A Singaporean In Australia

I really hope to start a new life here, Nix. I'm not like any of those other people that you've come across who are doing the same in this country... I seem to lack their drive, creativity and inventiveness. Their... adaptability. Nevertheless I shall see how it goes for me.

******

My friend here went all the way into the MMORPG game that I am playing to engage in our first conversion with me via my game character, Daughter of Punggol while I was killing bats and Filipino players in WvW. I was impressed. That was our first and last conversation but he left a deep impression.


Subsequently he made himself to Adelaide for an eye opening trip. He remains the only person I knew who has never set a foot in Australia even once prior to his application for the Australia PR visa. (and got it). Apparently, I was told that even Si Ang Mo (SAM), his migration agent, had not come across such a case before and was astonished why would anyone choose to migrate to a place where he has never even visited yet.

So what is my friend doing shivering in the South Australian cold today? Any SA folks willing to befriend a nice, single gentleman as suaku as I was in this vast strange land? Please leave your email here or send it to asingaporeanson@gmail.com so I can forward it to him.

When I read R's description of his first impression of Australia, it brought back memories. Didn't I sound exactly the same when I first came to Perth? I miss the pre-employment days when I first came. Yes, there were fears, real biting fears that hit hard, but the days when Jen and I hugged each other like frightened monkeys with Albany tightly between us in her tummy remains important highlights of my life. There is no doubt my friend here will never forget this interesting period.

CK said, "Hey, your readers might be interested in these options. Ah, thank you CK. It was interesting indeed. I probably ended up more interested in these than any of you. 

According to our friend Luca, if you have cash to spare it seems, many legs will open for you. In the case of migrating to a nice place to live and rot till d-day, the same thing applies: many doors will open for you if you have some dough on hand. 

Most of us look at migrating to another country as a big, big, scary, scary move. So perhaps we thought if we want to take a leap, we should aim for the stone that the guy in front landed on just some moments ago. In truth, you will end up in a tidy body-smack no matter which stone you chose to leap down to, irrespective to what happened to the guy in front. The key is always about picking yourself up and carry on walking after the fall, even if you break your legs in that leap. I am speaking from my experience as an average Singapore with no special talent, academic excellence or impressive career track records to show. You may have better luck with your own discovery wyldhunt.

I thought Australia will be a breeze for me. My wife said I would be okay. After all, Australia is a one of the commonwealth countries. We drive on the left and speak English. How bad can it be? When I realised I couldn't understand a single word of the conversation between two radio djs on radio during my first week, I knew I was in trouble. No matter how you research and visualise how work and life would be in a specific country, you will struggle in the new country if you are as dumb as me. Anyway, since moving to anywhere is as bad as anywhere, why restrict ourselves to Canada, Australia, USA and UK where the doors are sometimes too hard for our heads to bang on.

Say, if you have US$400,000 to spare for St. Kitts, they are happy to grant you full citizenship instead of the wishy-washy permanent resident visa. That's not even a donation to the government. All you have to do is the buy a property worth at least US$400,000. The equity still belongs to you. How about one of these? [link] A decent house on a 20-acres land. 20 fucking acres! How much do I have to pay for that in Australia? That is more than enough land for anyone to live off. In my opinion, any man who cannot feed himself having so much land under his name is better off dead.

So what the hell is St. Kitts? Can eat one or not? It's a tiny country in the middle of the Carribean sea. Yeah, maybe there are pirates. I'm not sure. When Albany is older, maybe I'll leave her in the care of my dear wife and venture there alone and I'll tell you what I see. Before that, google is the only good friend.

Beautiful. One day, perhaps? Who's joining me?

Prelude to the long story: In an hour, I made myself a scrap wood table from er... scrap wood. Yeah, it may not be your fancifully named Castilla table or something but hey, it's free. Then I added the bench for myself, because I had been standing up using the factory laptop for a year. With these, I made myself my work desk with cost next to nothing.

The long story: A table is just a table. Unfortunately these days, life isn't that simple anymore. As the proverb goes, "Want not, waste not." However, growing up in Singapore with a culture that believes in an entirely different paradigm makes the idiom almost idiotic. We want the newest things all the time. Not just brand new but the latest designs. As new things of a slightly older version are not acceptable, used (second hand) items are generally frowned upon. And scraps .... are worse than what the dog drags in.

