams in Primary Schools here. I almost feel absolutely no pressure to keep up with the Jones here but as a Singaporean, I have to make sure the spurs are continuously stuck into my hide so as not to let my countrymen and our founding father down. I love these Aussie blokes but business is business mate.

Last week, the HR manager came up to me and told me, "Hey, you've gotta clear up some leave y'know." Talking about that, during my job interview I was told by my boss I was entitled "1 month's annual leave." Needless to say, I was delighted. So, imagine how cheated I felt when I found out it actually meant 20 days of annual leave instead of 30 days because "I only work 20 days a month." That was pure dishonesty. Also, I was told that sick leave is termed "personal leave" here. We can take personal leave as sick leave, as well as attending to other family related reasons, such as taking kids to the doctor, accompanying the wife to the gynae or taking her car to the mechanic. My company told me we are not required to produce an MC for a 1 day sickie. Some companies are okay with no MC for 2 days. That sounds okay to me, until I found that we are only given 10 days of personal leave. Compared to 14 days of sick leave in Singapore, that is robbery!

A few years ago, my friend Grace, who is a nurse, bid me goodbye before she went on a long holiday. I asked her, "How the heck can you go away for an entire month?" She told me it was her long service award and explained to me under the Long Service Leave Act in WA, an employee working in the same business for 10 years of continuous employment will be entitled 8 weeks paid leave. For every 5 years of continuous employment working in the same business after the initial 10 years, she will be entitled 4 paid leave. All these are too confusing to me. I prefer the down-to-earth approach in Singapore of 14 days AL and 14 days MC, never mind how often it took me more than 2 hours in a polyclinic to get my MC, leaving me just half a day to nurse that raging fever. They were already nagging at me to clear my annual leave, imagine the noise if I make it to long service leave. I don't just need a mask, get me some ear plugs too.

When I was unemployed for 8 months in Singapore, I sat along Clarke Quay one day watching the Singapore River. The river was constantly flowing and reflected the morning sun beautifully back at me. I wondered if I would ever find something better than that. The Swan River of Perth is a long one that divides Perth by the north and south, leading to the Indian Ocean at the mouth. According to Patrick who jogs along the river in his earlier years here, dolphins can be spotted swimming along as he jogs and gave full praise. Oh come on, we can see dolphins at the amazing Universal Studios in Singapore, captive and available any time. Nobody has time to wait for random dolphins wading by. Besides, I have yet to see a single tourist boat or Duck Ride along Swan River. It is breathtakingly peaceful but where is the vibrancy? You know, the waving tourists used to cheer me up a little during my unemployment in Singapore. They should spend 3 million dollars to rename Singapore River as The River of Hope.


Perth gives me weird vibes and that begins on television. Where are the weight-loss or hair growth advertisements? I've yet to see a single one in 5 years. Where are the bright kids who scored 298 for PSLE after drinking some chicken essence introduced to every Singaporean in the bus stops? As I learn about Perth, I found more shocking facts about the people here. When they buy their cars, boats, outdoor pizza stoves, they do not post pictures on Facebook! If people do not worry about their appearance, brag about their kids and material gains to friends, how do you feel the prosperity and progress of our society? All they have left is happiness, which is just not good enough.

With my life expectancy projected by the Singapore government, I should be still alive by the time we celebrate SG100. I wouldn't miss that for anything. In fact, I will be spending the next 49 years in Perth creating 100 handcrafted limited edition SG100 tissue paper so that I can bring them along with me, with my DIY wheelchair built with the tools I got from Bunnings. I'll be careful to set aside the nominal fee of $866.00 (corrected for 49 years of inflation) for my annual licence to sell tissue paper on the street. 

I know exactly where I would like to peddle my exquisite SG100 tissue paper - at the River of Hope, where the river always flow.

I am a living Singaporean in Perth. There you are, getting all ready to celebrate SG51 back home. That makes me miss home so much. Home, like they say, is the sweetest. Especially when I have a home like Singapore, where the river always flow and the place I won't be alone. I miss strangers rubbing shoulders with me virtually every second once I get out from my cosy HDB flat, which I spent $50,000 on renovations but none of my friends were too keen to visit me as often as I prefer, much to my annoyance. 

In Perth, I hardly see anyone out there. And when I do, they greet me most of the time. Yes strangers! Doing that to me. How creepy. It is tiring how I have to analyse their agendas that I have yet to find. I wish they will leave me alone. I don't have the chance to display my Singaporean graciousness by giving up seats in the morning train because there are enough for everyone. When there isn't, someone will do it faster than me. Damn these Aussies, aren't they supposed to be slow and slack?

