Spouse Migrant's Question

I am Sam and I am migrating with my Aussie fiance (getting married in Jul) to Sydney in Aug. I came across your blog when I was trying to find Singaporean groups in Sydney (there was Singapore Kongsi but it seems very inactive now?) and I can't find anyone I can reach out to.

I am just pretty scared to move to Sydney. I have visited Sydney a few times with him and I just never felt like I can fit in. I am also worried what I would be doing when he is working. I am getting the bridging visa which allows me to work and I was thinking of working at a cafe / language centre whilst getting a full time job.

Do you have any advice for me or can direct me to any Singaporeans who moved to Australia for their spouse so I can mentally prepare myself (Singaporean kiasu/kiasi syndrome dictates that I must plan everything swee swee before I leave)

Thanks so much in advance smile emoticon

Hi Sam,

As far as I know, Singapore Kongsi still exist, though I am not 100% sure because I left the group quite long ago after the group decided to deviate from its initial direction that I can resonate with. Today, it's just another OSU masquerading as a community help group. What overseas Singaporeans need is less of such nefarious groups if a complete non existent isn't possible. That being said, I should emphasize that is just my personal opinion and not an allegation lest I get sued over bruised egos. Thus, first and foremost, avoid associating with such groups.

If you have no Singaporean contacts and think it is more assuring for you to know somebody, I will make a request to Agent Y or Sydney Librarian and see if they are interested to link up. I have met them in person and guarantee they are great, reliable people to hang out with. In fact, I am worried that I'll be passing them a hot potato so please don't let me down by being appreciative of the offer of their warm friendship if they do. Please confirm if you want to get to know them.

I can't help you regarding fitting in. To be honest, I highly doubt I will fit in Sydney myself, at least at the kind of pace I prefer. However fitting in is an eventuality because human beings are very adaptable. You will fit in, but it can be a matter of years. So I advice you to have be mentally prepared, have patience and give the city a chance to show you its charms among the initial obvious flaws you will pick out rather quickly.

I know of a lady, D, who moved to Australia for her spouse. She wasn't (as it appeared to me) receptive to Perth in her early months but eventually (again, as it appeared to me) warmed up to this city. I believe the key is how your spouse is going to treat you, rather than anything about the new environment you are moving to. If D's spouse does not treat her well enough, nothing about the city will convince her that the migration was a good idea. This isn't much of an advice because it is not within our control how our future spouse will turn out in many years to come. However, if luck is with you, your great marriage will help you warm up to your new city in a profound manner. Here, I wish you good luck and a blissful marriage.

The last and perhaps most important advice I'll give to you is to forgo your Singaporean kiasu/kiasi syndromes. In any case, these are not syndromes. They are diseases and we are convinced that we should be proud of them. The syndromes of these diseases are inconsideration, annoyance, discourtesy, tactlessness etc. In your case, it isn't even necessary to plan for anything other than getting a checklist of what to bring with it done timely. If you come with the correct mindset, everything will be swee swee. Otherwise, there is no plan that will ensure the level of sweeness that you will be expecting.


  1. ...the hard truths.... (c)

  2. > If you come with the correct mindset, everything will be swee swee.

    My 2 cents: Migration itself is a big adaptation, marriage (especially for 1st timers) another big adjustment. So IMHO, the above advice would be twice as important.

  3. Hello, first thing first thank you so much for sharing information via this blog! I'm in a similar situation as Sam - soon to be newly weds and intending to apply a partner visa to move over to Syd with my partner who's an Aussie citizen. I do have a few questions on the visa application though and was hoping if you could link me up with Sam (if she doesn't mind) and have a chat on how it went for her. If not, if you could provide your opinion I wouldn't mind either! Do let me know. :)