When I was a young boy in Primary School, we were introduced to the concept of recycling during lessons. Most of us understood the underlying good in recycling and came up with outstanding ideas and suggestions to improve our environment in Singapore. Some ideas were smart use of small everyday items and some came up with huge lofty ideas that could make transform our infrastructure or even housing into a powerful sustainable eco-system. However, the lesson ends there behind that four walls and nothing significant was brought out of class. Just like the way we saw the chap who scored 100% in his Moral Education test spit at another classmate for losing a Chinese chess game.

I am not sure how good or bad the Singapore carbon footprint is. I am not going into that because it will end up with meaningless debate about so and so country being worse and other pointless justifications. My purpose of writing this the first thing I finished making this recycled table was to explore a possible single reason behind the overbearing peer pressure in Singapore to pursuit material items that I witnessed and experienced as a victim myself. Was it due to relentless marketing of products by companies which shaped our perspectives of how our lives should be run? Why did my friends tell me I had to buy a proposal ring worth 3 times my monthly salary or it would not be worthy for my wife? Who set this kind of damn standards and got everyone not just believing in it but spread it around like pestilence?

I blame Facebook. That is the reason why I avoided Facebook whenever I can. It is a breeding ground for envy, jealousy, pride and hypocrisy. How do you honestly feel when you see someone posting a picture of himself on top of a snow mountain with a grin like a slice of watermelon?  How do you feel about their new car you cannot afford? You want it and you know it, don't lie. These are not healthy to the mind and I decided that Facebook is a shit place to be. If I wanted to rot my mind, I rather do it the fun way by playing MMORPG. At least I can slay a couple of bastards cheaply. By avoiding Facebook, I know it will eventually make me irrelevant to the world, because the living no longer recognise their kind unless they are plugged into the system. Fuck it. I have only a few more decades to live, or maybe lesser than I thought having the cancer time bomb within me.

I asked my co-worker how he felt about the table and bench I made quickly without fuss with just a handsaw, a hammer and some nails. He said, "Wow." I looked at him and said, "Really? Will you use this in your house?" 

"Yes, of course."

"Why?"

"Because there is nothing wrong with it."

There are people who ask why are there Singaporeans who come to Australia to pick up jobs a few levels "beneath them" or why do I do things myself instead of comfortably hiring someone to do it. I'm not sure about others. To me, there is nothing wrong in doing so. The reason I couldn't make myself return to Singapore is that I can do whatever my heart desires without being judged here, without the need to please anyone else who think they have a stake in my life just because they are my friends or my employer.

And so how did you find this story? It was written entirely on a very solid, very stable self-made table from scrap wood that nobody wanted. My post is of a decent length, with the usual consistency of grammar and spelling mistakes and the story line sucks. Nothing has changed.

A table is a table.

The below pics were put up at the Facebook page of the Maritime Union of Australia - Sydney branch. The Australian Election is coming. That's why we see these stuff everywhere from the streets to social media. But hey, I realised they actually brings a message in each one. Doesn't matter whether or not they are truths. Who really knows? The point is these stuff people come out with actually carry a point, or a few points, whereas the nice stuff Singaporeans came out with tells apathetic voters, who wanted some inspirations to decide who to vote for, very little.

Don't get me wrong. Those are very good creative art work done by our brothers and sisters. It's fun looking at them and they grab your attention, especially when some guy put some boobs on Nicole Seah. Well anyway, have a look and think about it.  

Singapore

my name is Ben, a Singaporean in my final year of medicine at the University of Melbourne. 

I came across your blog today through a friend and I read with sadness regarding the "third world doctor". 

There is a student run society called Singapore Medical Society of Victoria (SMSV), and while I am NOT in the committee, I do know some of the committee members and also have a few contacts of Singaporean doctors (though mostly junior doctors) working in Melbourne. 

I have also worked with the President of the society, Ms Anna Tam, a final year student from Monash University on several occasions, and I am more than happy to make introductions for j***. 

In fact, SMSV will be having their annual meddies dinner next month, on the 27th September 2013 at Le Bangkok (195 Lonsdale St, Melbourne VIC 3000, Australia). Besides medical students, current Singaporean doctors are also invited to attend this social event. 

J*** is definitely most welcome to join us, and I am happy to introduce him to Anna, as well as other doctors who are present. Hopefully, he will be able to obtain some contacts and perhaps some advice for his employment situation.

If J*** would like to contact me, I am happy for him to contact me via this email address, or on my mobile at [number removed]. 

Please let me reassure you I am just trying to help a fellow Singaporean, and I have no other agenda. 