Unlike life in Singapore, I have to do everything myself here. How hateful. How can they call themselves a "first world" where we virtually have no access to a full time, live-in slave maid helper. A day time helper will have cost me a bomb, much less a stay-in one. I miss Marilyn. I wish I can bring her over to Perth, to cook, clean and take care of my kids for me. Like the good ol' days in Singapore. Or even better, I can tell her she don't even need the off day each month here, since there are not much humans to meet up with. She can help me tend to my garden during her off day. I can't understand why Australia must implement the minimum wage laws. Like what PM Lee said, minimum wage hurts the economy. Look how Australia is suffering now and people like me are suffering too. If there is no way I can hire someone for $450 a month here, how can I feel upper class?

One of the things that is starting irk me is car ownership. I have a Honda Jazz that I bought for $3900 at 110k mileage. I thought it looked great when I bought it and it runs really well. I used to drive a Renault Kangoo in Singapore and thought a Honda Jazz would be a decent upgrade. Oppa upper class now, bro! Unfortunately, all the Singaporeans I met drive better cars than me. ALL of them. One of them, Micky of Southern River, just came over last weekend and showed me his brand new Subaru Outback. My neighbour Patrick and Stephen Thng of Aubin Grove both drive brand new Volkswagen Golfs, which they paid 6 times more than my car. Thus, nobody gives a shit about my Honda Jazz. To make things worse, we are not required to scrap them by their 10th year. So those cars will be ours to keep for life, if they last that long. I sure hope my friends' car don't. Imagine the lifetime humiliation I have to suffer.

I hate the fact I have to fuel up on my own at petrol kiosk. There are no attendants to do it for me like how it was in Singapore. Not a single kiosk in Perth understands customer service. Never mind the last tank I filled with unleaded 95 was $1.01/L. I rather pay $1.90/L for real service.

Perth's less haste, more speed situation on the highway is hazardous. Driving at a constant 100km/h to work every morning is dangerous. One mistake and I will never be able to return home to Stand Up for Singapore. I miss the days when we were travelling at 30km/h on the AYE. It was an every day business to honk at each other, our own endearing way to acknowledge one another for being upper class. Look at the atmosphere on the MRT every morning. Everyone looks like a dead man walking, except for the days when the Transport Minister decided to take the train. The Minister set a good example and lifts morale like a shiny beacon but common Singaporeans just cannot emulate that when the Minister stops taking train the next day. Classic meritocracy in action. We have to keep working hard and we will get there.

The education system here is dire. Most of the public schools have only 2 classes per level. There are not morning assembly like how we do it in Singapore, to fortify our national pride by having the discipline master make us sing the Nation Anthem until we did it loud enough. Schools here, in contrast, feel sparse and cold. It feels so quiet that I don't even know it is a school day. Damn. That can get me fined for driving more than 40km/h along school zones. As I mentioned earlier, it is dangerous to drive in Perth. As long as you live within the school zones of public schools, they have to create a class for your kids if their current classes are full. Without the balloting process we do to get our kids into schools in Singapore, it feels so empty when we get enrolled. The other parents are almost zombie-like, with the bo chup attitude. In all fairness, I cannot blame them. The euphoria and adrenaline rush that the balloting system brings is missing.

One thing I can never get over with is that the Aussies make their kids go to bed at 7.30pm! Even on television programs, they play "Good night! See you in the morning!" skits at 7pm everyday to convenience the parents to shoo their kids to bed. Incredulous. How can kids learn anything by sleeping so early? Don't they have homework to do? It is no wonder our education system is far superior than the Australian one. Our children are far ahead because we work our kids overtime every day, preparing them for the real working world out there, where it is common to work more than 12 hours a day. Aussie kids are in for a shocker when they start to work. Hmm. Come to think of it, we don't work overtime here and knock off on time nearly all the time. Perhaps not.

Without Marilyn, it is impossible to keep our houses here spick and span. I don't understand why Singaporeans are so obsessed with landed properties. For the price of a 5 room flat in Sinapore, we get a good size freehold landed property here. It feels good for a day until I realise the amount of gardening, weeding and cleaning I have to do. It is atrocious. It is far easier to pay conservancy rates and get our foreign workers to sweep up the corridor of our HDB flats. No hussy fussy. The easy access to a double garage where I park my satki Honda Jazz makes me put on weight. Yeah, on the bright side, I enjoy free parking here but I would rather pay $120 a month to park my car on the top level of my MSCP so that I get my daily exercise by walking up many flights of stairs to the top. The morning exercise used to wake my mind up and kept me sharp for the day. The reason why my car was parked at the top was that there were no parking lots by the time I got back from work, which worked well for me.

I kinda miss those iconic ERP gantries along any route I chose to go to work. Yeah, I don't enjoy paying fees but that is the only way to filter out the pretenders. Making it expensive will weed out the undeserving car owners in Singapore. I will vote for ERP gantries in Perth if I have the chance. That will also slow the cars down a little, which makes the roads safer, since we tend to do that when we ensure our cashcard is firmly slotted in.

