Unsweetened Cocoa Drink

I sat down for a review over how I performed the last 2 weeks. The battle of kicking my addiction to the forbidden list of food was not over. In fact, I was utterly beaten. It was noticeable enough for M to stop me from eating one more meatball on Saturday. I appreciated that because that was exactly what I needed from friends. I knew I wouldn't be in top fighting form at all times. The flesh would be weak from time to time. That would be well expected, for I wouldn't got into trouble in the first place.

Another realization was my earlier successful abstinence was due to my own dictation over what food would be served on the table at home, especially during the times that I was master of the stove. When I dined outside, I would be completely defenseless when delicious food was placed before me. I would then take on the good and the bad. There was no such thing as healthy or unhealthy food when the palate was concerned, only delicious or not. I reckoned this also summed up why it wasn't a good idea to return to Singapore to 'rest' and do a role reversal with Jen as suggested by my sister and Tucky. Suffering the inconvenience of cancer is one thing, subjecting myself to good food that I shouldn't be touching will be living hell.

The most recent takings:

1) I ate more meat over the last weekend more than I did for the last 2 months. Two steps forward 1 step back.

2) My cravings for sweet was still strong. Though I completely erased the obvious unhealthy sweet processed products such as juice, cakes, pastries, I found myself munching on too many dried cranberries uncontrollably and nobody is stopping me.

3) I consumed cocoa the first time since I was diagnosed last night. I made myself the drink using standard (pure?) cocoa powder, hot water and half a glass of (unsweetened?) organic soya bean milk for the colour. What I got was a rather dark bitter drink which I found satisfactory. It seemed like what I really love in chocolate is the taste of cocoa rather than the sugar. That's important and I could work from there. Please don't suggest dark chocolate. I can't get started.

4) Moderation is the key. Unfortunately the key is inside the locked room I've been trying to enter. Believe me, it is harder to do it than it seems. I have to go back to the tasteless cranberries extract that M got for me instead of starting on dried cranberries because once I start, I can't stop.

5) The urinal tract still gives slight pain but I noticed the embarrassing stench from urine had cleared up significantly. There is no visible trace of blood in urine for the past few days. However, the colour of the urine still gives me a feeling that I am having too much residual urine in the bladder. I have to find a way to solve this. I'm clueless. The good news is that, at least, I can sleep through the nights these days without having to wake twice and thrice like the recent past.

6) My lady boss who herself was out of action at work to cope with the unexpected fright of her daughter who went down to pneumonia, returned to work today and commented I lost weight. Was it that obvious?

7) V proposed barley. I think it was a good idea. I have a strange habit of wanting to eat stuff whenever I am blogging. Chewing on cooked barley is probably one of the better option as compared to dried fruits, I reckon. I also received nice barley recipes from Anita, a lady who resides in Perth that I've never met. Good timing.

An old buddy will come to Perth to visit me this week. He's gotta disrupt my life by staying with me for the beginning and end part of his trip, making his way down south for the rest. He will be bringing along his wife. The woman who made this buddy of mine skip my wedding because he wanted to celebrate her birthday on the eve of my wedding. I'll be very interested to see what she have to sweep his feet off the ground.

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