Will appreciate it if you could please relay this message to J*** for me. 

Thank you very much 

From one Singaporean son to another, 

Ben

******

Dear Ben,

Thank you very much. I will relay the message to J*** immediately.

Heartfelt thanks from asingaporeanson to another Singaporean son.

******

Hi L,

Sorry for the late response to your friend, Matthew's email.. First thing, you have a great friend in Matthew, if you haven't realised. You should be in ACT by now for a couple of weeks so I am not sure if this email still makes sense. Unfortunately, I do not know anyone well in Canberra or I would have linked you up so that he or she will take you to eat Hokkien Mee in the more popular joints over there.

I write stuff @ asingaporeanson.blogspot.com. I started almost 2 years ago and by now, the blog is full of my whining as well as notes that you may find useful moving to a place totally strange to you. This reply will be posted on my it. Though I do not have high readership, I am relying on the miracle of chance to lead someone to you. Sometimes strange things happen, trust me, I've seen my fair share of what happened to some others I know.

I would like to share what my friend Denise quipped over a text message two days back. She said, "My friends are yours friends. Pathetic right?" What she meant was her circle of friends here in Perth was limited and most of them (according to her) were introduced to her via our Singaporean gatherings. Well, Denise's simple message made me realised my friends were her friends too. So take the lesson from us and do not restrict yourselves to making friends with anyone and everyone of any nationalities. The world is your oyster. You will be surprised to find great friends that you thought you will never if you open up the options.

I bunked in with a mate when I was locked out from my house for two days. There he told me interesting tales of what he and his wife experienced being part of the Hospitality Club. [link]. Perhaps you may want to give it a look.

Lastly, treat this as an adventure of your life. How many of us can experience being alone in a new city, knowing no one, recognising nothing? Indulge yourself in the discovery process. Isn't life about discovering? No doubt it will be nothing as comfortable as home. Home is called home for a reason. But so is playground. Good luck buddy. Drop me a message to share your experiences one day if you have the time.

asingaporeanson

******

Hi Andrew,

The short answer to your question is yes. I am not sure what insights you might want from me. Technically, it can be done but I'm not so sure on why you want to do it this way. I'll share the first thought that comes to my mind. If you are not ready to move to Australia, or anywhere else in the world, you should stay in Singapore until then. It is not complicated, as simple as that. So do not stress yourself over conquering loopholes for now.

You may find it strange to hear this from me, if you are not new to this blog. Over the year, I wrote about the imperfections of our systems, policies and the morons holding key positions in the Government. Most people, even those who know me personally, will establish me as someone who hates our country Singapore. I never once acknowledge this because I know that isn't true. The reason why I do not criticise Australia is not because I think this is a perfect country. I do not wear rose tinted glasses here just because I left the place that left me in desolation. The reason is simple, I criticise Singapore because I am a Singaporean, it is my country and I want it to be the great country that I grew up in, not the shit it is now. If there is one day I chose to give up my Singapore citizenship, I will not mention a single word about the wrongs of Singapore anymore. For if the day comes, I will not give a damn anymore.

The reason why I am telling you this grandfather story is that I take the idea of citizenship seriously. I know that's really old school. I know these days, most people look at it as just a piece of document. But to me, it means something. Perhaps you can give yourself a few quiet moments to think if it means anything to you. Maybe you will be surprised. 

If it doesn't, you might as well not stop and go all out to collect Permanent Residency. As Australia 'allows' dual-citizenships, you can be an Australian citizen, Indian citizen, Singapore PR, Malaysia PR, Canadian PR all at the same time. Then you will have the best of many worlds, not just two worlds. Minister Lim Swee Say will be proud of you.

Exactly three weeks ago, I wrote about Winter ended a month earlier this year. If you need further confirmation about this, just ask my Joni and Josephine who were our human shield from the mosquitoes that wasted no time in feasting once the sun prepared to set on Saturday. I received a few sharp stings as well. The mosquitoes in Perth fly slowly. That is because they are larger in size. That is why we can send them to premature death with a casual slap. They don't seem to mind, I guess. Blood sources is harder to come by in Perth than Singapore. So long they managed to feed, they could already boast to their friends in netherworld.

The Duchess of the Brook was in emotional mood these days. I listened to her whines regarding her she struggles in her early Perth days. It is natural to grimace about our respective leaps of faith to the unknown. Every Singaporean I met here has a intriguing story to tell. My story wasn't special and neither was hers. It was just that I put down all these whining in writing but the others chose not to. The Duchess told me that it was almost one year since we first met. Really? I couldn't remember. Time must have zipped past like always.