Perth will never feel like home because of the four seasons we have to deal with through the year. Singapore offers security and stability in every sense. Our government makes sure of that. Their prowess probably ensure we have a consistent climate throughout the year too. We have sunny, rainy and fear. It is predictable and safe unlike in Perth. Just a couple of weeks ago, we experienced the coldest day in 4 years at 0.7°C in the wee hours. In Autumn, we have low 20s in the afternoon. The only time I can make use of my expensive air conditioner to cool the house is that miserable 3 months of Summer, when it feels more like home.

The sky is blue all the time here. There is not much variation. Pretty cool ocean with clear panoramic views and not a single ship in the horizon but there are sharks. At least I wouldn't lose a leg by wading through the murky waters along Singapore coastline. There are so many unknown beaches where I found myself having an entire white beach for myself here. Where is the vibrancy? Why aren't they attracting tourists to litter the place so that more jobs can be created? 

I can't imagine why there are BBQ pits in almost every park in Perth, free for the public to use. No bookings are required because, perhaps, of the very low population density. That may be why Singaporeans find Perth boring. You can never get the same vibrancy and vibes of a world class city like Singapore without human beings. Why are the BBQ pits free to use? Is that where my high tax goes to? Free medical, family tax benefits, societal safety nets, countless of National Parks, open spaces and BBQ pits?

The other day when I reached home at 4pm from work, I thought it was a little early to brood in the house. So I took a short walk around my neighbourhood and passed by one of the small construction sites, where workers were laying bricks to build a house. "Hey mate!" called out one of the dudes. Damn, can't they leave me alone? "Hiya mate, not knocking off soon?" I replied.

"Yeah, right now, it's Friiiiidaaay!!!" he exclaimed, with fist raised to the sky. So drama.

Told ya, strangers talking to strangers anytime, anywhere. Oddity.

This is why Perth will never feel like home, where my dreams wait for me, where the river always flows. In Perth, I don't need dreams waiting for me. I am living them.

Once in a while, I have conversations with old friends in Singapore. The topic of rising cost of living in Singapore will inevitably be brought up once too often, perhaps, to update me of the changes back there. The latest being parking charges increasing significantly (in terms of percentage). Woah, parking. I found myself rolling my eyes up to recall when was the last time I paid any parking charges in Perth. 

One of the interesting thing I observe of Singaporeans living in Perth is that we visit one another's house 99% of the time instead of meeting up somewhere out there in an eatery or shopping complex like what we do in Singapore. I always wonder why. One thing for sure, whenever we visit or get visited, the hours seem to go by lightning quick. No one gets jittery over their expired parking coupons or cash card fees chalking up. Perhaps there is no need to justify our parking fees by milking its maximum value to visit a nice shopping centre instead of our template stamped HDB flats (and they say Perth is boring?) Or perhaps to enjoy free air con.

If that is the case, the old Singaporean joke of, "Perhaps one day, the CB government will charge us for air!" is not as far-fetched as once thought. As we know, there is no free lunch. Someone will be paying for air con, even if it isn't you. I told my friend it was such a pity LTA did not make use of a local talent like me. I would be contented with just a small director's role, well worth the money I would be paid, with the money I would be making for the company. And I don't need to invest millions of dollars in infrastructure to suck blood from happy Singaporeans. In fact, I should be hired all across the statutory agencies to craft nice little profitable policies. Implement a little fee here or there, hike up the fares now and then, Singaporeans will only complain a little and move on with life. No problem. As long as personal income tax remains low. Haha.

Well I heard Ah Ching lost money at the mahjong table again. So what shall we introduce this new financial year to help her recoup her capital for the next game? We can try some of these.

Casino Regulatory Authority (CRA)

To implement a new regulation (for Singaporean residents only) for cashing out casino winnings. To cash out, the customer is required to gamble one last round of dice in a winner takes all format. Winning will ensure a full cash out, less 15% tax donation for The National Council on Problem Gambling (NCPG) to aid their awareness programs.

National Environment Agency (NEA)

Publications from NUS confirm the harmful impact of air conditioners to the environment. Thus Singaporeans will be required to pay a levy for every air condition unit in the premise. The levy will be varied in accordance to the air conditioner system. I.e. higher charge of $140/month for system four as compared to $130/month for system three.

The newly launched initiative between LTA-NEA means that car owners shall pay new carbon tax according to their car category. A receipt of paid carbon tax shall be presented before LTA issues a road tax renewal.

Housing and Development Board (HDB)

With the new changes to air conditioner levy, air conditioner ledge shall be rezoned into commercial zones. Residents will thereby be required to pay ledge rental fees $100/month to house their air conditioners. Home owners are given the alternative to purchase a 99 year lease of a ledge with a one time payment of $15,000. HDB loans are available to help residents in need.

New HDB flat buyers who are unable to pay a down payment of 25% will be required to purchase a mortgage insurance of $13,500, which can be fully loaned from the HDB.

To commensurate the 4th highest ranking passport in the world, holders of the iconic red passport will be required to bear a "differentiated passport charge" in a pay-by-use system. Since statistics show that 90% of the passport holders do not travel, this will only affect a minority.

