verb (used without object), e·loped, e·lop·ing.
1.
to run off secretly to be married, usually without theconsent or knowledge of one's parents.
2.
to run away with a lover.
3.
to leave without permission or notification; escape.
Jen was made to wail over 2 phone calls since we arrived here. Her agitation disturbed me, greatly. In general, I dislike over-emotional reactions. That is why I hate watching the shows Mediacorp presents. That is why I hate Koreans shows as well. On top of that, being pregnant, she was not supposed to be crying. Even worse, the people who caused it were the baby's grandparents.
Grandparents of the other side
The second time it happened, I stormed over and slammed the receiver cache. The line went dead. I gave Jen a pat and went out to Joanna's garden to make a call. I rarely call my mother-in-law. Very rarely. That day I gave her a call. My tone was polite but when she heard my words, I suspected she was taken aback. I had never been confrontational towards my in-laws but I decided there was always a first time. I demanded to know what the heck was going on. She explained nicely what happened. It wasn't her fault. My father-in-law was the one creating miseries.
He has never liked me. To him, I wasn't educated, earning and capable enough. I had failed businesses, I switch industries in my career and am thoroughly a wastrel. I didn't come from a great background and my parents are poor.
To him, I was not worthy enough.
His other son-in-law, Australian born and bred, earns >AUD$100k an annum with parents owning countless properties. Whenever he talks about them, he will always be in awe. With a hint of inferiority in fact. Towards my parents, he had been dismissive and even discourteous. His other son-in-law married his lesser daughter. I, the unworthy one, married the better one. He was indignant about it.
He taunted me to migrate to Australia.
He thought I didn't have the guts.
He sneered at me at my ineligibility to get my Permanent Visa.
He underestimated my resourcefulness.
He thought I wasn't serious.
I was.
He thought I would never leave with her daughter.
We did.
He was livid. He gave his wife hell, on why she allowed us to leave. His endless rants unsettled my mother-in-law. She couldn't handle it and vented it on Jen. He claimed that we had no money. Jen is pregnant and I have no job. He has never trusted me.
I'm not interested in proving him wrong but I might as well do it since it's along the way. He will live to see me surpass him in properties ownerships. He'll witness me owning my small sustainable business, something he yearned for all his life but never dared to achieve. He'll eventually realise the son-in-law who can't even figure out what is 'heaty' food is not as amusing and interesting as the other.
When the time comes, I don't relish his approval or praise. I just want to be left peacefully alone. Status quo even when he changes his opinion about me.
That's the way man bro! I'm always with u and shared your thoughts! U are so so much like me in a sense. I've been down... way down & u knew it! Things will change... things will change...Trust me. It's usually for the better, cos we've all seen the worst!
ReplyDeleteSiang Hwee
Just came across yr blog,seems u are having it tough, issues here in oz and emotional baggage back in sg. Even notice u have a counter of how long u hv been in perth. I suggest to you, delete it.. Once u are here, tell yrself, this is now where i am, this is home now. If u keep thinking about sg, u will never give yr best here as u will keep making comparisions etc. The world is so small, living in another country otther than the one u were born in, is really no big deal.look at the many other people who are here, they are also from elsewhere. Look at the masses of ft in sg, ditto there. Those in sg are very sheltered, too comfortable to venture out and hence miss the opportunity to see and experience what the world outside sg can offer. U have this chance, many dont. So lift yr head high, have a positive spirit and u will be more than alright. Welcome to Australia!!
ReplyDelete....Its really hard on Jen, think her father, he wanted the best for her as he loved her dearly.
ReplyDeleteHer dad, reminds me of the parents i saw on HK drama... thing will be fine after Jen sees her mum. But i can share with u, any mum will feel sad seeing her dotter in this plight(i dun mean in a bad way). I have a uber smart n understanding mather, her only words was, she will continue to let me stay on in aust if i have a partner. "this is not a place for a gal to stay alone" But jen has u, show her mum that u will do anything to hold the sky up, that shud reassure her.
Money doesnt equate to happiness but without it, it is not possible.
And that counter...if i could i would have place a counter as well, its not for looking back (as a baggage), it is to look back and see how far one has travel and remind one to perservered further more to see light at the end of tunnel; at the end of the tunnel, one day u will appreciate the hard work u put in and the fruits of success (Ok i am the sentimental being). plus it is a good history walk through for ur "thousand tael of gold" (qian jin).
Once again it is a matter of perspective. There is always 3 sides to a coin
Seianko
hang on there! there're many people who're behind you and supporting you! like the old saying- what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger!
ReplyDeletebrown
Raw rice has become steam rice. Uncle he must take it easy. You will make it :)
ReplyDeleteJen, Live your dreams, Life is too short to live in the shadow of others.
ReplyDelete@ Siang Hwee. Thanks bro. I finally understand your message. Thanks for explaining it to be via watsapp. You finally seen the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and you had a hard time finding the rainbow. Hopefully I will be there someday.
ReplyDelete@Jtay: Hi. Thank you for visiting n leaving a comment. I was reluctant to leave Singapore. It's where I was born and it is my country. You are right. It is no big deal to move and live elsewhere. Thousands or even millions did it before me and are still doing it as we speak.
ReplyDeleteIn fact, looking from that angle, this blog is making a mountain out of a molehill. But to me, it is BIG deal. I am one of those you described, sheltered, molly-cuddled and too comfortable to move elsewhere. That's where the point is. haha.
I'm trying hard to do what you advised and hold my head high. Don't worry about the counter. It's just for me to remember how long I've been here. In a way, it reminds me to buck up and don't waste my time here.
@Sei: My MIL used to be skeptical about me as well but she is more or less 'bought over' by now. I'm good enough. 真金不怕火炼.
ReplyDelete"There are 3 sides to a coin." I've learnt this before but you reminded me. Thanks.
@ brown: Thank you for your encouragement once again. Your visit is very much appreciated. I'm not sure who is actually behind supporting me though haha.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous: haha. steady lah. lol
ReplyDelete@Uncle Wong: Jen is alright. Her mood is quite good since she came generally, except these incidents.
Time will prove him wrong. People with money don't own the world. Treat other wholeheartedly is the key to survive in this world.
ReplyDelete@ellis: i will prove him wrong. Time won't =)
ReplyDeleteThere's no need to prove him wrong. This is a patriarchal society. This is not "like a boss" post. YOU ARE THE BOSS. You make the decisions and you sink with them if there is sinking. This is what needs to sink into him. His daughter is now your wife. He can care for her but he has to cut the strings. That is his main problem.
ReplyDeleteI've been preparing to cut the strings since my children are born.
@Jin Ngee, thanks for posting. I've been thinking about this kind of things, since my daughter will eventually grow up and I'll face the issues like what my father and father-in-law did. It's not easy to trust a stranger to take care of your daughter, even though he is her husband by law.
ReplyDeleteWhether I like it or not, there are still things to prove until they finally think 'he's ok' but i'm not living my life for that sole purpose. What I'm trying to achieve (a better life for three of us) would be serving the purpose at the same time.