So Spring is coming soon. How can I forget 17 September 2011 and the tears that trickled down despite all resistance when I made the last call to Mum? For many of us, we have not fully recovered from the shock of transplanting our roots from the previous place to the current. I blame budget airlines. Flying to-and-fro effortlessly with an unprecedented lower cost works as some sort of wean but it doesn't help matters where settling down properly is being concerned. Neither is living apart from the family. I lived just less than a week apart from Jen and Albany and look what happened to me. So how did Mr E survived that excruciating few months apart from his own wife and daughter? And how did Thus, Patrick and the other men did that?

If it is hard for men, just imagine how women, being the greater emotional beings they are, cope with this sort of thing? That is the reason why I give this friend my special attention, helping her to assemble beds, pull out stubborn shrubs and stuff, if anyone noticed and has been curious why. From her, many received joys and laughter from her constant optimism and sick humor. (For eg. she taught her poor son what bad smell was by letting him take a whiff of her fart) but in her little castle by the valley, her loneliness will always linger until the day her Spring finally arrives.

Hi asingaporeanson

How are you? I read your blog with alot of interest after stumbling on it during Singapore's National day. You are certainly a very interesting person and have benefited many of us with your insight.

I too came with the pre-conception that I will be discriminated against as a second class citizen in Oz. You are probably right when you say that the Aussies are far more gracious and hospitable compared to Singaporean Chinese against the minority races / or even fellow Chinese immigrants from China.

I came with a coloured perception on all this and this was exacerbated when I landed up with job difficulties here in Melbourne where I am now based. As a doctor, I learnt with horror that our own government has betrayed us . The Australian Government actually wanted to accord us preferential status like the American , British and Kiwi doctors as we have a comparable health system in Singapore and wanted to give us accelerated registration with the medical council in Australia. However , the Singapore Government together with the South African government unilaterally asked the Australian government not to accord us preferential status and instead forces all Singaporean doctors to retake the registration exam like other doctors from Third World countries.  The reason ? They were afraid of losing doctors that they spent money training for in Singapore to other countries like Australia. I saw this in a white paper on medical registration as well as a medical journal and couldn't believe my eyes!

So I am in a way stuck too. With two rejections out of 3 applications and further applying for two other attachments ( where I will work for free) but am still waiting for the outcome. You have given me strength and the stories you shared of other people with their experience also gives me reasons to be contented and feel blessed.

I landed in Melbourne 10 months ago together with my wife and children. We were very blessed as my wife had gotten her registration as a dentist and found a job within weeks of arriving though the job situation here was less than ideal. 

We bought the house across the road from my Uncle just before 1 July last year and enjoyed the $15 000 First Home Owner Bonus and Grant and enjoyed the social and family support with close relatives nearby.

Luckily , within a month I got my two kids into full time childcare ( which took the load off my wife who will be working full time) and I left home to Singapore after just 1 week.

I have since been flying to and from Singapore until about 3 months ago when I decided to take no pay leave and came to Melbourne to  look for a job. As my 4 year old daughter was getting bored in Kindergarten, she managed to scrapped into Prep/ Formal schooling after taking IQ tests with a psychologist (about 1 year earlier than her peers)  and that saved us quite a lot of money as childcare is expensive here. According to the many friends we made at church and through social gathering, we found out we were really fortunate as the school she got into was one of the best in the western suburbs and apparently required most to be on the waiting list since birth. But we only just arrived really and my daughter getting in means my son will get in in two years time without a problem.

So in a sense , I have got nothing to complain about. My wife is working full time, my children got into good schools, we have a house and a roof over our head and did not have to worry about renting and references. However, coming from Singapore General Hospital where I was working as a surgeon, it has been a frustrating journey for me. I could look for other jobs but has never done any jobs other than within the healthcare. 

Many times , I told myself I will just return to Singapore where they would welcome me any day- as they are short of staff. And continue the ad-hoc arrangement of flying into and out of Melbourne every 3 months to visit my family. Rather than what i felt was wasting my time here, waiting in melbourne with no great prospect in the immediate term.