Ministry of Education (MOE)

Statistics show the rise of rogue tuition teachers, a urgent need is required for the tuition industry to be regulated. All tuition teachers must be licensed by the MOE or can be liable for fine, imprisonment, or both.

Agri-Food and Veterinary Authority of Singapore (AVA)

Pet fish owners are be required to licence their pet fishes. The board has formed a CEC to do feasibility studies to extend the requirements to pet hamsters.

National Parks Board (NParks)

Park users to pay for Park Insurance that covers parks accidents to gain admission to major parks and nature reserves.

Health Promotion Board (HPB)

All children will be required to do a yearly health check to be awarded a health pass. Any child with not health pass will not be allowed enter school or child care premises.

Land Transport Authority (LTA)

Studies done by NUS indicates million of dollars lost in traffic jams caused by cars breaking down on highways. Cars will have to undergo a mandatory vehicle inspection every week at LTA approved servicing centres.

However, income tax shall remain low.

After the post "Wasting Time" [link] was posted, I seemed to have received a flurry of disturbing comments. One of the knights, Bob, even commented he felt he was getting lectured by me when he was reading through it. (No I wasn't) Then we have Valerie stating, "Cars are essential because time is precious in Singapore. Also essential when you have young children and elder folks at home and need to be ferried around."

No ladies and gentlemen, don't get me wrong. I am not understating the usefulness of having a car. You don't have to tell me what you do with the car to prove how important they are. That isn't the point of my original post and I'll try explaining it in another way.. Before that, let's put things straight first. The notion of saving precious time in Singapore with a car boggles my mind. 

How much time can you save a day in Singapore if you own a car? 30 mins per trip, as compared to travelling to work on the MRT? With the current traffic conditions on the tiny island, that's very generous of me already. The amount of time you spend stuck on the AYE and finding your parking lot later, you might be only 10 minutes worse off if you travel by the MRT. So, say, you save 1 hour of precious time in Singapore a day for 2 main trips, how much is that time worth?

Someone came up with an estimate of the "True cost" of car ownership in Singapore [link] and came up with the figure of approximately $240,000 over the course of 10 years with the warts and all included. Granted there are irregularities in his calculation, I'd say the estimate is conservative, considering the writer did not factor in the definite future increase in running costs across all categories. Having to spend at least $240,000 in 10 years, your time saving strategy will cost you a minimum of $65 a day, higher if you fail to save at least an hour every single of the 365 days in a year. If you earn $65 an hour and work 40 hours a week, you must to be earning $135,000 per annum to offset your cost. You have to be earning more than that in order to "save time." 

If you have $65 a day to spare, and put it an investment that gives you an average of 3% compounding interest over the span of 10 years, you will be withdrawing $276,000 when your investment mature. For simplicity, if you are still earning $135,000 in 10 years' time, you can afford to take 2 years off employment and not be worse off financially as compared to if you bought that car. Comparatively, if you save 1 hour a day (make sure you do that every single day) with your car, you will be saving 7300 hours in 10 years and that is 304 days. Now tell me how much time your children and elderly prefer from you, 2 years or 304 days?

Also, tell me about how you save 1 hour on the days you take your car to do servicing, repairs, vehicle inspection. I am discounting breakdowns because public transport breaks down too.

Millions of young children and elderly travel on public transport every day in Singapore. That  alone makes a car a non-essential. If we cannot even differentiate between a want and need, we will never be in full control of our money. A fool and his money are soon parted. Every time.

Travelling in public transport is no doubt way less comfortable than a car. However, children do not see the world with the eyes of an adult. I could remember many bus rides with my mother in cranky, noisy non-air conditioned buses. How she taught me where to press the buzzle that got my eyes gleaming in delight. How we panicked when the rain started splashing in. I would imagine how my parents had to keep an eye on us, the young children and watched out for my grandparents, the elderly. The circumstances also asked for plenty of physical contact among my family to make the rather rocky rides safe. I am not so sure if travelling in a car offers the same amount of eye contact, holding of hands and communication.

So what does your time saving offer you?

Over the weekend, we received more guests than we did for the last 12 months. There are certainly attractions worth their trip. First, to see my half baked, self taught effort to clad up Savvy Steve's house. If there were some who thought I did a bad job, they kept their thoughts to themselves. The task of beautifying the place might be far from completion and the place was small by "Aussie standard", but the north-western view of the house is fast developing into a fantastic, priceless panoramic picture. It gives me immense pleasure.

They probably want to drop by to see Judy too. I am not sure but some of these friends may still be reading the site (since I got to know them through this) If so, they would have known we are hosting a housemate for a year. She signed up for a 1 year bakery course and came with a huge truckload of hope to make something out of this. She did well enough to build a rapport with a prospective employer than I noted from a Facebook share and was called up to report for training.

Before we go further, Singaporean mum of a new born who just learnt how to smile, M, texted me after a meet up some days ago that said, "Judy much younger than I thought."

