Nearly 4 years ago, I could have came here all by myself and leave my pregnant wife in Singapore with my family. We have a roof over us there. So there will be no additional expense in that aspect. There will be living expenses no doubt, but all will be managed easily by just living within my means here in Perth. That would mean renting a single room instead of a house of any size by by myself, having simple meals and keeping entertainment expenses extremely low.
If the purpose of isolating myself from my family is to position myself such that I could focus all my time on making a living, or even building a business or an empire, it isn't a convincing one. For I can still do the same by insisting my wife to stay at home full time instead of taking on PT work like she is doing now and take care of the household while I work from dawn till far beyond the set of sun to rake money in. That wouldn't be much of a difference compared to my previous Singapore work regime. If I were to stay behind then, I would certainly have spend these 3 years watching my daughter grow up sleeping in her bed.
I know the price I have to pay. Time waits for no man. My decision to commit tremendous amount of time for my family over building a proper career will eventually come back to slap me in the face. By them I will not be in the physical condition to chase after lost time. Even before I turn 40, I am already feeling an obvious deterioration in my physical fitness. Components that once gave me strength to impress, gave much pain to digest these days. Time continues to slip away. By the time is through with me, I will have nothing noteworthy to leave behind. The bank balance will show neither a trail of illustrious career nor profitable business. My family and I will never live in better circumstances, not to mention attaining the epitome of living life within our terms.
What I have, are intangible titles that I will keep secretly in my mind. I would be the Singaporean father who holds the world record by giving his daughter the most number of hugs in her childhood. Worth nothing to you, means the world to me. Even there comes a day where my daughter grows up and leave me, perhaps not even with a word of appreciation but I shall have no regrets. We may be young only once but the same goes for our children. They will only be that young once, before they get too old for you to take a bath with, too heavy for you to carry and too mature for you to play silly games and scream the house down with. No money will ever buy these treasured moments.
It is undeniable that parenthood brings pain of the same magnitude of joy. Thus to me, to endure the pain and letting moments of joy slip by isn't logical. Only by squeezing out every precious moment of happiness does parenthood makes sense. That can be effectively done only by spending quality time with our children.
That being said, my ambitions will never be extinguished. Time will be the judge if it will be better late than never for me when I am through with my priorities.
Hi.
ReplyDeleteI'm a regular reader of your blog. Found it very inspiring.
Am a father (38) of two young kids - son about 3 1/2 (slightly younger than your daughter) and daughter (just turn one recently). My wife stays at home to look after them, while I bring home the bacon.
Like you, I tried to spend as much time with the kids as possible.
Leave for work quite late and come home early....read to them, play with them, feed them, clean their poo, shower them, etc....on weekends, take them out to play. My life effectively revolves around them and my wife, which is what I would want.
The kids are now in the phase when they want to spend time with their parents....play, read, eat together etc. Like what you have said, I want to treasure every moment as possible. You never know what life might bring, and I don't want to take anything for granted.
I don't have much of a career, but the job allows my family to be financially alright. I was ambitious as a young fellow, but have put my plans on hold....family comes first. As the cliche goes, nobody wishes on his deathbed to have spent more time in the office. When the kids are older, can I put my "career" back on plan? Honestly speaking, it doesn't really matter after these years with them. The kids might not appreciate my "sacrifice", but like what you said, I'm happy with what my choice has brought about thus far.
Sorry for the long story.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Fellow Singaporean still in Singapore, but looking for a way out for a better life for his family.
Thank you.
DeleteI'm glad I am not the only "soft" non-alpha type around. When the children are older and prefer to have friends for company than sitting in the laps of their daddies, I think it is time to reach out to past career goals, while maintaining regular communication with the kids. Hope it turns out well.
Actually in many ways you did well coming to Australia.
ReplyDeleteMedical bills from having a baby girl and cancer treatment although not necessarily overwhelming but knowing that it is covered lessens a lot of worries about uncertainty.
Even in great disasters you know that there is still much better safety net than you would have got in SG, stills amazes me all these years that Australians are actually very lucky
Same can be said of Canadians and Brits where there are Universal Healthcare coverage.
DeleteHowever, I noted some non-Singaporean acquaintances here misunderstood the Singapore 3-M's (Medisave, Mediishield and MediCare) as the equivalent of Universal Healhcare. It is so hard to explain to them that the Singapore reality is closer to USA, than otherwise propagated.
Your family and you are already living in better circumstances by being in Perth.
ReplyDelete