I will really like to meet up with you as I go on a clinical attachment in Perth this week , perhaps to have a cup of coffee. Or some time out or to eat Corica Apple Studel. I can cook rather good Hokkien Mee ( the sweet black sauce type) too. I will be staying at a friend's place for the initial few nights but will go around hunting to stay at a youth hostel. Will it be ok if you send me a text message at [deleted number]?

My home number is [deleted number] and my wife's number is [deleted number]. ( she is not travelling with me though as she is still working in melbourne and also with the kids who are schooling.) but if you could not reach me when I am in a flight via tigerairways , let my wife know and she will send me a text message.

Sorry for my long email, but do edit my email as I wish to remain confidential for now , wishing you a wonderful week ahead! See you soon !

Till then,

j***

******

Come to think of it, J*** must be the first medical doctor I talked to outside a clinic or hospital. I left this email (together with quite some others) in the inbox for a long time, due to laziness and the recent hangover from the Singapore trip and the trauma from being locked out from my daily warm water bath. And you know in Singapore, there is this unconscious class system playing in our minds although nothing has been discussed or researched about it before. There is this thing that goes, "Woah he's a doctor/pilot/lawyer/whatever," that Singaporeans, especially our Singaporean daughters, tend to engage in. That's the way it is. Prolong meritocracy will always lead to elitism. Yes always. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise because no sociological framework is particularly good or bad but one thing for sure, it evolves after implementation. No exceptions.

In the normal Singapore settings, no doctors in Singapore will want to meet up with me for coffee or offer to cook Hokkien mee for me. But in Perth, things tends to work a little differently here. Sometime back, I met the lawyer who refused to take up her profession again after she came to Perth and rather take up a massage course, go into semi-retirement and made sure I never hear from her ever again after the first meeting. That may sound odd to most of you but I can perfectly understand her. In fact, I saw myself in her whenever someone ask me why don't I find a job as a project manager or engineer in the construction line. I don't want to even talk about it for now.

Anyway when someone gives you his mobile, home number and his wife's mobile number, you've gotta meet up with him and so I sent him a text message very last minute for the Saturday birthday surprised planned for the Duchess of the Brook. He gamely took up the invitation and turned up without a fuss, finding his way better than some of us Singaporeans in Perth. Regretably, I didn't have the time to talk to him beyond a couple of greetings. Fortunately the others did because everyone was curious about the new face. My apologies for the bad hospitality, J***. Hope the coffee talk can still happen in the future.

There was still thing in your email that caught my attention, which was about how the Australia Government wanted to include Singaporean medical doctors in preferential status but the Singapore Government stopped them. I heard a similar tune from the lawyer I met previously. Let's think positively, our dear leaders probably do not look at you guys as Third World professionals and actually very much love you very much and want you to stay by their side. Maybe you should. So why are you roaming around in Melbourne? That was the question I wanted to ask you personally but didn't have the chance.

I don't mind revealing my intention to write to the Australia Immigration to inquire about why young Singaporeans under 30 are not eligible to apply for the Australian Work-Holiday Visa (Subclass 417 and 462) while people from these countries:  Belgium, Canada, Republic of Cyprus, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Hong Kong, Republic of Ireland, Italy, Japan, Republic of Korea, Malta, Netherlands, Norway, Sweden, Taiwan and United Kingdom; are eligible apply for Subclass 417 and people from these countries: Argentina, Bangladesh, Chile, Indonesia, Iran, Malaysia, Thailand, Turkey, the USA and Uruguay; are eligible for Subclass 462. After your sharing about how the Singapore Government moved in to stop foreign governments from recognising our professional credentials, there is no need to send in that email anymore.

The people of Singapore is more Third World than our friends from Bangladesh. Fortunately most Singaporeans are blissfully unaware of it since it does not affect them in any way.


** A Reply For the Doc [link]

When I took a cab from Taman something Melodies in JB, I allowed the cabby to quote me a price to take me to JB Sentral. The Malay man said, "10 Ringit," and I hopped on.

After some silence in the cab I finally broke the silence and asked, "Abang, why sometimes I take cab $6, sometimes $7 sometimes $10?" My driver was visibly slightly taken aback by my sudden question, which seemed like challenging his professionalism. So he replied, "Ah.... I asked you if $10 is ok or not only. You can say no if you find it too high." He seemed disturbed and showed it.

"Don't worry 'bang, I said $10, means $10. Just asking only."