"Huh, did I say she is very old?"

"From your blog somewhere, I get the impression she is old," M said.

Hmm. If that is the case, I must offer my apologies to Judy, who is actually just 4 years older than me. The reason why I call her Auntie Judy is because that is how I address her to Albany. In fact, she is as old as one of my own sisters. Too old for Australia when it comes to skilled migration but still an adolescent in Singaporean terms, with decades of cardboard collecting exercises to fulfill.

I tried to prepare Judy mentally on her new work. After all, she has been doing office bound accounting work for the past 2 decades so working in a kitchen will spring some surprises. Contrary to what many Singaporeans think, work is not "slack" here. In fact, with the high cost of labour, businesses are careful with their headcounts and expect workers to be very productive. The key difference is workers are being treated way fairer than those in Singapore. Nonetheless, I told Judy that would be a good experience for her. If she finds the going too tough, it will serve to shatter her rose tinted glasses so that when she returns to Singapore and give up on moving to Australia, she will be at peace with her decision. If she finds her working experience pleasant, it will affirm her purpose and give her the extra motivation to forge on. Either way, she will not lose out.

"Will I get paid for training?" Judy asked.

"Hmm, I dunno, why didn't you ask her over the phone?" I said.

She was too shy to do so. "I'll get to find out this weekend anyway," she reasoned. I am wonder how much they are paying her for the work too. I have to know details, so that I will be able to alert her if she is being exploited in any way. Her work requires her to start work at deathly hours, like some 4am or something. She was a little apprehensive and skeptical of her will power to wake up that early. I'm sure she can. A new environment propels you to live a completely different lifestyle.

I know because I've walked that path.

I often wonder how our lives would turn out if we didn't have children. What would we do during our weekends? Would we go for a lot of road trips to explore WA? Granted that Jen's pregnancy with Albany ended up as the critical factor that pushed me to force the move, there might be a good chance we would be still in Singapore if that didn't happen. What a shame that would have been. It would be interesting to live life as a childless couple here. We would have so many options, so much flexibility to live our lives to our imagination.

Recently, a friend has been telling me how bored he is starting to feel about his life in Perth. From the conversations, it was clear something was bothering him but he couldn't figure it out himself. He mentioned how crazy it would seemed to explore the possibilities of working in New Zealand or even the UK but dreaded to imagine how his wife wouldn't tolerate a nomadic lifestyle. It was only about 8 years (or so) ago he made the uncanny decision to uproot from Singapore to move to Australia without a valid visa. He took 4 years to emerge from the despair of running into blind alleys and celebrated the approval of their PRs and Aussie citizenship shortly after. Those gave them the feasibility of building their house (which they did) as well as a stable, permanent job. From a third party's point of view, life has picked up a lot since I met them.

So why is that friend feeling the way he has been feeling? I cannot say for sure. For one day, I may well be overwhelmed with the same emotions when I reach that phrase. That is the reason why I try my best not to give my opinion to people who have done something longer than me, such as giving parenting tips to Judy, that will be neither helpful nor appropriate. Having said that, I will make a daring prediction that I will skip this 7th year itch syndrome phrase. When I first started blogging, one commentor told me I wouldn't paint such a rosy picture of Australian life after staying here for 3 years. I am about 2 months to my 5th year here and my views of my life here are still little short of splendid. Didn't turn out the way you said it would, buddy. That being said, anything can happen between now and the 7th-8th year phrase. Hang around a bit to see if you can catch me moaning about stuff here by then.

It could be parenting that has been keeping me distracted from being over-analytical about my life here. It hasn't been a bed of roses for two noob parents who had never taken care of young children prior to this. We didn't have the option of having the wisdom (and occasional help) in the household of an elder. Neither have we a Marilynn, essentially a Thermomix with built in house cleaning, kids minding functions.  As expected, there were rocky situations along the way. Those took the brunt of the frustrations of a migrant to a new country. After puipui was borne, I hardly a quiet night totally free from distractions to sit down and write a blog post absolute clarity in the mind like how I did in the earlier years.

Once, a Singaporean mother living in the eastern states told me she wondered how we could cope with two kids while she was struggling with just one. It is not uncommon to meet parents (yes, even Singaporean ones) of 4 kids here. So we don't have much grounds to complain about parenting. You'll cope when it happens. Babies do not leave you any option. That is basically how it works.

Fortunately, no matter how the going gets tough, the stage usually moves on after a while. Children grow up so quickly in the earlier years. You will be amazed when you have the occasional moment to breathe and look back. Once the clingy Koala-like Albany, the big sister who offers to feed the baby of tomorrow. Moments like that gave parents some hope, and plenty of intangible happiness that only can be experienced, not described.