Then he loosened up and began to fill me in with how hard life as a cabby was by throwing the statistics at me. I guessed there wasn't much difference between Singapore and Malaysia cabbies in this aspect. Abang's texsi rental was RM60 and his daily petrol cost was around RM100. I told him Singapore cabbies were not having it easier because their cab rental was an average of $110, though their daily petrol cost was significantly lower at around $40. They will both require about 10-12 passengers who pay about 10 bucks to break even for the day before any profit can be earned. At the Singapore side, cabbies rely on a complicated surcharge system make ends meet and at the Malaysia side, they cannot rely on the meter but their own haggling skills.

Then coincidentally I read an update from a friend that her dad, who drives a taxi, will see his rental rates increase from S$103 to S$163 soon, if not already. Wow. That's the 60% increase in rental. Seriously, I thought the housing rental rates in Western Australia has been rocketing through the roof at a ridiculous rate until this. If a Singapore cabby still clocks about 40 bucks on fuel per day, that will bring his total daily overheads to S$200. Since taxi drivers are not entitled annual or sick leave by their companies, they will be expected to pay rental every day whether they drive or not. That change makes the Singapore cabby worse off than their Malaysia counterpart for sure.

While that is a little better than slavery, the total outlay of S$6,000 per month in rental and fuel may offer Singapore cabbies better luck elsewhere if they bring that $S6,000 per month elsewhere to the regional countries like Vietnam, Cambodia, Indonesia or the Philippines. One may even have a chance to own a humble fleet of taxis eventually. Even selling Char Kway Teow may have a lesser chance of getting bankrupted by your air-conditioned mobile money trap.

Most of us Singaporeans are already resigned to our fates if our careers take a wrong turn at the wrong age at the wrong time. An unemployed Singaporean man can only turn to the Big Four sources for jobs. Namely Security guard, Mc Donald's, Recycling scavengers and Taxi drivers or SMRT in short. Now, even the Big Four seems shaky and the feasibility or falling back on them is diminishing. Nothing, it seems, last forever. We gotta prepare ourselves and spend less on Hello Kitties.

- Son of Punggol via shitmsn [link]

I had a good laugh. Then karma struck. Today I became the real Son of Punggol, who just came back from Punggol a few days ago with A$10 in the pocket. I had to survive 4 days. Too easy. I could do that blindfolded because there were food in the house. Now that I am locked out from my own house with my direct landlord out of town with no lock picking set, I have no food. I don't have an ATM or credit card because I am too poor for them in the first place and I swore I will never borrow money from friends again so I won't.

I have two days remaining before the dear wifey comes back to Perth. $10 for two days. Still too easy. Why don't God create a harsher handicap by summoning a wind to blow the note away when I checked out my wallet at noon? Hahaha. Too late. I already spent my money. God is merciful after all.

So if you are expecting to see a picture of my chopsticks here, you shall be disappointed. I may be a klutz but I am not a moron. I guessed I overdone it a little. I bought enough food to last me till next week. Never mind, good to play it safe.

The first thing I bought was 2kg of apples. This is one of the cheapest quality food one can buy in these situation. My friend Jeremy told me he once did that with eggs and he was spot on. 2-3 hard boiled chicken eggs can fill the stomach and cost less than $1. As I do not have cooking equipment, I'll have to give that a pass. With A$3.00, I got myself more than 12 apples. That's actually enough for 2 days already and I'll maintain myself full of vitamins, fiber and natural sugar, keeping doctors a mile away more effectively than garlic. Good buy, I must say. I am a genius. The rest of the stuff are:

That pack of assorted vegetable that cost A$3.00 normally last me at least 3-4 meals. Good thing I have some simple dressing at the work place, we always have sauces and dressings in stock due to the occasional company BBQ. I will be alright there, throwing some tomatoes in the mix. That's a lot of tomatoes for one person to consume mind you. If I manage to down them all, I'll grow a tomato plant from the top of my head by the time Albany sees daddy. I got myself some strawberries because I felt the need to pamper and feel sorry for myself moping in the evenings. I found some lemons from a tree nearby so that will add zing to whatever combination of food I conjure up for the next meals.

So my bill came up to A$9.65, leaving me some spare change. I reckoned I did better than the original Son of Punggol, who managed to buy all but some fancy chopsticks. If that was all he got to muster over 30%+ of votes from Punggol-East voters, I must be able to give Ah Lian a better run for the money. But oh wait, Singaporeans only vote for lawyers or doctors, never mind if he only check backside.

I know I will regret delaying getting my own lock pick set. I always thought I have a little genius in me. In my opinion, the brilliant man isn't one who foresee and prepare for all circumstances simply because no one will have absolute true foresight that enables himself to see what kind of fuck ups that can come his way. I composed a message telling the boss that I was still not feeling well enough for work but I didn't send it and went for work. When I reached my work place and took a glance at my key set, I knew I was in trouble.

I did the mother of all fuck ups and locked myself out. Now I need the lock picking set. Where do I find one? There is no time to lose for after a long day busy catching up at work, I will face the harsh reality of facing a locked door when I am looking for my daily coveted hot water bath. Like I mentioned earlier, the test of a man is not his battle readiness but how he solves catch 22s or other fuck ups due the ill makings of the others or his own.

There is no time for wallowing. No time for should haves. I already have a big list of preventive measures to take, that should be left to the evaluating time after the problem is solved. So I don't want to hear anyone or myself talking about it for now.

Now where can I buy a damn lock pick within such a short period?

I'm not young, already at the wrong side of 30 but age is never a reflection of wisdom. There is so much ignorance left in me that I can feed an entire starving continent for a centuries if I can convert that into food. 

Just this week, I experienced taking my first air flights alone. Every new experience carry some reflections. The most noticeable difference was how many things I needed to check or guess from the moment I headed off from home to the moment I received customary grin and greeting from the air stewardess welcoming us on board. Prior to that, my wife did everything for me. Somehow I survived both trips. Oddly, I could not sleep on the plane like I always did. I wasn't sure if that was due to taking the plane alone or there was just something on my mind. I was tired, yet I couldn't sleep. That wasn't usual.

Then suddenly I found myself home alone. It would be a bloody few long days before I could be reunited with my family. So this was how staying alone feels like, coming home to some walls without any hint of the living. I remembered asking myself during a bath what would I feel if I was alone all these while without spouse or kid. What if the house I am living in is mine, all fully paid up and I have 2 cars to drive around. Will life be better or somewhat meaningless that I feel at the moment? Will I rather live in Singapore or will I still choose to live in solitude in lonely Perth?

I found myself unwilling to do shopping though I was well-equipped to do so. I didn't cook anything despite being more than competent to do so. Even work seemed very uninteresting all of a sudden, not to mention writing things in a blog. So from these I know my motivations to live. Everyone has their own motivations behind the way they live their lives. Any one of us required some form of recognition of the others. The family man derives it from his family. The single man accumulate cash and assets to make himself attractive to women. The teenagers obtains results from the classroom or the field. Would any of us bother to dress up, or make our best leap on any day if we are the only human being living on an island? 

The hunger for recognition dictates how we act and live. Why else would a man insist on owning a car that cost as much as a small house in another country? Why else would a man who couldn't close his mouth properly due to age chose to release yet another book?

One Malaysian once remarked, "Singaporeans do not know how to cross the road." Upon confrontation, the Malaysian simply said, "Come to Malaysia and see how Singaporeans freeze at the sides of the road." Unfortunately, the cocky chap from Boleh Land was right because I found myself hesitating when I needed to cross the roads there. My countrymen will be similarly petrified at the road sides in the busy cities of Vietnam or Thailand where there are often no crossing buttons to press or overhead bridges in sight. This example, along with countless of other little things add up and contributes to the illusion of safety that exist as a state of mind of the everyday Singaporean.

In the past 7 days, I set foot on the soil of 3 different countries. Perth, Singapore and the notorious Johore Bahru of Malaysia. I had never walk on any street in Perth at night before. That was because I never felt safe about doing so. Does this mean that Perth is unsafe? In my mind, yes. Logically, no. In reality, any one of us can be endangered or killed anywhere, anytime. Statistically, the percentage of people who have motive to harm someone they do not know on the street should not vary very much across any normal country in peace. Thus in Perth where there are an average of 285 human living in a 1km by 1km square, the odds of a night walker like me meeting a violent lunatic is considerably lower than in Singapore, where there are 7315 people living in the same amount of space.

I think the illusion of safety in Singapore isn't doing us Singaporeans very good. So much so most of us are simply unequipped with basic common sense survival skills. We take for granted our food will be clean and safe for consumption, cars will always stop on red lights, our water will always flow out from our taps or perhaps the worst of all, our government will always do the best for its people. When things do not happen the way we expected, we make a call or write a letter to the relevant authorities and watch them make things right. Sometimes a problem can be as simple as placing a piece of strong plank over a slippery slope to serve as a temporary ramp until work is done on it. That could save us a lot of unnecessary problems such as old folks on wheel chairs falling flat on their faces and getting dentures stuck into mud.