Every time I meet a Singaporean parent, the Singaporean in me will note how adept the kids are. There isn't a kid that I heard that couldn't write much, read or do maths at the same stage Albany is. Do I have the case to worry? To be honest, the day after hearing about the genius kids and worrying a little, too lazy to give a damn. There are more important things I want to instill in Albany's learning. The academic stuff can be picked up along the way.

In the meantime, the cold Winter has stalled whatever progress I could have made in doing up Savvy Steve's house. In a month's time, it will be dry and warm enough to restart the work outside. Perhaps when the dust settles and the kids are a little more self sufficient, who knows I will be feeling the 7th year itch when the euphoria dies down. 

I was told this is what they put in the syllabus for Primary 5 kids in Singapore. All along I thought spamming stupid problem sums that seem to test more comprehensive skills than mathematical skills is beyond the pale, until I learn they now have to explore male and female reproductive parts in class. The purpose was clearly spelled out - to remind the audience to reproduce. 

"Why is it important for us to reproduce?" asked the nerdy kid.

Actually it is not. There are societies that have remain small or even shrinking but they are doing fine and will stand to be around in your lifetime. But put that down in your worksheet and you'll get a fat zero and mummy will be spanking your ass at home tonight. Thus kids are essentially forced to put one of the acceptable answers such as, "As the number of older people is increasing and birthrate is decreasing, population will be greatly reduced, thus it is important for us to reproduce and ensure the continuity of future generations." Since it is in the books, children will naturally accept this as a fact of life.

Full grown adults in Singapore today croak to the same tune, much less young children with under developed analytical skills. The government's obsession with population ponzi has the entire country afflicted. It isn't too hard to see why. There is money, lots of money to be made by adding more and more people through population growth for those with vested interest. We don't have to imagine hard to identify who are the ones who are well positioned to benefit from a population ponzi. However, for a population with hardly any imagination, we believe that we need more young to support the growing number of old people, an overused but effective rhetoric. Never mind what happens when the bigger base of young people become old themselves. We don't need to be a great mathematician to figure out no country can sustain the exponential nature of such a scheme, much less a country with such physical limits like Singapore.

The success of such a genjutsu is fueled by fear. The whites exploits the fear of population decline, warning the people of the possibility of facing substantial financial ruin and the depressing notion of "falling behind", knowing how well losing out is the pet hate of the Singaporean population. On the contrary, the relentless pursuit of such ideals will result in what the population ponzi advocates forewarned. At the final stage of the lifecycle, the scheme spirals downward with lower meaningful employment, stagnant wages, falling disposable income, more people succumbing into debt and more homeless. Some of these symptoms are already showing up in the swelling economic bubble in Singapore and they are desperate to extend the lifecycle of their scheme by breaking physical limits. 6.9 million? No. Let's gun for 10 million instead. The elites shall consolidate their profits and gains and be ready to jump ship when necessary. In the meantime, the common Singaporean is celebrating their impressive year on year GDP growth, never mind if that greatly decline the individuals' quality of life and the degradation of the environment.


By no means am I blind to the fact that Australia has been doing the exact same thing with high net immigration. At least they haven't been desperate enough to teach small kids the importance of reproduction. Though resources are similarly limited, there are a decent amount of land going around to accommodate growth. It will be a much longer while before their scheme affects our quality of life. I'm buying time into Singapore's past, where there were more space for everyone and a fresher breath of air.

Outside Savvy Steve's house, we had lavenders planted in a roll. They were small, as matured ones would cost much more to install. I intended to have them grow in a short hedge, to create a buffer between the pavement abutting the house. Behind the hedge, I would perhaps construct a slightly raised platform of pavers, since a pissed poor peasant like me would never be able to afford a timber deck. Pavers on the other hand, were given away free regularly. The only problem that I had to sort out was transportation. Perhaps when the time comes, it is time to beg the company for a T-loan of the Ute. There is no hurry to do these. We would be staying for a while, several years at least, until puipui completes his primary school. Then the kids will be old enough to handle the possible implementation of their dad's crazy ideas.

The little plants and small trees that I would planting around the place will grow up with the kids, together with perhaps, even a small dog. I will make the children weed, prune, water and fertilize the plants with me. They'll learn to grow their own food at a young age and cook them when they can hold a spatula well. I do not have enough land at the moment. The key is to let them learn how to do it, not how to grow enough to be self sufficient. However, one day, they will be able to do both, then we'll try going off the grid. A step at a time.

One of the earliest song I taught Albany to sing was Lavender's Blue. She liked it very much and always gave that radiant smile whenever we went at it. Tiny as they were, the lavenders outside were fully capable of producing flowers. When the flowers bloomed, the first thing I did was to bring Albany outside and told her those blue (purple actually) flowers were what we had been singing about. She was delighted and fussed over it. One thing good about living in Perth is that we get the opportunity to see more things in their natural forms.

I could recall a joke (or was it a fact that went funny?) Angie told us about how Lex were shocked to see chicken running all over the place in a remote place she brought him to visit in Malaysia. His impression of chicken till then was featherless, slightly yellow meat, neatly curled and wrapped on a white foam backing. Elsewhere, I heard some Singaporean kids think watermelons grow on trees.

True enough, when I sent this picture (left) to a few friends, their responses were astonished delight along the lines of, "I never knew Lavender flowers can look like that!"

But of course they look like that. Unfortunately the lavenders we get in Singapore usually look more like dried Prunella Vulgaris, even as complement decor on 'fresh' bouquets of flowers. Wait till they try freshly picked apples or strawberries. They'll know what they have been missing in life. After I picked those flowers, I tied them with a stem of one of the flowers to bundle it up and asked Albany to give it to her mummy and tell her daddy loves her. I believed it went well. That was the least a pissed poor peasant who never bought flowers for his wife could do.

Lately I found out Judy's course wasn't cheap at all. Initially, I thought it was around $8k, which was painful (to me) but later I found it was more like $16k. Ouch. These days I still found myself repeating the same words like a parrot. "I really wonder how you convince your husband to let you do this."

If I were to ask Jen if I could go to Germany to study a proper course and not the beer maids at Oktoberfest, leaving her behind being the sole breadwinner and caregiver of our 2 kids, what would she say to that?

No freaking way. In all fairness, I would probably say the same thing to her. Talking about breadwinner, our house mate has been diligently producing heart-winning bread for our family. Little Albany loves them, especially with a little bitter-sweet homemade marmalade made from the harvested Mandarins at MIL's backyard dashed on Judy's bread. On some nights, the house would smell like a bakery, something I found pleasant in the cold Winter nights.  That beat the house smelling like fried fish or kimchi (I hate this shit) any day so we couldn't hold it against her when Judy announced she had officially retired our mixer. A new mixer for more bread and cakes? Anytime.

I have never seen Judy panic. Be it forgetting the house keys, leaving an umbrella behind at the shops, baby and toddler wailing in her face or realising she was late for school, she giggled everything away like a silly teenager. Perhaps as a mother of young teens, she had seen it all. I reminded myself to learn that from her. That would be, perhaps, the better way to negotiate the harder things life could throw at us so regularly.

Baking isn't about following the recipe or mixing all the ingredients together and dump in into the oven. There are so many intricacies in every procedure that we can get it wrong. Unlike cooking, there is rarely a chance to salvage a bake that has gone wrong. From my observation, baking requires a lot of patience, passion and a peaceful state of mind. It will be hard for someone like me who have been accustomed to whipping up meals very quickly to bake fine pastry one day. Nonetheless, I hope one of us would pick up some skills from Judy to bake some decent stuff before she leaves in the future. The sight of freshly baked bread on the table on Saturday mornings makes the house feel homey.

Angie sent us a picture on the whatsapp group some days ago. I opened it up and thought to myself, "What the fuck was that? Looks like 马经 (Horse betting manual)."

On closer look, I was right! The tables, list, odds and shit. Is there much of a difference? Our children are groomed like race horses in Singapore. During our conversation today, mum told me how X family has been spending $1,000 a month on tuition for their primary 2 kid and how Y family has been maximize time slots of every single day of their only child with extra curricular activities. 

Oddly enough, none of the time slots have been spared to teach their kids how to cook, clean the house or fold their dried clothing. Well, I can't say I am that ignorant to what are on their parents' mind. Time is simply too precious for boy boy to learn these nonsense menial stuff. Do what for? Next time can hire maid lah. Oops. I mean helper. After paying the ex-maid $50 more plus one off-day a month, they have been repackaged as a helper. We are gracious Singaporeans. We have no maids or slaves. Helper that is then. Hey, but isn't boy boy groomed for greatness? Who is going to cook, clean and tidy things up for him when he goes for his important overseas work assignments in future? Due to rules, Marilyn cannot go. Luckily, there are laundry shops in other world class cities. Eat out. Stay in hotel no need to clean. Problem solved. If no laundry, bring enough clothes lah. Take the dirty ones back home and Marilyn will settle. Worse comes, buy new clothes. Boy boy is going to earn big bucks next time.

Can boy boy ever migrate to another country and survive? The straight As can take him there but it isn't going to fry up the fish. Be thankful if he doesn't start spinning a stainless steel bowl in the microwave to make hard boiled eggs. Mummy isn't always going to be there for him and there are some places Marilyn simply cannot go.

I read a comment by Winnie in the group the other day about kids in Perth having no examination to take until 18 years old. Is that true? Is that why Singaporean parents are condemning the education system in Australia and systematically carry on their duties by importing 10 kilograms of assessment books every time they return from their Singapore trip? The race course has changed but must not stop grooming the race horse lah! Feels damn shiok watching the horse come first among the slow white horses. hahaha.

Ha ki lan ah.

Come on man, what is wrong with you fucking parents?