As I walked along the streets of JB, I found myself making paranoid glances over my back periodically. Funnily, the Malaysians I interacted with gave me warmer responses than my little walks on the streets of Singapore. The stigma of dangerous Malaysia has always been deep, each time renewing for the stronger with new tales from someone you know who know someone who got their cars stolen in those mysterious manners that makes David Copperfield looks noobish. You will be surprised you will not be able to convince many Singaporeans to walk on the streets of JB alone even if you promise them a free meal at the end of it. That is how bad our natural survival instincts have been stripped along the years, so much so we do not have the basic skills or perception to manage the idea of danger properly. While most Singaporeans think Malaysia is a dangerous country, Malaysians probably think Singapore is a safer country. A safer country, not a safe country. Note the difference.

The false sense of security is simply a subset of safety. That explains why I still receive emails from Singaporeans seeking advice for the strangest of questions that do not really require any answers. This also answers why Singaporeans feel so insecure about the world outside Singapore. If you ask me, there is nothing safe and secure living in an environment where our senses are constantly shaped and warped in a manner that makes us irrelevant to the rest of the world. Just imagine being the only audience that can only remain rooted to the seat when they announce the show is over and everyone else naturally make themselves to the exits without thinking much about it.

I have only held a 2-month old baby in my arms twice before. The first was my daughter Albany and the second would be baby Sarah. As my relationship with little Sarah's dad goes a long way back in time, she inherited a 'strange uncle' as Godfather.

She stared at me without blinking the whole time I cradled her, not distracted even when her dad tried taking a picture or two of the funny scene. We were really old, since the days we knew each other. I had never imagined the day we would carry each other's child. Just imagine moments later after baby Sarah went to sleep, we were at his computer watching him demonstrate the imbal damage done by his warrior and how a thief cheat his way to glory in Guildwars 2. Some people said men grow old, not up. Perhaps there is an element of truth in that.

Holding baby Sarah was a delightful feeling. I almost forgot that was how it felt. No wonder the uncles and sunrise all wanted to carry Albany. The feeling of carrying a small baby was awesome. I never believe I would ever say this, being a non believer of having kids all my life until I experienced fatherhood. Having interacted with baby Sarah simply affirmed that. I could feel the joy in the Wong family from young to old.

Though Sarah has a mix of facial features of both her parents, her expressions reminded me a lot of my buddy. She will grow up a bubbly girl with a big sense of humor without a doubt, her presence welcomed by anyone wherever she goes. Fortunately Sarah will still be a young baby by my next return. How delicious does that sound? I apologize if I sound like a baby-eater. It will be nice to watch Albany meets Sarah.

It was tough for mum to be mum. Even at the ripe age of 65, she had to be the pivotal point that hold the family together. I didn't think she expected much in return and she did these purely for the love of her family, but we should never take her for granted. Without her, the family would have broken apart long ago.

These few days would be something to remember by. I couldn't remember when I ever had the privilege of seeing mum the moment I wake. As I had been sleeping on the sofa bed in the living room, there she was reading the Zao Bao when I wake to the Singapore mornings. It must be the first time that both of us had no toil during the day at the same time. So there was time to talk.

The most enjoyable conversations took place with a wall between us. That wall seperated my kitchen and bathroom but it had a few window panels that allowed our voices to channel through. I took regular baths because I was unaccustomed to the sticky feeling on the skin. So we chatted while mum was cooking the simple dishes that her son grew up eating. We talked about anything under the sky, the family, our dearest late pets, the neighbours, our previous work, who died and when - the kind of thing someone of her age had to be accustomed to, unfortunately.

She remained the only person to fuss over every detail from my return to my eventual departure and almost insisted to send me to the airport. She settled for sending me to the bus interchange and watched me board the bus with two bulky luggages before flashing the same smile when she saw the bus arrived with the then 10 year old me onboard, returning to our then new home for the first time. She was full of vigour back then but time took the toll gradually through the decades.

Something tells me my relationship with Singapore has not ended. There will always be something I can not let go. It will never be the food or fine public transport or anything that we raved about. These things are superficial and mean little to me. Till this day, I have yet to come up with any feasible solutions to solve the puzzle. But I'll walk on, because that is the only way to go. We'll see where we end up. No destinations are permanent, not the current one and not even the next.