If you are worried about your kid's survival, all you have to do is to stop buying 3 cars and leave $400,000 in a trust fund generates 5% a year for him lah. Just make sure he will never be able to withdraw the capital sum and spend it. 5% not difficult to achieve lah. If you have it hard, just pass your money to Ho Ching. Legend has it that she can generate 20% year-on-year average for 20 years like Warren Buffet. Just make sure it doesn't say ±20% in the prospectus, in case your fund maturity date may be set back by 10 years because your fund manager thinks you don't need the money. If you are happy with a less exciting but more certain 5% return, that will generate $20k a year or $1,666 a month for boy boy. Can't imagine your fucking cars can perform almost as good as your HDB rental if you never buy them in the first place right? Boy boy sure hope you had a better imagination.

"Bo bian."

"Can't keep up."

These are the stuff I keep hearing from parents participating in their Kranji horse races. What bo bian? Keep up with what? What next after boy boy attained the top 10 PSLE score in Singapore? Top 10 in the GCE? Top 10 in JC, Top 10 in University, Commissioned Officer in the army, be a monkey in white, Top 10% earner in Singapore? That's over 3 decades of horse racing. Something tells me this is not about survival. It is about your insatiable pride.

It is amusing that parents only have one wish for their fetuses in the wombs and that is for their babies to be borne healthy, then refuse to accept how ordinary their children are a few years down the road and attempt to mold them something they are not meant to be. There is a difference between helping a child to reach his potential and forcing him beyond his aptitude. For the latter, his world is going to come crashing down after the steroids are removed from his life. How long are you going to give him tuition? Need tuition for his consummation too?

Thanks V for sending little known facts about the 457 work visa to help Judy ownself check ownself™. Apparently it isn't that easy to get a work visa in Australia. After all this isn't some suka suka open leg place.

In some cases your employer will need to advertise your position and show that there is no Australian who is able to fill the position. Unless evidence of this accompanies the application, you will be refused

That is where this comes useful. Advertised in March, still looking for staff in July. 

Also, this isn't applicable for all occupations. It is probably for another tier of vocations, such as engineers and nurses.

Just in case, Judy should check with the Mrs if she ever advertised elsewhere as where. If so, she should keep cuttings or screenshots of those.

The minimum salary level is $53,900, but if there is an Australian working for the business, you need to be paid at least the same as them

This requirement is to protect workers from being exploited by employers. That equates to $1,053 per week. IF Judy is to be paid $28/hr, she will need a minimum of 37.6 hours per week of work. That's going to be a problem, unless Judy will be employed as a full timer. However, "salary level" can be interpreted as the rate, rather than the annual salary, because it can be argued if an employer overwork a work at $14/hr doing 76 hours a week, the worker can meet $53,900 per annum too. I believe it is referring to the former. So Judy should be safe if she is hired at this rate or better (if she finds another job later)

457 holders are required to hold private health insurance during their stay. You'll need a special letter from the insurance company showing that you have the right level of cover to be granted a 457

No biggie.

To get a 457, you need to prove your English language ability. Usually this is by doing an English test, but you may be exempt if you hold one of the recognised passports, have studied in English medium or have a high salary level. Technically speaking, all applicants must show evidence of their English language ability. This would generally involve showing that you have at least Vocational English by doing the IELTS test and scoring at least 5 in each band.

If Judy is not able to get a 5 in IELTS, maybe she should roll back to Stand up for Singapore. Anyway, I think she will be able to get an exemption because her first language is English. No harm trying when (if) the time comes.

Not all skills assessment require "several thousand dollars". Anyway to qualify as a trade, Judy will need a 

Cert IV (minimum 1.5 years course) or

3 years of relevant work experience or

Cert III (including 2 years of on-the-job training)

This will be tricky. Even if Judy starts work right away, by the end of her Cert III course, she will have only accumulated 1 year of working experience. Without her student visa, how can she get another year of working experience to qualify?

That will be something we have to figure out.

This is a favourable thing but don't have to worry about PR for now. She has to get a 457 first.

Certain business types and occupations are considered high risk, and make getting approval difficult

The Department of Immigration introduced a new "Genuine Position" requirement for 457 nominations in July 2013. Using their discretion under this new requirement, Immigration has targeted certain occupations and industries - requiring a higher level of documentation than is usually the case. This includes the following situations:

• Cafes and Restaurants: whilst it is possible to nominate workers for 457 visas in the occupation of cook, chef and cafe/restaurant manager, the Department of Immigration tends to have a higher level of scrutiny in these cases. In particular, Immigration often asks for evidence that the position is genuine and that the applicant is appropriately skilled. In the case of fast food restaurants, it is generally not possible to sponsor applicants for 457 visas.

• Start-up Businesses: in the case of a business which has been operating for less than 12 months, additional information will generally be requested to establish the business operations and that the position is genuine. Approvals for recently established businesses will generally be for 12 months rather than the usual 4 years for 457 visas.

• Family Businesses: if a family member is being sponsored, Immigration will general request evidence that the position is genuine and not creately purely for the purpose of securing entry for a family member.